how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Nifft]

Complement her. A decent bare-bones hit-on is "Hi. I like your shoes."

Leave things unsaid... if there's an innuendo that may prompt a bad pun, don't make the pun, instead make eye contact and smile or chuckle. If she gets it, great, if not, don't worry.

Look for ways to keep the conversation going, not ways to make yourself look smart. Comment, don't lecture.

The above is just some very basic advice.

-- N

 

[jaerdaph]

Well sure. Isn't that the way it should be?

Yes.

 

[der_kluge]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_1/102-1141849-3522530?v=glance&s=books

Seriously.

 

[Jesus_marley]

Jesus_marley, y'know, if you go looking for something you will probably find it. If you approach any potential love interest as though she's got her mobile phone ready to speed-dial 911 to report a potential stalker, then the nice, non-paranoid women are going to give you a wide berth. Nobody finds a chip on the shoulder attractive.

It has nothing to do with a chip. I don't have one honestly. I'm merely pointing out the inherent dangers of approaching the opposite sex. Granted, the majority of girls (and guys) are rational and sane. But there are a few (on both sides) that have really managed to screw things up for the rest of us.

Just speaking from personal experience I once asked a girl for directions to the lecture hall on campus. I swear to God she was ready to bolt like a rabbit and I was 15 feet away from her. You could literally see the fear. Crazy.

 

[jaerdaph]

What my dad told me. Be like this guy:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...002-6536789-9241632?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Edit: Ooops - linked the wrong book, probably written by some Boston fan...

 

[mythago]

Just speaking from personal experience I once asked a girl for directions to the lecture hall on campus. I swear to God she was ready to bolt like a rabbit and I was 15 feet away from her. You could literally see the fear. Crazy.

Do you think that there might have been some reason, having nothing to do with you personally or with some terrible shift from 'charming' to 'creepy' in social perceptions, that she might have been that scared? Say, she might have been a victim of one of the not-so-nice few and is perhaps not entirely recovered?

When you go on about how wooing is now harassment and you practically need a lawyer to ask a girl out and so on, you contribute to the problem. Exaggerating and being bitter about "the few" does not persuade the normal, non-paranoid many that you're one of the good guys, y'know?

 

[Jesus_marley]

Do you think that there might have been some reason, having nothing to do with you personally or with some terrible shift from 'charming' to 'creepy' in social perceptions, that she might have been that scared? Say, she might have been a victim of one of the not-so-nice few and is perhaps not entirely recovered?

My view on this is simple....

There may very well have been a reason she behaved that way that had nothing to do with me. But I also feel that if I have done nothing wrong, then she has no business treating me like I did. I also know this is somewhat unrealistic and that people carry over bad experiences, but it still really bothers me.

When you go on about how wooing is now harassment and you practically need a lawyer to ask a girl out and so on, you contribute to the problem. Exaggerating and being bitter about "the few" does not persuade the normal, non-paranoid many that you're one of the good guys, y'know?

As ridiculous as I think these laws are, they still have never stopped me from approaching someone I like. I do believe some of the laws in place are rather absurd and draconian but I don't understand how that makes me "bitter". I just know that while they are there, one must merely be careful to avoid "the Few".

 

[monkeyshines]

Yes, but Woody Allen's *screen persona *- the characters he plays - weren't rich.

They also weren't real people, and neither were the women characters.

Seriously, you guys should be listening to mythago. There is much wisdom there.

 

[Torm]

Best advice: Potato placed in the front of your pants. That's all I'm sayin'.

(j/k - all the good advice I'd give looks like it has been given)

 

[Nellisir]

Most of the advice laready given is sound. Be casual. Be yourself, in a publicly appropriate sort of way (don't bring up D&D unless she's in your group -- test similar interests with LotR or Harry Potter). Be interested IN HER. Expect a no; you'll be that much happier when she says yes. Practice flirting -- not hitting on women, just being friendly with the opposite sex (checkout counters, banks, etc -- smile, make eye contact, ask how things are, comment on the weather -- too hot, cold, windy, sunny, snowy...it's a) a shame how they're trapped inside; b) great that they get to be inside...there's a REASON why people always talk about the weather. If you don't know what the weather is, get out more).

Don't focus on just one person. Grab the bull by the horns. Ask three girls out* (though I know casual dating was a lost art on my old campus).

For god's sake, brush your teeth and take a shower. Shaving is optional these days.

Eye contact is a must, as is smiling (not just baring your teeth -- smiling). Remember to walk away.

Don't pressure. A no is a no is a no. If she says "maybe later", or "not now", don't push. And wait longer than an hour (more like a week or two).

Practice talking without stammering (I admit to still working on this one).

She probably can't read your mind.

Cheers
Nell.
* Do NOT do this when they are all standing around together.