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<blockquote data-quote="Capellan" data-source="post: 2017550" data-attributes="member: 6294">2 : Knockin' On Heaven's Door&quot;Wark hate guard duty.&quot; Wark observed.&nbsp; Thark grunted, which Wark took as encouragement to continue, &quot;It cold out here.&nbsp; And there no booze.&nbsp; Wark hate it.&quot;&quot;Ulfe say guard.&quot; Thark scratched himself vigorously, &quot;What Ulfe say, Orc do ... unless Orc want head on spike and body in stew-pot.&nbsp; Thark not want that.&nbsp; Wark not want either, less Wark even dumber Orc than Wark look.&quot;Wark bared his teeth,&quot;Wark smart Orc!&nbsp; Thark better keep gob shut or Wark shut it for Thark.&quot;&quot;Yeah?&quot;&quot;Yeah!&quot;&quot;Yeah?&quot;&quot;Yeah!&quot;There was no telling how long this enlightened exchange of views would have continued, but it was around that moment that Thark's head exploded.&quot;Guh?&quot;As last words go, Wark's weren't the most eloquent.&nbsp; Of course, it's difficult to be pithy when someone just cut you in half with a shotgun blast.*&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp; *&quot;Yo!&quot; Simon said in satisfaction, twirling his Beretta around his finger, &quot;Did you see the way I capped that first dude?&nbsp; That was some Ninja stylin'.&quot;&quot;You have a very small gun.&quot; Fabio observed.&quot;They're both dead, and that's what counts.&quot; Floyd blew the smoke away from the mouth of his shotgun and wandered up to prod one of the bodies with his boot. &quot;Ugly lookin' sons o' bitches, ain't they?&nbsp; Though some to think of it, I got me a cousin as looks a bit like this one on the left, here.&quot;&quot;Whatever.&quot; Beverly looked up from filing her nails, &quot;Like, can we carry on now?&quot;&quot;We can.&quot; Smith confirmed, &quot;The trail's got a switchback here, then it goes up some stairs.&quot;&quot;'afore we go on, Simon should search these here bodies.&quot; Floyd shouldered his weapon.&quot;Ninja!&quot; Simon crouched beside the corpses.&quot;Ninja, search, whatever.&quot; Floyd glanced around, &quot;Think there's any more o' these uglies?&quot;His question was answered by a hail of arrows.&quot;Arrow slits!&quot; Smith pointed out the narrow cuts in the side of the mountain, previously overlooked by the five WCX employees, &quot;Get up against the wall and they won't be able to see you!&quot;&nbsp; He then promptly ignored his own advice by charging up the mountain trail, and out of sight.&quot;Where all do you think he's going?&quot; Floyd jammed his shotgun into an arrow slit and pulled the trigger.&nbsp; He was rewarded by the wet sound of a body spreading itself over three times its usual volume.&quot;Only one way to find out.&quot; Beverly flounced up the stairs in Smith's wake, her miniskirt bouncing as she went.&quot;I see London, I see France, Bev's not wearing underp - ow!&quot; Simon rubbed his ear and glared at Floyd, &quot;What was that for?&quot;&quot;Smith ain't here to do it, so ah'm fillin' in for him.&quot;At that moment, the eponymous Smith shouted from further up the mountain,&quot;Found a door!&quot;*&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp; *Having yelled his discovery to the others, Smith thumbed the switch on his flashlight - which was taped to the barrel of his shotgun - and stepped through the half-open doors.Beyond the doors lay a rectangular stone chamber.&nbsp; A chasm some twenty feet wide split the room, the two sides linked only by a rickety bridge of rope and ageing wood.&nbsp; Arrows zipped out of the darkness on the far side of the room, one scratching the flesh of Smith's arm.&quot;Onward Christian Soldiers!&quot; the Mormon sang, racing across the bridge with complete disregard for its dubious quality of engineering.&nbsp; His shotgun boomed, sparks flying in the darkness as the shell struck some boulders.&nbsp; Two grey-skinned humanoids moved into sight as he cleared the end of the bridge, snatching up massive two-handed axes as they came.&quot;Cool, a bridge!&quot; Beverly peeked her head inside.&nbsp; She pulled out a flashlight of her own and peered over the side of the bridge.&nbsp; Then, obeying a primal instinct of the young, she spat over the edge and watched her saliva plummet into the darkness.&quot;Git outta the way there, girl.&quot; Floyd stepped through the doors and peered across at the dimly illuminated Smith.&nbsp; The Mormon's shotgun boomed again, but his target batted the barrel aside at the last moment, and the blast discharged into the ceiling. &quot;Looks like Smith could do with some help.&nbsp; Hear me, Oh King, and bring down upon these squares the blue suede shoes o' doom.&quot;A glowing, sequinned boot appeared in the air above the melee, and immediately aimed a solid kick at the head of one of the creatures.&quot;Now is the time for heroes.&quot; Fabio intoned, after sneaking a glance at the pre-prepared list of dramatic lines he'd written on his arm.&nbsp; He ran across the bridge and engaged one of the two grey-skinned humanoids.&quot;Ninja!&quot; Simon vaulted across the bridge in Fabio's wake.&quot;I'll 'ninjure' him, in a minute.&quot; Floyd grumbled. &quot;Come on, girl, let's get over there and help out.&quot;*&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp; *&quot;Five to two odds, Sir.&nbsp; Looks like they have this fight sewn up.&quot;&quot;Don't bet on it, Johnson.&nbsp; The battlefield is a fickle bitch.&quot;*&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp; *Smith fired from the hip.&nbsp; The shot was hurried, but the shotgun slug tore a shallow wound across the side of his opponent.&nbsp; The grey-skinned humanoid roared its anger, swinging its axe in a massive overhead arc.&quot;God is with me.