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When will my group ever accept me?
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<blockquote data-quote="Azul" data-source="post: 2618491" data-attributes="member: 11779"><p>Some of your friends might even cut ties with you because you have a hobby that has nothing to do with them? It sounds like you either are insecure in your relationships to those friends or they are some pretty fairweather friends.</p><p></p><p>If either group gets the impression you are ashamed of your gaming, they will react negatively to it. The non-gamers will assume you have a reason to feel ashamed (and thus that gaming is a bad thing). The gamers will feel like you are ashamed of them and be pretty ticked.</p><p></p><p>I'd strongly suggest you figure out why you are placing so much value on relationships with people you don't think can accept you for who you are. Those are acquaintances and fairweather friends. A true friend is someone who knows your flaws and weirdness and likes you anyway - they like you warts and all. Real friendships are rarer but they are worth all the effort.</p><p></p><p>The comments from your gaming group centre around your appearance and out-of-game activities. You might be dealing with jealousy but you are most likely dealing with some folks who have a strong sense of group identity (i.e. we are nerds) who consider gaming to be part of that group identity (i.e. gaming is for nerds only). Sounds like you are more of a social butterfly than your fellow gamers so they see you as part of a different crowd. It's a territorial and personal identity thing. If they don't see you as one of them, they'll resent your presence on some level.</p><p></p><p>It also sounds like you haven't done much to dispel this idea that you are part of a difference social circle (actually, it sounds like you very much agree that you aren't in the same social circles and that might be part of your problem... you see them in the same "us and them" way they see you).</p><p></p><p>If that is the case, the best way to deal with it is probably to break down some barriers so they see you as *you* rather than part of this group or that group. Gaming won't work for that because at gaming, you are busy being someone else instead of being you. In a gaming environment, your character serves as a mask and makes it harder for people to get to know you. Some of those group activities that your DM is trying to organize might help.</p><p></p><p>From your posts, I'm guessing you are in college or university. Assuming it's legal and/or tolerated in your part of the world, sharing a few drinks and just chatting with these girls might do some good. Find out about them and their lives and let them find out about you and your life. It's amazing what a heart-to-heart chat between two tipsy people can do to dispel misunderstandings (warning: it can have the opposite effect too). They are far less likely to treat you as an outsider if they really know you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Azul, post: 2618491, member: 11779"] Some of your friends might even cut ties with you because you have a hobby that has nothing to do with them? It sounds like you either are insecure in your relationships to those friends or they are some pretty fairweather friends. If either group gets the impression you are ashamed of your gaming, they will react negatively to it. The non-gamers will assume you have a reason to feel ashamed (and thus that gaming is a bad thing). The gamers will feel like you are ashamed of them and be pretty ticked. I'd strongly suggest you figure out why you are placing so much value on relationships with people you don't think can accept you for who you are. Those are acquaintances and fairweather friends. A true friend is someone who knows your flaws and weirdness and likes you anyway - they like you warts and all. Real friendships are rarer but they are worth all the effort. The comments from your gaming group centre around your appearance and out-of-game activities. You might be dealing with jealousy but you are most likely dealing with some folks who have a strong sense of group identity (i.e. we are nerds) who consider gaming to be part of that group identity (i.e. gaming is for nerds only). Sounds like you are more of a social butterfly than your fellow gamers so they see you as part of a different crowd. It's a territorial and personal identity thing. If they don't see you as one of them, they'll resent your presence on some level. It also sounds like you haven't done much to dispel this idea that you are part of a difference social circle (actually, it sounds like you very much agree that you aren't in the same social circles and that might be part of your problem... you see them in the same "us and them" way they see you). If that is the case, the best way to deal with it is probably to break down some barriers so they see you as *you* rather than part of this group or that group. Gaming won't work for that because at gaming, you are busy being someone else instead of being you. In a gaming environment, your character serves as a mask and makes it harder for people to get to know you. Some of those group activities that your DM is trying to organize might help. From your posts, I'm guessing you are in college or university. Assuming it's legal and/or tolerated in your part of the world, sharing a few drinks and just chatting with these girls might do some good. Find out about them and their lives and let them find out about you and your life. It's amazing what a heart-to-heart chat between two tipsy people can do to dispel misunderstandings (warning: it can have the opposite effect too). They are far less likely to treat you as an outsider if they really know you. [/QUOTE]
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