how to hit on girls without being creepy?

advice please. how does one go about approaching girls, lets say, for example, on campus, without coming across as "creepy"?

Hida Bukkorosu said:

advice please. how does one go about approaching girls, lets say, for example, on campus, without coming across as "creepy"?

Click to expand...

Start by telling them that you love D&D and you get your love advice from an RPG oriented message board.

first of all, don't look creepy. second, have confidence; it is really easy to tell when someone doesn't have it. Be casual and yourself. don't over persue; I know sometimes it can seem romantic to chase a girl that first says no and then win her heart...but lots of times a no is actually a no.

do you have any female friends? female friends are great for helping you out in these areas.

Get a dog Dogs instantly decreepify men. Don't ask me why, I don't know. But somehow women find men who have dogs much less creepy than men without dogs.

First of all, you need to know what creepy is. In my book, creepy is when you lack confidence, hold a crush forever, and then continue to pursue a girl after she's said no. Creepy means writing lengthy poetry to the object of your desires, rearranging your schedule so that you can "accidentally" spend time waiting for the bus to show up everyday, or intentionally taking the same classes so that you can be near her. Creepy is trying to guilt her into seeing you. Nothing is creepier than stalking. That's the crap you don't want to do.

As mentioned above, you need to have confidence. If you're a shy introverted person, then you need to force yourself out of your comfort zone. You need to go out of your way to meet people, make friends, attend parties, and otherwise be sociable. In addition to simply getting out, you have to make conversation. You can talk to girls about a lot of the same things you talk to guys about, but look for cues that she may not be interested in what you're talking about and be prepared to talk about another subject.

Dress nice and look nice. You probably aren't going to impress too many people with the untrimmed hair, wire rimmed glasses, and your tie dyed shirt with the fire breathing dragon on it. If you don't already look nice, or if you're trying to be too alternative or grungy, you may experience some resistance. One thing that worked for me in college was to find someone with a similar style or runs in a similar crowd who is successful with the opposite sex, and then copy their style. Sure, your individuality may suffer, but they may be onto something that works.

Flirt. This one's pretty big since body language relays how secure you are. If you want someone else to like you, you have to be comfortable with yourself. Before you say a word, make eye contact and smile. If she maintains eye contact, go say hi. When you do start talking, don't be afraid to ask personal questions, like whether or not she has an SO, and what she's into so that you can find some common interests. If you don't have much experience with girls, admit to it. There's a lot of girls who like a guy who doesn't have a lot of experience.

Most importantly, if things are going well, close the deal. Ask her out. It doesn't have to be an actual romantic date per se, but you should make it clear that you are interested and ask to meet her for something. If she says no by making an excuse, she's not interested, so go find a prettier girl to hit on. You will go home alone more often than not, so expect rejection. Look forward to it, in fact, because every time you get rejected, you're one attempt closer to getting a girl.

Once you have a girl, don't be afraid to ditch her when things don't work out. Do not hang on to her like your life depends on it. It doesn't, and you'll probably be happier in the long run with someone else.

hmm... hitting on girls without being creepy? that one took awhile for me.

here's my best advice. find yourself a loose, large social circle that includes men and women (or boys and girls, depending on how old you are). that's how i met the first girl i asked out who i didn't creep out. make friends - and i do mean friends with some of the girls in the social circle. if they are even halfway empathetic, they will try to help you, and maybe one of their friends will be a good match for you.

but here's the real thing - don't try too hard. if something doesn't evolve naturally out of first casual, and eventually more intimate conversation, as well as spending time together both going out and staying in, then you simply cannot force it to happen.

there you go! hope that helps.

Edit: PS - you say "on campus" so i assume you're in college? well, more likely than not it should be all to easy to find cliques and social groups to hang out with. it's just a matter of finding the one you're comfortable with. maybe you already have your D&D group or some other group of social misfits - well, unless that group includes a few available girls that you are attracted to, you'll need to go looking for another group to "belong" to when looking for dates. shop around!

Whisperfoot said:

Flirt. This one's pretty big since body language relays how secure you are. If you want someone else to like you, you have to be comfortable with yourself. Before you say a word, make eye contact and smile. If she maintains eye contact, go say hi. When you do start talking, don't be afraid to ask personal questions, like whether or not she has an SO, and what she's into so that you can find some common interests.

Click to expand...

Er, asking somebody you've just met personal questions, especially ones that telegraph you're about to ask her out ("do you have a boyfriend?") is actually creepy.

Non-creepiness suggestions:

Make sure you're not approaching her in a way that is rude or threatening. Realize that "rude, threatening" may not fit your definition. (I have had guys do things like block my path so they could talk to me for a minute. I don't believe *they* thought they were creepy.)

Introduce yourself first. Don't demand she tell you her name and personal information. She doesn't know you, remember?

Make the offer of a first date low-key, friendly, low-stress, and a situation where you can actually talk to each other: going out to lunch or coffee beats dinner and a movie. And yes, you pay for this date. You did the asking, right?

Eye level is at her eyes.

If she says no, thank her and drop the issue. You don't want to be a stalker, and you also don't want to go out with the kind of person who thinks you should be a mind-reader.

Hope this helps.

Nope,we are nerds. Hell Goth girls might demand creepy. elforcelf.

Whisperfoot said:

Creepy means writing lengthy poetry to the object of your desires, rearranging your schedule so that you can "accidentally" spend time waiting for the bus to show up everyday, or intentionally taking the same classes so that you can be near her.

Click to expand...

I've been married to the girl I did that to for the past 20 years now.

mythago said:

Er, asking somebody you've just met personal questions, especially ones that telegraph you're about to ask her out ("do you have a boyfriend?") is actually creepy.

Click to expand...

I'm going to have to disagree. How in the world are you supposed to know if you're wasting your time if you don't ask? There's nothing wrong with being somewhat forward, as long as you're cool about it. Don't make that the first topic of coversation, but there's no reason it shouldn't come up.