jdavis
First Post
Getting shot down but still being friends will most likely lead to one of two places for a Man.
1. He looses all interest in any type of relationship beyond being a friend.
2. He becomes obsessed and troubled by the friendship.
From experience I know how hard it is to just be friends with somebody you are physically interested in, and friends with benefits normally ends up as torture for one of the people involved. It's not about sex it's about relationships, surprise surprise Men actually want to be in deep relationships too (the whores remark was way off base and pretty shallow), if a man likes a woman and wants to be in a relationship with them then he will try to play the friend card hoping things may change later but rest assured he's not a friend he's a guy waiting for more to happen. Only when a guy gives up on there ever being in a relationship with the girl will he be an actual friend and then he won't want the relationship to grow as he's given up and gone on with his life. So you've either got a puppydog guy waiting for things to change or you got a guy who has moved on and isn't interested any more. I'm not saying that guys and girls can't be friends (I've got lots of female friends), nor am I saying that friends can't grow into more (I worked with my wife for years before we ever went out) but once that offer of a relationship pops up and is turned down it's a whole different game from then on out. Getting the old "lets just be friends" line is the equivalent of being kicked in the nuts for a guy and it does change everything.
That's one reason the ask as many girls out as you can thing works so well, if you ask the girl out and get shot down before you actually get to know them real well then it's not a problem, if you wait until you know them better and decide you like them the rejection is much harder to handle. Don't get hung up on a girl and don't try to be "just friends" unless you actually just want to be friends. If you might want to go out with somebody then ask early and get that out of the way, you can get to know them on the first date, if they immediately say no then chances are they are going to say no later on too. If a guy is looking for sex and finds a girl that just wants to be friends then he might not have a problem with just being friends, if a guy is looking for a serious relationship and the girl just wants to be friends you can rest assured that guy isn't ok with just being friends, he might say he is but he isn't.
As far as nice guys finishing last I got to agree with TB there, nice guys just get walked on and taken advantage of; stand up guys with spines get respect. I don't get it at all but the whole "good girls like bad boys" saying seems to be rooted in the truth. I've known a lot of guys that were real jerks to women and they never had to worry about getting dates, us nice guys always ended up "just friends". I'm not saying that people should go out and be jerks to women (inexcusable for any reason) but trust me having a spine around them will do wonders. Ditching the puppy dog crap and saying what's on your mind will get you farther than being a simpering fool ever will. For some reason women see what I'd call mild rudeness as flirting, (the first date I ever got was because I was throwing M&Ms at a girl and instead of getting mad at me she asked me out). I don't get it but that's just how things work, I was lonely for the first 19 years of my life until I figured that out (and I still don't understand why).
1. He looses all interest in any type of relationship beyond being a friend.
2. He becomes obsessed and troubled by the friendship.
From experience I know how hard it is to just be friends with somebody you are physically interested in, and friends with benefits normally ends up as torture for one of the people involved. It's not about sex it's about relationships, surprise surprise Men actually want to be in deep relationships too (the whores remark was way off base and pretty shallow), if a man likes a woman and wants to be in a relationship with them then he will try to play the friend card hoping things may change later but rest assured he's not a friend he's a guy waiting for more to happen. Only when a guy gives up on there ever being in a relationship with the girl will he be an actual friend and then he won't want the relationship to grow as he's given up and gone on with his life. So you've either got a puppydog guy waiting for things to change or you got a guy who has moved on and isn't interested any more. I'm not saying that guys and girls can't be friends (I've got lots of female friends), nor am I saying that friends can't grow into more (I worked with my wife for years before we ever went out) but once that offer of a relationship pops up and is turned down it's a whole different game from then on out. Getting the old "lets just be friends" line is the equivalent of being kicked in the nuts for a guy and it does change everything.
That's one reason the ask as many girls out as you can thing works so well, if you ask the girl out and get shot down before you actually get to know them real well then it's not a problem, if you wait until you know them better and decide you like them the rejection is much harder to handle. Don't get hung up on a girl and don't try to be "just friends" unless you actually just want to be friends. If you might want to go out with somebody then ask early and get that out of the way, you can get to know them on the first date, if they immediately say no then chances are they are going to say no later on too. If a guy is looking for sex and finds a girl that just wants to be friends then he might not have a problem with just being friends, if a guy is looking for a serious relationship and the girl just wants to be friends you can rest assured that guy isn't ok with just being friends, he might say he is but he isn't.
As far as nice guys finishing last I got to agree with TB there, nice guys just get walked on and taken advantage of; stand up guys with spines get respect. I don't get it at all but the whole "good girls like bad boys" saying seems to be rooted in the truth. I've known a lot of guys that were real jerks to women and they never had to worry about getting dates, us nice guys always ended up "just friends". I'm not saying that people should go out and be jerks to women (inexcusable for any reason) but trust me having a spine around them will do wonders. Ditching the puppy dog crap and saying what's on your mind will get you farther than being a simpering fool ever will. For some reason women see what I'd call mild rudeness as flirting, (the first date I ever got was because I was throwing M&Ms at a girl and instead of getting mad at me she asked me out). I don't get it but that's just how things work, I was lonely for the first 19 years of my life until I figured that out (and I still don't understand why).
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