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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Kemrain" data-source="post: 2226877" data-attributes="member: 12153">It struck me at an early age, but I fought it.  I never knew what the feelings were, but with them came such guilt and shame. Some nights I would cry myself to sleep. It dominated my life from sixth grade onwards. I had a secret, festering in the depths of my soul. A secret no one could ever know. A secret I'd be hated for. Reviled for. I didn't understand it, but I knew it was wrong. I know I was horrible for having those feelings. It taught me to lie, to sneak, and to steal. I threw it all away, more than once, promising myself I'd be good, be normal, only to find myself digging it out of the trash again. I'd make mistakes, leave evidence, subconsciously hoping to be discovered, hoing to be hated and shunned so I could make myself stop.When my mother did find me out, she told me "I don't want to live to see what you become." I'll never forget those words. They're burned into my soul. She's since recanted, and feels terrible abotu it, but even as I forgive her, I can feel the words weigh me down.When I was in highschool, I decided to make a stand. I was better educated, and I knew there were other people like me. I'd learned that I wasn't a horrible creature, but that I suffered from a disorder that millions of other people shared. Best of all, I'd learned that I could do something about it. I could fight back, and win! It was a painful road, and I knew I'd be ostracised for it. People would hate me because I was different, but I could stop hating myself.My throat is tight and my eyes are stinging as I write this, but I'm smiling. I feel like I'm becming a new person now. I know that the old me is going away. Slowly and surely, as changes occur, I'm becoming less him, and more me. It hurts, it'll cost me far more money than I have, it'll sting in social situations, but it's all worth it. Someday, I won't have to lie to anyone. Someday, I'll be able to love myself. And someday is getting closer every day.- Kemrain the Transsexual.</blockquote>

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