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<blockquote data-quote="DreadPirateMurphy" data-source="post: 2947445" data-attributes="member: 20715"><p>Maverick, I'm going to say something that may be slightly controversial. The fact of the matter is that you DID fail. The hard part is realizing that that is perfectly OK. It may be tragic, but in the long run it is through failing that we become stronger and learn from our mistakes.</p><p></p><p>There is also a profound difference between failing to save your marriage and being a "failure" in the general sense. Many, many people have a hard time accepting any change, never mind an unpleasant one. The key is that ultimately change opens up new opportunities to create new memories...hopefully ones that can rest beside your current good memories. Those are the ones that will seem the strongest over the long run if you work at it.</p><p></p><p>An unhappy relationship can be a special kind of hell. If one partner is unhappy, and the other truly cares, then they are both unhappy. That kind of unhappiness requires some kind of fundamental change to fix, and if therapy and soul-searching can't satisfy that requirement, then the relationship will end. It is a GOOD thing that the bad aspects of that relationship are over, despite the personal sense of loss involved.</p><p></p><p>Learn from your mistakes, and remember that there are millions of other people in the world looking to find somebody who will share their life...all of them on some sliding scale of "screwed up," looking for baggage that goes with theirs.</p><p></p><p>Having said that...I agree whole-heartedly that the best first step is to meet people in a general sense, not search for "the one," unless you happen to be Morpheus. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> You'll be surprised how many opportunities drop in your lap when you're first comfortable being by yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DreadPirateMurphy, post: 2947445, member: 20715"] Maverick, I'm going to say something that may be slightly controversial. The fact of the matter is that you DID fail. The hard part is realizing that that is perfectly OK. It may be tragic, but in the long run it is through failing that we become stronger and learn from our mistakes. There is also a profound difference between failing to save your marriage and being a "failure" in the general sense. Many, many people have a hard time accepting any change, never mind an unpleasant one. The key is that ultimately change opens up new opportunities to create new memories...hopefully ones that can rest beside your current good memories. Those are the ones that will seem the strongest over the long run if you work at it. An unhappy relationship can be a special kind of hell. If one partner is unhappy, and the other truly cares, then they are both unhappy. That kind of unhappiness requires some kind of fundamental change to fix, and if therapy and soul-searching can't satisfy that requirement, then the relationship will end. It is a GOOD thing that the bad aspects of that relationship are over, despite the personal sense of loss involved. Learn from your mistakes, and remember that there are millions of other people in the world looking to find somebody who will share their life...all of them on some sliding scale of "screwed up," looking for baggage that goes with theirs. Having said that...I agree whole-heartedly that the best first step is to meet people in a general sense, not search for "the one," unless you happen to be Morpheus. :) You'll be surprised how many opportunities drop in your lap when you're first comfortable being by yourself. [/QUOTE]
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