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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Silver Moon" data-source="post: 3211996" data-attributes="member: 8530">Chapter 201, “Ginnie’s Assumptions“,  Thursday, March 30th, 1882, 8:00 AM Kate and Ginnie were quietly eating their Thursday lunch at the El Parador when Conrad Booth enters the building. He smiles and nods in their direction, but takes a seat at a different table.  Kate's eyes followed Conrad as he sat down away from them. "Ginnie, I need to ask Mr. Booth a question, I'll be right back. I want you to stay here and eat. You've been working far too hard lately." Kate got up and walked over to Conrad's table. "I just, ah, wanted to know if you had gone back out for the carriage, or if you were waiting for one of us to go with you."     He replies, "Your partner Flint brought it to town earlier this morning. Austin Blake over at Drover's estimates the damages to it will run me between $ 10.00 and $ 20.00. Seems that in addition to the bullet holes one of the wheels got damaged on our mad dash."Ginnie quickly eats her lunch and watches as Mrs. Kale goes over to talk to Conrad Booth. As soon as she finishes she hurries to the kitchen to pick up her food orders and grabs the shoulder carrier for the buckets of beer that she has been using for delivery.  She knew that she didn't have much time for delivery before she was due at the shop and with the extra orders she'd be busy until after dark. Then it was more books until she fell asleep over them in the corner of the room or Mr. Gonzales threw her out to go to bed. The pace was grueling but she knew it wouldn't last for much longer and she needed to get as much done as she could while she had the time.Kate says, "I'm sorry. It was rather an expensive picnic in the end, wasn't it? I'll pay for the damages, it's not your fault. What did you tell them happened?"   Conrad blinks, "Expensive picnic? Given what I had to say to you I would have spent at least that on dinner at a fancy hotel if we were in a major city. I told them that we were attacked by the Cowboy Gang. Given what happened with the Deputies what was Mr. Blake going to say? At least he got the carriage back, otherwise it would have been really expensive. Katherine, I do not expect you to pay for the damages, in fact, I will not accept any money from you for it. I also don't want to rush you into a decision on such an important matter, but circumstances do not really afford us the opportunity to wait very much longer."   Kate looked down at the floor, her hands clasped in front of her. "I know. I just... There is a little time yet. This decision will affect both of us, for a long time to come and I'm... There are more people to consider than you and I and him," she finished quietly. "We have until Sunday. Please, as soon as I know you will know."  She looked around the busy Cantina and put on a smile. She asks, "So you will let me know when those costumes get here?"  He says, "Yes, I received a letter from mother. She sent them via Wells Fargo, so they should be on tonight's stagecoach. She says that most are Elizabethan garb, but they are also sending some from a play they did on the French Revolution and another on the Trojan War.""Well, I am French, it's probably appropriate. Although the costumes from the Trojan War could be interesting. I should get back to..." Kate looked over her shoulder to the table. "Where's Ginnie?" Her head swiveled around, looking. "I asked her to stay at the table. I'm sorry, I have to go." Kate hurried over to the kitchen, where Dorita told her Ginnie had gone off on lunch deliveries. "And she moves faster than I can keep up. Well, I know where she will end up. Thank you, Dorita." She didn't bother finding someone to walk her, although she noticed Grant Keebler fall in with her as she hurried away to Mary Kelly's. Once inside she was glad to see she had gotten there before Ginnie. "I see you're busy. I hate to rob you of Ginnie, but I will need her for a while this afternoon. Can you make sure to send her home early please? I'm going to wait here for her, but I don't want to make her leave right away."It was a little past one when Ginnie got to the dress shop. She was tired from the lunch run and her dress smelled slightly of the beer that had splashed on the hem of her dress. One of the men she served had bumped into the pail and sloshed some beer on her. She washed her hands rinsed out the dress and headed into the shop.   Kate kept her face calm as Ginnie walked in, just looking steadily at her, unconsciously imitating her mother's cool look that had always warned her she was in trouble. "Well, that was a fine way to go off without even a good-bye. I had expected to finish lunch with you, Ginnie."   The girl answers, "Mrs. Kale I realized that your friend had appeared in the cantina and you would wish to speak with him. I also had lunch runs to make and a job that was expecting me and I did not wish to interrupt your conversation.  If I unintentionally disrupted your expectations of the day I am sorry." Ginnie picks up her needle and her fingers begin to fly at her stitching as she sits in the chair in the corner.  "Is that something that I can do to help you?"   Kate walked over and knelt down next to Ginnie's chair so she could speak without others hearing.  "I'm worried about you. You haven't called me Mrs. Kale since the day we came back from Tombstone, and now suddenly I am Mrs. Kale again. I had only one question to ask Mr. Booth, and as I said to you, I intended to come right back. I'm not upset about my expectations, I'm worried you are working yourself too hard. You have been very quiet since our trip, and it's not like you. I want you to come home early tonight, we can have dinner together and then talk. No books until after we talk."  