Players get mad at me (DM) when i enjoy other hobbies that are in my life. please help.

Halivar said:

Sounds to me like the OP did exactly this. He was upfront; this tank he's building is more important than roleplaying. Life is too short to NOT invest in your true passion. Someone else in the group needs to step up and learn how to DM.

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Well, it's unclear, because it doesn't sound to me like he's done this. What it sounds like is happening is the OP has said "I'll DM, don't worry! Play my campaign!", and then has been repeatedly cancelling his agreed gaming sessions - not in a straightforward "No games for three months, find something else to do!" way, but on a shorter-term basis, like he's saying "Oh, we'll playing in three weeks", then a week or two later, is say "Oh, nope, too busy with tank!".

Only the OP can clarify that, of course.

No-one is suggesting he not make the tanks - what is being suggested is that he attempt some straightforward and honest time-management (which is a skill, and which not everyone has, but it's a big problem if you're promising to DM and then cancelling, repeatedly), and block out some time to make the tank, and not schedule D&D sessions in that time. I'm not sure that's hard. He might also want to say that his campaign is on long-term hiatus, and be honest and admit that it might never come back on regularly, because he prefers to build tanks.

Sad for the players, perhaps, but they can then re-arrange their affairs appropriately. Basically, he need to let them "off the hook", as it were - stop acting like he's a DM, when he actually wants to be is a tank-builder.

If, on the other hand, he wants to keep the players and run his campaign, he needs to schedule time for that, and keep to that scheduled time, unless there is an emergency (not just a choice to do something different). We all have to make choices with our time. Those choices have consequences, and you cannot expect people to respect you just cancelling pre-booked sessions repeatedly (no matter the notice), just to do something else which you could do at any time. It shows very clearly that you value that hobby more than their company and whilst that's fine, you can't hide from the fact that you're sending that message.

I do not think there is anything wrong with the OP wanting to mix up his schedule and focus on tanks certain weeks, then on gaming in others. But i do feel like his group may need a different person to GM, pr the OP needs players who are more comfortable with the schedule he wants. They could also consider rotating GMs. While it is perfectly reasonable and fair to have other interests and game on a schedule that is convenient for all your hobbies, it is not fair to expect players to wait during the months when you are not able to GM. My suggesting is for you to encourage one of them to GM a different campaign when you're doing the tank thing. See if they are open to rotating. Another option is to game every other week, so you can do your tanks on weekends in between.

First of all, awesome hobby. And yeah, I mean the building vivariums and suchlike. Good on you.

Second of all, you need to be honest with yourself and with your friends. It doesn't sound like you're going to be able to juggle both. You MIGHT be able to get by by alternating, but it might just be easier to focus on one at a time.

It's a little unclear if you stopped the game for 3 months, or if you repeatedly cancelled the game over three months. The first is what it is; that's your right. The second is a pain. You get stressed because you're trying to do two things and failing; your friends get stressed because their plans are continually being screwed over.

You have a right to your hobbies, but you have an obligation to everyone else to keep them informed and allow them to make plans without you in a prompt and timely manner.

Halivar said:

Sounds to me like the OP did exactly this. He was upfront; this tank he's building is more important than roleplaying. Life is too short to NOT invest in your true passion. Someone else in the group needs to step up and learn how to DM.

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No one is saying don't invest time in your passion. But doing that requires choices and managing your time. He came here asking for advice on how to do both so that is group is not angry with him. That sounds to me that he wants to do both.

Nobody is telling him he must DM we are saying that when you offer to DM you need to be upfront and honest with your group about what you are doing. The same goes with playing. This is a social hobby and there is a social contract involved when you do something with other people. He owes it to his group to be upfront and honest about how much time he can give to DMing.
Since we don't know what he told his group I think you are wrong to be judging them as the problem.

Elf Witch said:

Nobody is telling him he must DM we are saying that when you offer to DM you need to be upfront and honest with your group about what you are doing. The same goes with playing. This is a social hobby and there is a social contract involved when you do something with other people. He owes it to his group to be upfront and honest about how much time he can give to DMing.

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Ayup. I'm dealing with this in my own brand-new gaming group. I've had to step in and take over DMing for a session or two to get things back on track and to keep the group from falling apart immediately after forming.

Nellisir said:

Ayup. I'm dealing with this in my own brand-new gaming group. I've had to step in and take over DMing for a session or two to get things back on track and to keep the group from falling apart immediately after forming.

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The hardest thing I had to do was stop DMing for awhile. My health and some other issues were making it impossible for me to take the time to work on my campaign. I knew the players were loving it and they didn't want me to stop but I could sense the unhappiness with many times I was cancelling. So I had an honest talk with them and that was when my roommate stepped up to DM.

We had a situation several years ago with a DM not telling s that he was getting burnt out he knew we loved the game in the end things went side wise because of it and left some bad feelings. All that could have been avoided by opening his mouth and talking to us.

Elf Witch said:

The hardest thing I had to do was stop DMing for awhile. My health and some other issues were making it impossible for me to take the time to work on my campaign. I knew the players were loving it and they didn't want me to stop but I could sense the unhappiness with many times I was cancelling. So I had an honest talk with them and that was when my roommate stepped up to DM.

We had a situation several years ago with a DM not telling s that he was getting burnt out he knew we loved the game in the end things went side wise because of it and left some bad feelings. All that could have been avoided by opening his mouth and talking to us.

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We just started a group and someone else was keen to DM, but after an entire session of character gen, the next session was cancelled (only 1 player available), the next session he failed to find a space to play and so we had to cancel, this session I found a space and but he just assumed we weren't playing for some reason (hadn't read any of the emails the group had exchanged) and had already planned to spend his time packing. Next session he's out of town. So I ran this week and will run next week. He's got us starting with 3rd level 3.5 gestalt characters; I went hardcore OSR - 4 classes, 4 races, no feats, no skills. Had to read the adventure as we went, but it went very well; next week will be smoother since I'll have time to prep.