freedoms_edge
First Post
Spider_Jerusalem said:
And that, explains the name <<<-------
A Chronicle of Ice, Luck and Honour - updated 19th December
And that, explains the name <<<-------
Spider_Jerusalem
Explorer
Oh yes. But you know what? I think you highlighted a grammar error. I'm such a sucker for this stuff, but I've been muddling over whether it should be Freedoms Edge or Freedom's Edge. I know, I know, in the grand scheme of things like the universe imploding then exploding in a continuous cycle it doesn't matter. But it sure as hell bugs me.
Freedom isn't a person, but it is an abstract concept, but then again it should be able to own something - such as this 'edge'. I say Freedom's Edge.
Dammnit. Any hot shot grammar wizards wanna sort that one out?
Spider J (successfully lost half of his audience with language speak)
Spider_Jerusalem
Explorer
Huzzah! My thoughts exactly.
Spider_Jerusalem
Explorer
A Chronicle of Ice, Luck and Honour
Chapter 7: Trailblazing
"Milo! Torious! Darmshall is burning!"
A laconic rising wind helped Dariel glide upwards, wings scything through the air with grace. His eyes focused across the vast area he now surveyed; the route back towards Darmshall. Thalin had intoned there might be hostile forces waiting to ambush them, and so Dariel had taken flight to soothe his master’s paranoia. But what greeted the owl’s sight was not an ambushing force; it was a thick, heavy column of smoke rising from where Darmshall should have been. It was too far to determine what had happened there, even with his eyesight. Unsure what to do, Dariel began to descend in a broad spiral taking him slowly back to the earth.
“Don’t be foolish, these gems should easily give each of us enough to go whatever way we choose,” said Thalin, carefully watching the reactions of his companions as he strode along.
“I do not know which way to travel yet. I shall stay in Darmshall until I am shown,” said Torious, “from that, I cannot be swayed.”
Milo let out a laugh, “Don’t you ever do what you want? Go somewhere you always wanted to go? Why do you always do what Tyr says?” questioned Milo.
Milo skipped in front of Torious and began to walk backwards so he could look at the Aasimar’s face. Torious looked back, his eyes level. No answer.
"Well fine. Be like that," huffed Milo, "just remember that I'm giving you permission right now to go and do whatever you want, not what Tyr says."
"Wants are nothing, lusts are corruption," recited Torious, "Life is justice."
"Oh for Tymora's sake," wailed Milo.
Milo rolled his eyes, then became embroiled in a domestic with Isplit. Apparently biscuits were low, and wages were lower. Milo smiled an apology at his companions then dropped back a few paces to get a little privacy.
"And what are your plans mage?" asked Torious.
"I can't go back to my father now," sighed Thalin, "so I suppose I need to keep moving. Maybe join a mage's guild and study the Art if I find somewhere suitable."
"No, I mean what of the immediate future. Are you to depart Darmshall immediately?"
"Yes, I think so," nodded the mage, "to Tilverton."
Milo squealed in fright as a white blur tore past his head. Dropping to the floor, Milo rolled and unlatched his crossbow, drawing a bead on the vicious creature now sitting on Thalin’s shoulder. Realising his mistake, Milo picked himself up and laughed a little, only to hear an exasperated sigh from Isplit as the weasel collected his things up from where they had fallen.
Thalin stood for a moment as Dariel hopped back and forth on his shoulder. Suddenly Thalin's knuckles tightened around Erifeci, “Milo! Torious! Darmshall is burning!”
“Wait!!! I can give you gold… gems… magic!” screeched the trader as the crackling war-hammer head hummed through the air.
Mikka ducked again, his eyes wild as the huge metal-plated knight lunged forward. Not wanting to be on the end of whatever magic was held in the war-hammer, Mikka scurried backwards into the shifting shadows of a burning building as the hulking knight advanced. Darmshall would be a beastly place to meet an end.
Hefting the war-hammer around again, the dying sun played across the ogre-sized knight’s armour. His heavy bronze helm was shaped into the visage of a snarling black bear. Fully coated in plate mail, The Bear moved fast and almost caught Mikka again. This time only the thief’s unnatural reflexes saved him.
Mikka felt the ledge of a windowsill behind him, and seeing his chance, hopped upwards as the hammer dented a crater into the mortar of the building. With a sudden discharge of energy, the entire wall of the building Mikka was about to escape through exploded outwards in a deafening peal of thunder. Mikka's escape route was now flattened debris. The thief tumbled forwards as The Bear grunted in anger at missing his target and went to take another swing, his war-hammer shuddering with energy again.
Chapter 7: Trailblazing
"Milo! Torious! Darmshall is burning!"
