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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Eosin the Red" data-source="post: 2239478" data-attributes="member: 168">Yep, the title says it all. Nov of 2003, right as I started working on my little thread on publishing stuff here at ENWorld - I had this funny little deal happen and my heart stopped beating twice, back-to-back (Pulseless Vtac) but as Monte Python would say "I got Better."So, this fancy heart DR says - "You have this disease and you are gonna die in 3-5 years but we can't really prove that until we go to surgery where we STOP your heart." Now, I am a registered nurse and I work mainly in ICU/CCU and the ER so this is pretty much no joke crap. Too much information is a baaaaad thing. However, I play things her way and spend 16 hours with tubes rammed into my heart only to get the "Well, you are all clean. We are gonna watch you for a year and the if nothing happens call it a freak of nature."One year goes by - nothing happens other than me paying the friggin insane hospital bill. In Febuary I go back for my "heart birthday."  The appointment is fine, I look over the tests and see nothing wrong. She looks over the tests, does an examine and says "Something is wrong."Yucky. I don't like those words.Bad thing is that she can pinpoint exactly what is wrong so I get the "We are gonna run more tests in July. There is a brand new test that will help us figure it out."Fastforward to last week at my regular DRs office. He says "Hmmm, there is a test I would like to do but nobody has the machine." Remember the part about me being a nurse - well, I pipe up and say "I know where I can get that done as long as you don't need it charged through the hospital system." I should have stopped right there.So, I bring the results back (BioZ or external Swangantz for those of us medical geeks). Guess what, I have CHF at 37. Not so bad.... Not good but workible. Hold on a minute, I say to myself didn't they get all these values when they were in my heart just 15 months ago? And they were all normal ....... Doctor says "We are gonna need to run some more tests but that stuff that we suspected as being the culprit in Noveber of last year may be responsible."So, here I am once more. 37 years old, married, two boys (Davie 2 and Connor 4), physically fit (6'7" and 250 lbs) stronger than an ox and the doctor thinks it is possible that I won't see either of my boys 10th birthday. The first time it was nightmarish but I kept all together this time it just seems so much less likely that I am gonna "dodge the bullet" so to speak. What do you do?This crappy day ends with several problems, what and when do I tell my wife and mother?How do I make sure that my boys "know me." Do you write letters? Maybe you start a blog and suck out the good parts that mom can give them?</blockquote>

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