Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="demiurge1138" data-source="post: 2708439" data-attributes="member: 7451">Beowulf. A Series of Limericks. By Nick Herold (that's me).There once was a fighter named ShieldTo whom the mead benches would yield.The Danes needed good kings,So he gave out some nice ringsAnd didn’t die on a far away field.But this tale isn’t really ‘bout him,Or ‘bout Halfdane or Beow or Jim.It’s about a young strong GeatWho got up on his feetAnd said “A monster’s reign needs to be trimmed.”For King Hrothgar had built a great hall,And his soldiers were having a ball,‘Till a big ugly giantStopped being compliantAnd decided to just kill them all.Now, Beowulf was this man’s name,And physical strength was his game.None braver or bolder, He sailed off with his soldiers‘Cause he had a monster to tame.In Denmark he bantered with guards,And they led him and his troupe through the shardsOf Herorot, where he said,“I’ll kill that Cain-son deadIt will be a good tale for the bards.”King Hrothgar said “I’m sorry, my son,We’ve been fighting; the battle is won.With his terrible clawsAnd his ravenous jawsGrendel will eat you one by one.”Beowulf said “Then I’m your man.I’ll fight him the best that I can.None of you scored,But I won’t use my swordA hand-to-hand match is my plan.”A courtier said “King, don’t be a fool.This Beowulf fellow’s a tool.He showed off his mightBy swimming all nightThis youngster should go back to school.”The Geat said “Unferth, listen here.With the swimming, I was wrongly steered.But I killed some nine whale-beastsWho would make me their feastAnd I made it to shore without fear. “Now listen you treacherous rat,You’ve killed your own brother, that’s that.Your future would look bleak,But I’ll turn the old cheek.Be happy I’ve not squashed you flat.“But now, King, we all need our rest.Be assured that my men are the best.We’ll pretend to be asleep,When Grendel does here creep.This fight will put us to the test.”Then in came the ogre named GrendelWho lurked in the mists and the fen-delThe men in the gloomWaited treacherous doomFor the monster to come in and rend-all.When Grendel did come in the night,He ate one soldier whole in one bite.But when he came towards the Geat,He was swept of off his feetAnd then started a terrible fight.Now I don’t mean to cause an alarm,But Beowulf’s strength was the charm.The two screamed and criedAnd Beowulf nearly diedBut in the end he took off Grendel’s arm.When Hrothgar came back to the hall,Grendel’s arm was nailed up to the wall.The King threw a feastFor the death of the beast,But the trouble’s not over at all.Now, if I’m allowed a concession,To go off on a tiny digression,Once, Sigurd slew Fafnir,Now, what is that doing here?It is just a trick of my profession.In the swamps, Grendel died and he fell,And his spirit was sucked backed to hell.His savage clawed mother,Having no other,Decided to go for the kill.She crept into the hall for a fight,Giving the guards a great fright.The vicious bog-miserGrabbed Hrothgar’s advisorAnd dragged him off into the night.Now, Hrothgar, being a bad king,Didn’t want to go do anythingHe sent Beowulf offWith a sigh and a coughTo kill this new evil thing.And Unferth, who wasn’t so badFelt just a tiny bit sad,So he gave to the GeatA sword that was fleetAnd had always helped him, just a tad.So Beowulf went into the mere(There were serpents and dragonsnakes here)He was about to go down,When Grendel’s mom turned aroundAnd dragged him down the bog without fear.They fought on for many an hourAnd the battle was going a bit sourFor Beowulf’s bladeWas as good as a spadeFor defeating the ogress’ power.She took him down into her lairAnd he found a nice sword laying there.It was crafted by giants,And Beowulf, defiant,Plunged it into the creature with care.Grendel’s mother was certainly dead,For the blade had severed her head.For all of its trouble,The sword became a puddleAnd Beowulf grabbed its hilt and fled.He came back from the dangerous bogWith a hilt, Grendel’s head and a frogThe Geat proved his worthEven to UnferthThat night, they all feasted on hog.Hrothgar gave Beowulf many things,Like a torque, some nice chainmail and ringsHe gave the Geat some adviceOn how to be niceAnd sent him to live like a king.And a king he eventually becameAnd he had a fortuitous reign.He angered the SwedesMade Merovingians bleedBut the kingdom was good all the same.Until an ex-slave turned a thiefWent into a cave for reliefThe cave’s filled with treasureSo the thief took his pleasure Of a goblet, then made his stay brief.The dragon who guarded the goldFrom thievery, disaster and moldSaw a piece of it missing,So it decided, while hissingTo act just a little bit bold.So he set all the peasants on fireAnd the townsmen started yelling “Sire!You’ll know what to do,Through two monsters you did chew.You’ll save us from the dragon’s ire!”Beowulf got on his armorTo save all the peasants and farmersFrom a murderous hate And a char-broiled fateTo keep Geatland from being much warmer.He waited till the dragon was homeAnd his men through the treasures did comb.But with presence and cunning,It sent his men running,Leaving Beowulf to fight it alone.But Wiglaf was no cowardly crook.He helped Beowulf’s plan to workThe two of them fought,But Beowulf was caughtBy the dragon, who held on and shook.Eventually, the creature was slain,But their efforts had all been in vainBeowulf was dying,So Wiglaf, without cryingHelped the king and eased him through the pain.But now all the Geats were quite doomedFor the Swedes and the Merovingians loomedWithout their good king,They had lost everythingExcept for a most-certain gloom.(And the Libram Equitis vol. 1 and 2 compilation would be cool)Demiurge out.</blockquote>

Verification