A laconic rising wind helped Dariel glide upwards, wings scything through the air with grace. His eyes focused across the vast area he now surveyed; the route back towards Darmshall. Thalin had intoned there might be hostile forces waiting to ambush them, and so Dariel had taken flight to soothe his master’s paranoia. But what greeted the owl’s sight was not an ambushing force; it was a thick, heavy column of smoke rising from where Darmshall should have been. It was too far to determine what had happened there, even with his eyesight. Unsure what to do, Dariel began to descend in a broad spiral taking him slowly back to the earth.
“Don’t be foolish, these gems should easily give each of us enough to go whatever way we choose,” said Thalin, carefully watching the reactions of his companions as he strode along.
“I do not know which way to travel yet. I shall stay in Darmshall until I am shown,” said Torious, “from that, I cannot be swayed.”
Milo let out a laugh, “Don’t you ever do what you want? Go somewhere you always wanted to go? Why do you always do what Tyr says?” questioned Milo.
Milo skipped in front of Torious and began to walk backwards so he could look at the Aasimar’s face. Torious looked back, his eyes level. No answer.
"Well fine. Be like that," huffed Milo, "just remember that I'm giving you permission right now to go and do whatever you want, not what Tyr says."
"Wants are nothing, lusts are corruption," recited Torious, "Life is justice."
"Oh for Tymora's sake," wailed Milo.
Milo rolled his eyes, then became embroiled in a domestic with Isplit. Apparently biscuits were low, and wages were lower. Milo smiled an apology at his companions then dropped back a few paces to get a little privacy.
"And what are your plans mage?" asked Torious.
"I can't go back to my father now," sighed Thalin, "so I suppose I need to keep moving. Maybe join a mage's guild and study the Art if I find somewhere suitable."
"No, I mean what of the immediate future. Are you to depart Darmshall immediately?"
"Yes, I think so," nodded the mage, "to Tilverton."
Milo squealed in fright as a white blur tore past his head. Dropping to the floor, Milo rolled and unlatched his crossbow, drawing a bead on the vicious creature now sitting on Thalin’s shoulder. Realising his mistake, Milo picked himself up and laughed a little, only to hear an exasperated sigh from Isplit as the weasel collected his things up from where they had fallen.
Thalin stood for a moment as Dariel hopped back and forth on his shoulder. Suddenly Thalin's knuckles tightened around Erifeci, “Milo! Torious! Darmshall is burning!”
- - - - - - - - - -
“Wait!!! I can give you gold… gems… magic!” screeched the trader as the crackling war-hammer head hummed through the air.
Mikka ducked again, his eyes wild as the huge metal-plated knight lunged forward. Not wanting to be on the end of whatever magic was held in the war-hammer, Mikka scurried backwards into the shifting shadows of a burning building as the hulking knight advanced. Darmshall would be a beastly place to meet an end.
Hefting the war-hammer around again, the dying sun played across the ogre-sized knight’s armour. His heavy bronze helm was shaped into the visage of a snarling black bear. Fully coated in plate mail, The Bear moved fast and almost caught Mikka again. This time only the thief’s unnatural reflexes saved him.
Mikka felt the ledge of a windowsill behind him, and seeing his chance, hopped upwards as the hammer dented a crater into the mortar of the building. With a sudden discharge of energy, the entire wall of the building Mikka was about to escape through exploded outwards in a deafening peal of thunder. Mikka's escape route was now flattened debris. The thief tumbled forwards as The Bear grunted in anger at missing his target and went to take another swing, his war-hammer shuddering with energy again.
- - - - - - - - - -
Last edited:
spidertrag
First Post
Nice job spider J looking forward to more
Ashy
First Post
Spider_Jerusalem said:
This is a little awkward, SJ, I think I know what you mean, but I am not sure - watch for these sorts of things.
This strikes me as one of those expressions where *YOU* (the writer) knew what you meant, but as soon as it gets put on the page, it just does not translate as clearly. Spider_Jerusalem said:
This, however, is utterly glorious!!! Wonderful and powerful imagery! Very nice job!
Spider_Jerusalem
Explorer
Hey spidertrag, nice to have you on board (spiders work better in groups, says I). Well, next update should be tomorrow. I don't want to flood my readers with posts because I know all to well how easy it is to lose grip of a story hour. Anyway, listen to me! Thanks for giving this SH a whirl, it only gets better from here on in.
Hit the nail on the head! That line made me wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I wanted to change it, but words failed me again and again. Perhaps 'tendrils' would have given a better impression. Or snakes. Still unsure about that one. but you're right... it does need a kick up the arse to be a better description. [note to self]Ah well, move on and improve improve improve[/note to self].
Thanks for the feedback on style by the way - I appreciate it, so please keep it coming. Oh, and the 'fatal, glowing snow' made me all warm inside when I wrote it down... glad that you share my love for this stuff!
Ooooh. "The Bear". I'm sure Freedom's Edge has a word or two to mutter about this guy. I won't say anymore until you hear his version of things - [don't give anything away buddy!]
Spider J
