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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Piratecat" data-source="post: 2948735" data-attributes="member: 2">We can't make people love us by loving them.That's so important, I'll say it again. We can't make people love us by loving them. Nor can we make people love us by making ourselves lovable. People who do this, who try to conform their behaviors to match a mate, come across as desperate, pathetic and needy. It's saying "you are more important than I am" at a stage where the default should be "you're as important as I am."The best we can do is love ourselves and be comfortable in our own bodies, either by bolstering our own self-respect or making ourselves into the people that we want to be. When we're proud of ourselves and our behaviors, that attitude sends a powerful message to other people; it says 'not only am I not insecure, you have no power to make me feel insecure.' Once you do that, once you love who you are, you become more lovable to other people.It's a terrible burden to have someone love you far more than you love them. It makes you feel guilty and obligated, and it drives people apart. This is why crushes never work in the long run. This is why pining for someone who is slipping away will just drive them away faster, and why stepping back from a failing relationship may sometimes help salvage part of it.Make yourself happy - and I think by rejoining the filk community, and the like, you're taking steps in that direction. Once you do, you may just find that happiness becomes a habit, and that it attracts people who feel similarly.</blockquote>

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