Favorite Bard Songs

[Dannyalcatraz]

FALCHION (David Bowie's "Fashion")

There's a brand new blade
But I don't know it's name
That people from strange lands
Use again and again
It's big and it's bad
Bringing tension and fear
They use it over there
but we don't use it here

[CHORUS]
Falchion! Strike to the left
Falchion! Strike to the right
Ohhhhh, Falchion!
We are the goon squad
And we're coming to town
Bleed-bleed
Bleed-bleed

Listen to me - don't listen to me
Talk to me - don't talk to me
Fight with me - don't fight with me, no
Bleed-bleed
Bleed-bleed

There's a brand new sound,
But it's not very clear
That people from good homes
Are hearing this year
It's loud and tasteless
And I've heard it before
You hear it while you're killing
On the front lines of war
Ohhhhh chop, Falchion

[CHORUS]

Listen to me - don't listen to me
Talk to me - don't talk to me
Fight with me - don't fight with me, no
Bleed-bleed
Bleed-bleed

Ohhhhh, block,
chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
Fa-fa-fa-fa-Falchion
Ohhhhh, block,
chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
Fa-fa-fa-fa-Falchion
La-la la la la la la-la

 

[Minigiant]

The Dumb Orc song.

Orcs are Dumb
Orcs are Morons
Orcs are the Stupidest Faction
Orcs are Lame
'cause they don't know
All of these is a distraction!

 

[Argyle King]

Ok, this is inspired by the current "How do YOU play a Bard?" thread.

* What are your favorite bard songs that you have written?
* Do you write parodies of contemporary songs or create original compositions?

Feel free to post and share.

This one is an original composition of mine.

Ballad of The Sand Dragon
Laughing gods went crazy
Chaos swept the land
Heroes search for answers
Trek across the sand

On the horizon
Ominous black pyramid they see
Hellish heat rains down
They venture on tirelessly

Throw your dice and gamble
Glory you might win
But one wrong bet
And you'll never roll again

Earth cracks open
Roaring beast rears its head
With one fell swoop
A hero now lay dead

One of their number fell
The rest fight on
Whistling arrows
Conjured spell

Draw a card and gamble
Glory you might win
Pray you don't find the one
Or you'll never play again

With sword and spell they fought
Vicious claw and fang
Grievous wounds traded
Majestic bards sang

Throw your dice and gamble
Glory you might win

But one wrong bet
And you'll never roll again

Like lightning luck struck quickly
An opening did show
This was heroes' chance
To land thund'rous blow

Twenty on the table
Blood on sandy floor
The heroes clutched victory
The dragon was no more

Cards held and gambled
Glory, justice did win
But will luck smile?
When heroes play again

Draw a card and gamble
Glory you might win
Pray you don't find the one
Or you'll never play again
​

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"i kissed a Grell; aka: Charm Monster"

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, staff in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what I'm used to
Just wanna try it on
I'm curious for it
Caught my attention

I kissed a Grell and I liked it
The beak tastes like bloody meatsticks
I kissed a Grell just to try it
I hope my consort don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a Grell and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Druids do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed a Grell and I liked it
The beak tastes like bloody meatsticks
I kissed a Grell just to try it
I hope my consort don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a Grell and I liked it
I liked it

Druids we are so magical
Oak leaves, curved blades, shapechangeable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a Grell and I liked it
The beak tastes like bloody meatsticks
I kissed a Grell just to try it
I hope my consort don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a Grell and I liked it
I liked it

 

[Adam La Spata]

I adapted Billy Joel's "The Entertainer" for my bard. It really fits if you have the Entertainer background. Joel did most of the work; I just changed a few words and took out a verse.

I am the entertainer and I know just where I stand:
Another serenader and another long-haired band.
Today I am your champion; I may have won your hearts
But I know the game, you'll forget my name
And I won't be here in another year
Without my cunning arts.

I am the entertainer and I’ve had to pay my price.
The things I did not know at first I learned by doin’ twice.
Ah, but still they come to haunt me. Still they want their say.
So I've learned the dance that is romance.
I play my flute and I strum my lute
And they go their merry way.

I am the entertainer, been all around the world.
I’ve played all kinds of palaces and loved all kinds of girls.
I can’t remember faces. I don’t remember names.
Ah, but what the hell, you know it's just as well
‘Cause after a while and a thousand miles
It all becomes the same.

