rgoodbb
Adventurer
I am going be playing a bard soon and wish to add the odd song or two with my non-combat performances.
I know there are multiple threads on songs already but I have two and would like a couple more.
They need to be short, a little naughty but not too offensive and have a comedy element that would make a crowded tavern laugh. I would especially like ones that are not already pop/rock/rap songs with a few words changed. These are my two. The first I wrote and the second is a very old english song.
The Pissing Guard
-Well she walked by the guard and gave him a kiss
-But he had to stand still just needin’ a piss
-And she rubbed her hand up where she dare
-Well he almost relieved himself... Right there
-As she backed up naughtily towards his peg
-A little bit of pee trickled down his leg
-Twas a bad time to give him a squeezer
-Cause he gushed-on-out like a water geyser
-Oh the pissing guard, it’s a common curse
-Don’t time it well, and you need to burst
-Squeeze it in, hold on tight
-It’s gonna be a bloody long night. Hoy!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-After the drinking was over, she took out her glass eye,
-Put her false teeth in the water, hung up her wig to dry;
-Placed her false arm on the table, laid her false leg on the chair;
-After the drinking was over, she was hardly even there!
Something along the same lines as these would be really appreciated.
Remember: Short, Funny, Naughty but Nice
Tap, tap, tap........Your auditions now please......
I know there are multiple threads on songs already but I have two and would like a couple more.
They need to be short, a little naughty but not too offensive and have a comedy element that would make a crowded tavern laugh. I would especially like ones that are not already pop/rock/rap songs with a few words changed. These are my two. The first I wrote and the second is a very old english song.
The Pissing Guard
-Well she walked by the guard and gave him a kiss
-But he had to stand still just needin’ a piss
-And she rubbed her hand up where she dare
-Well he almost relieved himself... Right there
-As she backed up naughtily towards his peg
-A little bit of pee trickled down his leg
-Twas a bad time to give him a squeezer
-Cause he gushed-on-out like a water geyser
-Oh the pissing guard, it’s a common curse
-Don’t time it well, and you need to burst
-Squeeze it in, hold on tight
-It’s gonna be a bloody long night. Hoy!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-After the drinking was over, she took out her glass eye,
-Put her false teeth in the water, hung up her wig to dry;
-Placed her false arm on the table, laid her false leg on the chair;
-After the drinking was over, she was hardly even there!
Something along the same lines as these would be really appreciated.
Remember: Short, Funny, Naughty but Nice
Tap, tap, tap........Your auditions now please......
