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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Nellisir" data-source="post: 2894349" data-attributes="member: 70">OK, here's advice on both fronts.Your first goal is to win her.  TB is exactly right, you need to act like a cliched Male.  Being distant isn't the only key, though - or rather, physical distance isn't.  You DO NOT want her to forget you.  If you disappear for 6 months, she's not going to sit around and pine.  Really.  She'll find some loveless relationship to move into, and you'll find out about it 5 months too late.  So, no.  Keep seeing her.  Keep hanging out.  But do it with other people.  Make it clear it's a "friends" thing, not a "special touchy-feely friends" thing.  Be present, be helpful, be FUN, but give her NO special attention.  (If you can arrange to go out in mixed sex groups of single people, even better -- she may get territorial and move closer to you to mark you as "hers" without even being aware of it).If you can afford it, buy drinks, or dinner, or tickets, for everyone.  AAA has discount movie tickets.Do NOT discuss sex, or a "serious" relationship, or any of that crap.  In fact, do not discuss your life with her.  Talk about her life everytime, anytime.Talk to your mom, your sister, your other friends' sisters or moms -- and figure out what looks good on you.  If you don't know, learn how to dress yourself well.  Probably 99% of the women you know would love to make you over, or at least sit around and give advice on how to make you over (get several opinions).  Watch "What Not To Wear" (TLC, I think).  Black is boring.  Set the standard for your group of friends.You don't want to be her best friend.  You want to be the best guy she knows.Your OTHER goal is to win OTHER women.  Much of the same advice applies.  But here's a secret.The world is full of women.Conversation is as much body language as spoken word (if not more).  When you're speaking to someone, be aware of how you are posed and what you're doing.  ALWAYS be interested in what the other person is saying.  Talk to bank tellers, cashiers, and everyone else you meet.  "How're you doing/How's your day/How are you?" is the classic cliche; it's easy and familiar to say.  Most people drop it there, but it gives you a really easy opening into a conversation."How're you doing?""Good""Seems busy/quiet in here.../Isn't the weather great/sucky today?.../Good looking dog, may I (pet it)?"As the owner of two dogs, I'll second that as a way to meet people (not just women).  Even if you don't own a dog, find out where people go to let their dogs run (there'll be a park or something), and go and hang out.  Get a dog book, so you don't call a "basenji" a "bengy" (happened to me today, and no, it's not a basenji.  That's the other dog.  This is a feist.)Dancing is also good.  No one else in the introductory class can dance either, but at least you're trying (I've taken a year of dance in college, plus some line dancing and ceildh dancing, and I still can't dance). Do not go to "clubs", unless you go with friends.  That's not dancing.Bookstores aren't bad, but people aren't usually there to talk.  The only way I've met women in a bookstore is when they're frantically searching the sci-fi section for a gift.  Some kind of book club would be better.Also, I'll second moving south.  I live in New England, but have spent time in Alabama, and the social culture is...different.  Seriously.Anyways, good luck.  I had my cat put to sleep a number of years ago, and hung out talking to the receptionist afterwards for awhile (8 AM friday morning.  Not in a rush to go to work.)  Asked her to call me if anyone came in with kittens they wanted to adopt out.  She called next day, I stopped by to ask a few pet questions (my previous cat had died of a disease; I needed to know if I should sterilize stuff), and (after a long time summoning up my courage), asked her (complete stranger, but cute) out to dinner.That was 9 years ago; we've been married for the last 3.  She doesn't play D&D; I don't play volleyball.  I had the cats, she had the dog (I still have the cats, we now have 2 dogs).CheersNell.</blockquote>

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