I am the entertainer. I come to do my show
You've heard me sing in taverns a song you may not know.
Ah, it took me years to write it - the best years of my life.
It was a beautiful song but it ran so long
Just like I did: from the husband, I hid
When I loved my neighbor’s wife.

I am the entertainer and you know just where I stand:
Not just a serenader or another long-haired band.
I’ll always be a champion for I have moved your hearts
And you know my fame, won’t forget my name
And my magic clear means that I’ll be here
With all my cunning arts.

 

[Lanefan]

I adapted Billy Joel's "The Entertainer" for my bard. It really fits if you have the Entertainer background. Joel did most of the work; I just changed a few words and took out a verse.

Those are often the best rewordings, where you don't in fact have to change very much at all to completely change the meaning.

Lanefan

 

[Adam La Spata]

Here are some more musical parodies for your use/amusement:

If you happen to use Mage Hand... (sung to Conway Twitty's "Slow Hand")

I want a bard with a mage hand
I want a minstrel with a magic touch.
I want a cantrip that can hold a glass
‘Cause, when you think about it, it can’t do too much.
For when we find ourselves undermanned,
We need a bard with a mage hand.

For spells of healing, disease curing, etc... (sung to the tune of Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing")

Maybe you need some restoration
And feelin’ some vexation.
Or maybe you just can’t stand no longer
You got to be much stronger.
And when you get that feeling
You want magical healing
Magical healing, oh yeah
Makes you feel so fine.

For all those useful illusion spells... (sung to the tune of Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now")

Bows and flows of angel hair
And magic flowing everywhere
Enchantments flying through the air
I've looked at spells that way.
But now they serve to hide your gaze
Through my arcana, be amazed.
So many songs that can be sung
To let me have my way.

I've looked at spells from both sides now
From up and down and finally now
The right illusion I recall
To make it seem like naught at all.

And, for some uplifting of your party during Bardic Inspiration... (sung to the tune of The Beatles' "With a Little Help from My Friends")

Maybe you’re tired or weary or sore
Or just feelin’ weak in the knees.
Harken your ears to my song of yore
And you’ll soon feel as strong as the trees.
Oh you get by with a little help from your friends.
Mm rollin’ high with a little help from your friends.
You can rely on a little help from your friends.

 

[MichaelSomething]

I turned the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song into a theme song for The Adventurers of Destiney

Adventurers of Destiny
Adventurers of Destiny
Adventurers of Destiny
Explorers of Undermountian; Hero Power!

We’re the world’s most fearsome fighting team
We’re an ensemble cast of heroes, a great team
When the evil monsters attacks,
these adventurers don’t cut them no slack

Adventurers of Destiny
Adventurers of Destiny

Kavine is the wizard of the team
Gyud leads, and Kuhn does healing
Krilla's cool, but rude
Nervinral is a party dude

Adventurers of Destiny
Adventurers of Destiny
Adventurers of Destiny
Explorers of Undermountian; Hero Power!

 

[derp magicz]

So, when I was young my Dad would play Johnny Cash, and I wanted to use one of his sangs, and decided on The Man in Black. However my Bard is a rather nice guy and an Aasimar, so here is the first bit of his theme,

The Man in White.

Well, you wonder why I always dress in White,
even though it makes me easier to see in the light,
And why does my appearance seem to have a bright tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the white for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the white for those who nearly never eat,
Or listened to my beautiful music's beat,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
that seems perfectly obvious to me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
With all o' our fightin men and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who can't see the light,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In white.


Edit: First and third verse were a bit clunky, fixed them up a bit.

 

[Eltab]

My 3e Bard was named Gondolin Adanedhel.
His first adventure, at a con, was salvaging the cargo from a sunken ship.
Then I sat in on a subsequent slot as they played through the same module.
I took notes on both, plus wracked my memory for the cool moments.

I wrote The Ballad of the Emerald Princess afterwards to tell the story - slightly inflated but who's to know the difference? - of how it went. The original write-up ran 5 printed pages and still had a lot of summary text in it instead of verses. Of course I'm not going to reprint it here, because I am truly a poor poet.

After Gondolin had a chance to polish it (a lot), the piece became an epic retelling, and his Masterwork.
If you ever meet an LFR or AL bard in a tavern performing his version of the piece, you now know the origin.