&quot; Smith stepped aside of the blow and raised his weapon for another shot.Which is about the moment that the other creature's axe smashed six of his ribs and lacerated his lung.The Mormon swayed for a moment, staring in shock at the ruinous mess that was his chest, then he toppled face-first into a rapidly spreading pool of his own blood.The last thing he heard was Beverly taking the Lord's name in vain,&quot;Jesus!&nbsp; A bunch more of them just came in behind us!&quot;</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Capellan, post: 2017550, member: 6294"] [b]2 : Knockin' On Heaven's Door[/b] "Wark hate guard duty." Wark observed. Thark grunted, which Wark took as encouragement to continue, "It cold out here. And there no booze. Wark hate it." "Ulfe say guard." Thark scratched himself vigorously, "What Ulfe say, Orc do ... unless Orc want head on spike and body in stew-pot. Thark not want that. Wark not want either, less Wark even dumber Orc than Wark look." Wark bared his teeth, "Wark smart Orc! Thark better keep gob shut or Wark shut it for Thark." "Yeah?" "Yeah!" "[I]Yeah?[/I]" "[I]Yeah![/I]" There was no telling how long this enlightened exchange of views would have continued, but it was around that moment that Thark's head exploded. "Guh?" As last words go, Wark's weren't the most eloquent. Of course, it's difficult to be pithy when someone just cut you in half with a shotgun blast. * * * "[I]Yo![/I]" Simon said in satisfaction, twirling his Beretta around his finger, "Did you see the way I capped that first dude? That was some Ninja stylin'." "You have a very small gun." Fabio observed. "They're both dead, and that's what counts." Floyd blew the smoke away from the mouth of his shotgun and wandered up to prod one of the bodies with his boot. "Ugly lookin' sons o' bitches, ain't they? Though some to think of it, I got me a cousin as looks a bit like this one on the left, here." "What[I]ever[/I]." Beverly looked up from filing her nails, "Like, can we carry on now?" "We can." Smith confirmed, "The trail's got a switchback here, then it goes up some stairs." "'afore we go on, Simon should search these here bodies." Floyd shouldered his weapon. "Ninja!" Simon crouched beside the corpses. "Ninja, search, whatever." Floyd glanced around, "Think there's any more o' these uglies?" His question was answered by a hail of arrows. "Arrow slits!" Smith pointed out the narrow cuts in the side of the mountain, previously overlooked by the five WCX employees, "Get up against the wall and they won't be able to see you!" He then promptly ignored his own advice by charging up the mountain trail, and out of sight. "Where all do you think he's going?" Floyd jammed his shotgun into an arrow slit and pulled the trigger. He was rewarded by the wet sound of a body spreading itself over three times its usual volume. "Only one way to find out." Beverly flounced up the stairs in Smith's wake, her miniskirt bouncing as she went. "I see London, I see France, Bev's not wearing underp - ow!" Simon rubbed his ear and glared at Floyd, "What was that for?" "Smith ain't here to do it, so ah'm fillin' in for him." At that moment, the eponymous Smith shouted from further up the mountain, "Found a door!" * * * Having yelled his discovery to the others, Smith thumbed the switch on his flashlight - which was taped to the barrel of his shotgun - and stepped through the half-open doors. Beyond the doors lay a rectangular stone chamber. A chasm some twenty feet wide split the room, the two sides linked only by a rickety bridge of rope and ageing wood. Arrows zipped out of the darkness on the far side of the room, one scratching the flesh of Smith's arm. "Onward Christian Soldiers!" the Mormon sang, racing across the bridge with complete disregard for its dubious quality of engineering. His shotgun boomed, sparks flying in the darkness as the shell struck some boulders. Two grey-skinned humanoids moved into sight as he cleared the end of the bridge, snatching up massive two-handed axes as they came. "Cool, a bridge!" Beverly peeked her head inside. She pulled out a flashlight of her own and peered over the side of the bridge. Then, obeying a primal instinct of the young, she spat over the edge and watched her saliva plummet into the darkness. "Git outta the way there, girl." Floyd stepped through the doors and peered across at the dimly illuminated Smith. The Mormon's shotgun boomed again, but his target batted the barrel aside at the last moment, and the blast discharged into the ceiling. "Looks like Smith could do with some help. Hear me, Oh King, and bring down upon these squares the [I]blue suede shoes o' doom[/I]." A glowing, sequinned boot appeared in the air above the melee, and immediately aimed a solid kick at the head of one of the creatures. "Now is the time for heroes." Fabio intoned, after sneaking a glance at the pre-prepared list of dramatic lines he'd written on his arm. He ran across the bridge and engaged one of the two grey-skinned humanoids. "Ninja!" Simon vaulted across the bridge in Fabio's wake. "I'll 'ninjure' him, in a minute." Floyd grumbled. "Come on, girl, let's get over there and help out." * * * "Five to two odds, Sir. Looks like they have this fight sewn up." [color=yellowgreen]"Don't bet on it, Johnson. The battlefield is a fickle bitch."[/color] * * * Smith fired from the hip. The shot was hurried, but the shotgun slug tore a shallow wound across the side of his opponent. The grey-skinned humanoid roared its anger, swinging its axe in a massive overhead arc. "God is with me." Smith stepped aside of the blow and raised his weapon for another shot. Which is about the moment that the [I]other[/I] creature's axe smashed six of his ribs and lacerated his lung. The Mormon swayed for a moment, staring in shock at the ruinous mess that was his chest, then he toppled face-first into a rapidly spreading pool of his own blood. The last thing he heard was Beverly taking the Lord's name in vain, "Jesus! A bunch more of them just came in behind us!" [/QUOTE]

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