Kate looked at Ginnie, not hiding the fear in her eyes. "I'm sorry if you've been unhappy living with me. I love you, Ginnie, if you are unhappy I want to fix it."Ginnie searched Kate's eyes with an intensity that actually made Kate uncomfortable. There was an icy distrust to the girl's gaze that Kate hadn't see since the first day she had met her in the shed.   Ginnie muttered to herself under her breath. Kate had to strain but heard it because of the amount of attention she had recently needed to pay to things going on around her "I see... no books... as I expected." In a very polite business like tone loud enough for the conversation to be heard by others Ginnie said "As you wish Mrs. Kale, I will see you when I am released from my duties here tonight at dinner"   With that she bent over her work beading a piece of lace that was meant for a costume gown for the ball coming up.  "As you expected? Ginnie what is going on?" Kate stood up and looked at Mary Kelley. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I need to speak to Ginnie privately just now. Is there someplace quiet we could go?" "There's a storage room in the back," she said. "Ginnie knows the way."  "Thank you, Mrs. Kelley. Lead the way Ginnie."   Ginnie places her work on the chair and leads Kate to the back room it is tightly packed with many mostly finished garments ready for the final fitting before the ball. Ginnie turns as Kate shuts the door a needle flying in her hand creating lace from a small ball that has been tucked into her sash. "How may I help you?" The voice is impersonal and the small body reeks of hostility and stress. Every muscle of the 67 pound body is strung tight as if ready to take a blow."This isn't about me, Ginnie. It's about you," she said gently. "Since we came back from Athens you've been quiet. And you've started working yourself to the bone. I'm worried." Kate hesitated. "I'm sorry about the way you found out about the baby. I know it was a shock, but I had to be honest with that priest. I'm still getting used to the idea myself. Things will change, and that can be frightening. But there is something that won't change. We made a family for ourselves, and anyone else who comes along just makes it larger. Your place is yours. No one, not even a baby, can push you out of it. I haven't called you my daughter because you had a mother of your own, but in my heart you're my daughter, and every day I love you more than the day before."Ginnie replies, “That is kind of you to say Mrs. Kale and I do believe that you believe that ...for now. However I know better. You took me on to fill a void that you had and for a while it was nice to feel that I belonged again but things have changed. You will now have your own child and I know what happens when a baby becomes part of your life. Others become unimportant and when they are not of your own blood you'll resent the fact that you took on this extra burden. I've been through this before and know what will happen. I have been saving and should be able to move on before I become more of a burden in your life. The house has been cleaned and the room that you will want for the nursery has been prepared. I've labeled all of the cooking spices and left lists of the "special ingredients" that I have collected from your land on a shelve in the pantry at the ranch I have kept half of the ingredients as payment for labor provided. There is no problem if I need to remove myself from the room at the cantina. I have set up a small placement in the barn and should be able to rent that space with the money I have been bringing in from the lunch runs. Is there anything else that I need to cover?”  Kate says, "You are not a burden Ginnie! And there is no reason for you to leave our room at the Cantina. Did your mother love you less when your brothers and sisters came along? Do I love my family less because I have made the Figueres part of my family? Do I no longer love my father because I see Mr. Gonzales the same way? If I were to marry again, would that mean I no longer love Tom?   There is infinite room for love, Ginnie. The more people you love, your heart just grows bigger to make room. You've been a blessing, and I don't think I could bear it if you went away."Ginnie says, “I was very young when my mother died. I don't really remember anything other than taking care of my younger sister and working to put food on the table, just as those older than me did. So for me, yes, when a child comes into the "family" things change and not in a good way. You do not see me as a burden now but that will change. I have done my best not to need much from you, although you seem to want to give more than I can pay. I have been saving and should be able to pay back anything that I might owe you in time. I would not know your feelings for your father nor how you feel towards Mr. Gonzales as that is something I have had little experience with my father spent most of the time on the streets of Boston trying to pick up day labor jobs so I didn't really see him that much when he was home. I have never been married and it is unlikely that anyone would ever want to marry me once never mind getting remarried so I really have no point of reference. Love is a dangerous way to allow others to injure you. I expected after being told of your position that things would change and the opportunities that I had been offered would disappear and I was correct. the first thing you said was "no more books". As expected, the education that I had been offered was taken away as it had been before. The next thing will be the shelter and that is also expected and I had prepared for both of those.  