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Message: <blockquote data-quote="d20Dwarf" data-source="post: 2894038" data-attributes="member: 314">Umbran nailed it before I could, dude, it's too bad you didn't process the advice in this thread before moving forward. There are a few things wrong with your scenario:A: This chick is messed up. You really need to decide why you've got a thing for her, and whether or not adding an unstable chick in your life will benefit you. Didn't you say she hasn't had a relationship in two years after a bad one and that she's still cold and distant? Lemme tell you, man, somebody like that is going to take a LONG time to heal, if she ever does. You can't change her, you won't be the catalyst...she's got her own issues.B: You've completely gone passive! Or remained so. All you've wanted is to move forward with this chick, and she's initiated kisses with you, but you haven't initiated anything in return? That's a recipe for disaster on so many levels. Women want you to initiate things, they want to feel wanted, they have no respect for men that force them to constantly make the first move. It doesn't feel right, and it'll make them keep their distance. She probably sits around wondering, "gee, I've told him I want sex and kissed him three times, but he just stands there with his shoulders slumped." Why would she put herself out for someone that's given no indication beyond emo whining that he wants her?B2: Your "passivity is really clever activity!" argument holds no water. She's not going to just suddenly heal now because you gave her your passive ultimatum. You should have just told her outright that you didn't want a physical relationship without actually being in a relationship together. "Friends with benefits" is a terrible position to put yourself in, it's unhealthy in every way I can think of, and is mostly a lie between two people that aren't dealing with their emotions honestly.C: You need to do one of two things: forget being friends with her, or forget having a relationship with her. I don't believe inter-gender friendships are possible without pain on one end or the other, but as a nod to those who (foolishly) do believe in it, I'll just say that your case is clearly not that way. Friends or lovers, not both. The best thing to do is to try being lovers (but only in a relationship) asap. If it works, great. If not, then you'll either be able to be friends, or not. But where you're at now is paralyzing you...D: Find some male friends and start doing activities with them that aren't gaming. Play sports with them, workout at the gym with them, go to bars and other social activities with them...be men. This will increase your sense of masculinity and allow much of the wisdom in this thread to soak in and become second-nature.</blockquote>

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