I know what my life is and always has been. It has been a nice reprieve Mrs. Kale, but I'm not blinding myself to the truth of my life. Thank you for the time that you have given me. I understand that I will need to move on and I'm prepared for it.”"Ginnie you're making an awful lot of assumptions. When I said no books I meant only that we had to talk before you went back to your studying. Not that you would never go back to them at all. In fact, since we have talked now you can go straight back to them after work if that's what you want to do." Kate stepped closer and brushed a stray bit of hair away from Ginnie's forehead. "You're more like Ruby than I'd realized. Both of you always watching for the bitter in the sweet. Expecting everyone to take with one hand while giving with the other.  You owe me nothing. Any payment I needed I have received just from your presence, from being needed by someone. I will accept no money from you, no goods. What I have given, I have given freely and I will continue to do so. You will not need to move on unless you yourself wish it. I will never wish it. All I ask of you is to continue to accept what I'm willing to give, and try to also prepare for the fact that the time will never come when I want you to move on. Will you do that at least?"A single tear slides out of the girl's eye all the muscles tighten then the girl just crumbles to the floor the tears flowing unhindered. "You say that now but it's going to change! The baby will come and your not going to want me anymore. They didn't want me in the first house after my mother died and the second one was just to take care of their kitchen and they found someone else for that too. The orphanage didn‘t want to keep me and the place they sent me to was worse than anywhere I ever want to end up being again. I can't keep getting thrown away I can't do that anymore. You say it's not going to change but it will and I can't let myself love someone and then get thrown away again. I'm just too tired."Katherine got down on the floor and took Ginnie in her arms. She didn't speak right away, just let her cry. "If I had had your life, I wouldn't trust me either," she said finally. "As much as I want you to believe me, words are only words. Actions are what will prove the truth of them. There may be more changes very soon; let me prove to you that your place will always be here. You don't have to love me, just stay and let me love you."Ginnie eventually pulls herself back together wipes the tears from her face and pulls back from Kate searching her face. Kate can see that the girl is waiting for the lie or to find a way to gage the price tag that staying will cost her.   "I'll stay for now... but I'm not unpacking. You'll change your mind you'll see. I need to get back to work. I get paid by the piece and the work is going to be gone after the festival. I'll be at the cantina for supper."  With that she pushes past Kate and opens the door to some much welcome fresh air and her chair in the corner of the shop.Kate stayed in the back room for a few more minutes. It would be a long nine months for Ginnie, constantly waiting for the day she changed her mind. That day wouldn't come, but Ginnie would be waiting for it. She sighed and followed Ginnie out of the room. She stopped and said good-bye to Mrs. Kelley, then kissed Ginnie on the forehead before she went back to the El Parador.  She sees that sawhorses have been set up blocking off Main Street from the west side of Allen to the east side of Front. Five different carts from both Morand Cartage and Drover's Livery are busy delivering timber to that city block for construction of the stage. Neil Cassidy is supervising a team consisting of his three employees and a dozen volunteers. The wood is a mix of rough round logs and finished cut boards. He explains how they are going to lay down all of the logs east-west to make a solid elevated platform then pile dirt and sand on top to level it off. A layer of straw will then be put down followed by the finished boards placed north-south.Kate reached the El Parador and went to Mr. Gonzales rooms. "Are you here?" she called out. "I am here, my little Sandpiper." He looked at her and immediately came over and hugged her. "Another difficult day?" "That's an understatement. I don't know what to do. Again," she said, laughing at herself. "Please, lets sit, I need to talk." Once they were both settled with glasses of iced tea, Katherine began to talk. She told him of Ruby's reaction to her news and of Conrad's offer. Lastly she told him of the talk she'd just had with Ginnie and her fear that Ginnie was going to have a very hard time ahead, if she didn't just run off. "I have made the decision a dozen times by now. I decide to decline his offer, and then I'm sure accepting is the right thing to do. That I am fond of him and it could save my school by keeping my reputation intact. It would give my boy legitimacy in the eyes of the world. Then I decide to accept and immediately think I should decline. Wondering what people will think of me, marrying again so soon and feeling guilty, wondering how I can live with him and not really be a wife. Wondering where we would live.... And now with Ginnie? Would she take a marriage the same way as she does the baby? Will she think I no longer want her? Or if she does accept it, perhaps she just wouldn't want to live with him. If I did marry him I might be able to prove to her that I want her in my family, or maybe it would drive her away."  Kate laid her hand on his arm. "I must make my own decision, but I could use some help in clearing up my thinking. More importantly, what can I do to ease Ginnie's mind about the future?""Kate, Ginnie is now one of my little birds. This situation is not your problem it is our problem. She listens to me, we will work this through." As for your other decision, let me take each of your points one at a time.   First, you say you are fond of him. That is good but not the basis of a marriage. If I had married every woman I was fond of...okay, maybe that's not the best example. Let's move on. Second, you say that you could save your school by keeping your reputation intact. That's just silly, as the school hasn't even started yet. By the time anyone knows your expecting the school will or won't be established based upon itself.   Third, it would give my boy legitimacy in the eyes of the world. You are one-hundred percent correct in that assessment. But if you were to leave here with your son and go where nobody knows you all you would have to say is that he is the son of your late husband and nobody would be the wiser. You could even get a priest to confirm that with a lie detection spell. Fourth, you wonder what people will think of you, marrying again so soon. Well, they'll all think far worse things once your pregnancy is noticed, so it is by far the easier choice.   Fifth, feeling guilty, wondering how you can live with him and not really be a wife. That's entirely your decision. I'm sure that he hopes that your relationship will evolve into a real one and he strikes me as enough of a gentleman to allow you the time to either reach that conclusion or file for divorce if that is not to be the case. Sixth, wondering where you would live. Between the ranch, school building, El Parador, Lucky Lady and Conrad's house it seems that you have five possible places to live. That should be the least of your worries. It sounds like whatever you decide he is okay with separate bedrooms. Seventh, Ginnie. How she would take a marriage, if she'd see it the same way as she does the baby. Probably, but you have to make this decision based upon something other than her fears and paranoid, especially given that her concerns are ungrounded. Eighth, Conrad himself. He is a good man who does appear to care deeply for you. He put his own life at great risk for you on Monday, something he would not have done for anybody just a few months back. He is smart, handsome, thoughtful and as we already know, able to be discreet when needed." He then grins and says "And he appears support your studying wizardry with me as long as we curtail having a romance. That presents no problem for me, as I would never get involved with one of my little birds. That may however prove difficult for you given how irresistible I am."Kate laughed suddenly. "Don't take it too hard, Professeur aime, but I think I can resist one I think of as a father." She paused to let the laughter pass. "Thank you. I will give it some more thought; I must decide very soon. I hope we can comfort Ginnie, but we are dealing with a heart, not a head. She said she believed me, but she also believes I will change my mind. She's been terribly hurt, and I'm not sure she can believe until her heart heals. She'll be downstairs for dinner after work. Please sit with us tonight, I think we'd be rather strained alone." Katherine took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "Now, how is the work in the scrolls coming, and what can I do to help?"   He replies, "Well, I have now completed five scrolls. I want you, Ruby, Ginnie and Sonoma to each take one. We will use the fifth for practice. You and Sonoma have both cast spells from scrolls before so we should have one of the others use it. Normally I would suggest Ginnie, but given her current mental state she might perceive that as a lack of confidence in her, needing to see her and her alone try it, so we might ask Ruby instead. Ruby tends to enjoying trying out new things anyway, so I doubt she'll mind. As for Ginnie's reaction to Conrad, I would suggest that you ask her directly. Ginnie is smart, regardless of the current paranoia. She now knows you are expecting and what that will do to an unmarried woman's reputation. Heck, I wouldn't put it past the Vigilance Committee to want you to wear a scarlet "A" on your clothing like the Nathanial Hawthorne novel. If Ginnie is explained how this is just a paper marriage to save your reputation she may very well understand and agree.""You talk as if I'd already accepted. But Ginnie should know about the offer. I thought of it earlier, but it wasn't a good time to bring it up, obviously.”  He replies, "Only in regards to the Ginnie issue, if your answer is going to be no then it is not necessary to bother the child at all." She says, “There are some definite advantages to saying yes. I wouldn't have to explain to my family. I'm not looking forward to that. But... well, we'll see.”  He answers, "There are also definite advantages to saying no. You have to think this one through yourself." She says, “Would you like me to tell Ruby to stop by tomorrow when I'm at work tonight? We should all get those scrolls in our possession. You never know when we might need them."  He states, "Whenever we can assemble the four of you would be best."   "I'll try to bring us all in tomorrow. I should go out to the ranch anyway so I can fetch Sonoma." Kate hugged her teacher. "Thank you for listening. Sometimes you just need to say things out loud. I will see you tomorrow." Katherine went downstairs for another cooking lesson with Dorita, this time learning how to cut up different kinds of meats and some simple preparations. Afterwards she washed her hands very thoroughly before going upstairs to nap before heading down to dinner and then off to work for the night.</blockquote>

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