EN World Short Story Smackdown - FINAL: Berandor vs Piratecat - The Judgment Is In!
Dlsharrock
First Post
In case Berandor wins:
I know someone who saw him drinking in a bar the whole time, and someone else said they saw him jotting down his story on a bar napkin between stripper shows.
Herremann the Wise
First Post
Round Three
Piratecat vs. Rodrigo Istalindir
ARWINK’S JUDGMENT
Piratecat / Meme
Ah meta-text. I love me some meta-text and I enjoyed the way Piratecat used the connections to familiar narratives to good effect here. The voice and language is great and the story itself is very clever, but by the end I was left with a lingering feeling that I hadn’t actually enjoyed this quite as much as I could have for two key reasons.
The first is the need to explain the world the story takes place in, which seems to linger on for a couple of beats longer than it really needs to. This is a tricky thing to balance, but I felt like the nature of the world was being pointed out to me a few times more than necessary to make sure I’d “got it” when I’d already process the world and wanted something else to happen. The nature of the world is right there in the title, so I think Piratecat could scale back and trust the readers to figure things out without explicitly explaining the details.
The second largely comes down to the characters, who don’t really engage me. Piratecat’s got a great world set-up and he provides us with conflict, but the danger is all external to the characters. I was looking for some kind of internal conflict and path for both the old keeper and the new, and it never really seemed to arrive.
Rodrigo Istalindir / Untitled
Rodrigo starts strong here, but I think the story loses its way during the post-split. The set-up drew me into the story without any problems and I found myself intrigued by the notion of the holy worm and the world that’d given birth to these characters. And then I lost track of what was going on – I’m not sure *why* Charlie is so deadest against the bugs and willing to risk his life on breaking out rather than doing the job he was hired for. I think the ideas may be there, but they’re being rushed through, and the ending lacks resonance as a result.
Worse, the lack of context in the finale makes some of the picture-use seem slightly arbitrary rather than honed – the set-up for it isn’t quite as strong as it needs to be in order to make things inevitable. The bears, for example, are one of Chekhov’s metaphorical guns – if they’re going to be fired in the third act, we need to see them hanging on the wall in the first; besides, that final image is too god not to set it up and use it at its best.
Judgment
This is another really tough round, as both competitors wrote well-enough that they deserve to go through to the finals and both turned in stories that are perhaps just a few tweaks and a little extra time away from being truly awesome. I think the round is going to Piratecat by a cats whisker though, primarily on the strength of the meta-textual games and the subtlety of some of the icons that slip in.
THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE
I thought this set of pictures was diverse and vivid – perfect for putting two Ceramic DM veterans through the ringer. I have to say, neither of these excellent stories disappointed.
Piratecat has gone the philosophical route which I absolutely love. The blending of so many iconic references was excellent, the story resonating with some powerful ideas. Rodrigo’s near-future action thriller was excellently written, with the foot to the pedal for most of the journey. However, the finale here seemed rushed and what should have been one hell of a showdown revealing what Charlie’s real involvement was never eventuated. Still, I did enjoy this story.
All in all, I felt that PC has dealt with the images provided better than has Rodrigo, weaving them seamlessly together, finding some wonderful interactions between them that drive the story. Rodrigo in this regard has some excellently used images – the road sign – and others less so – the wild things, woman in the tree.
As such, Piratecat gets my vote for this round with a very complete package.
MALDUR’S JUDGMENT
Piratecat: damn that is a nice bit of storytelling. I especially liked the way you used the roadsign not found, and the max and the monsters picture.
Rodrigo Istalindir: damn solid start, very roadwarrior/cyberpunkish story, one of my favourite genres. The roadsign explanation was very well done, I didnt see that coming, very clever. The end however I found slightly less, there seemed to be a difference in how the attitude towards tech was portraited. great story overall though
Judgement: Rodrigo Istalindir, though I would have loved more of the first part of the story, and less of the seciond part
FINAL JUDGMENT
Congratulations to both our competitors for some excellent stuff this round, you had the judges in lather. There can only be one winner though and so Piratecat advances through 2-1 but props to Rodrigo for an excellent competition.
Piratecat vs. Rodrigo Istalindir
ARWINK’S JUDGMENT
Piratecat / Meme
Ah meta-text. I love me some meta-text and I enjoyed the way Piratecat used the connections to familiar narratives to good effect here. The voice and language is great and the story itself is very clever, but by the end I was left with a lingering feeling that I hadn’t actually enjoyed this quite as much as I could have for two key reasons.
The first is the need to explain the world the story takes place in, which seems to linger on for a couple of beats longer than it really needs to. This is a tricky thing to balance, but I felt like the nature of the world was being pointed out to me a few times more than necessary to make sure I’d “got it” when I’d already process the world and wanted something else to happen. The nature of the world is right there in the title, so I think Piratecat could scale back and trust the readers to figure things out without explicitly explaining the details.
The second largely comes down to the characters, who don’t really engage me. Piratecat’s got a great world set-up and he provides us with conflict, but the danger is all external to the characters. I was looking for some kind of internal conflict and path for both the old keeper and the new, and it never really seemed to arrive.
Rodrigo Istalindir / Untitled
Rodrigo starts strong here, but I think the story loses its way during the post-split. The set-up drew me into the story without any problems and I found myself intrigued by the notion of the holy worm and the world that’d given birth to these characters. And then I lost track of what was going on – I’m not sure *why* Charlie is so deadest against the bugs and willing to risk his life on breaking out rather than doing the job he was hired for. I think the ideas may be there, but they’re being rushed through, and the ending lacks resonance as a result.
Worse, the lack of context in the finale makes some of the picture-use seem slightly arbitrary rather than honed – the set-up for it isn’t quite as strong as it needs to be in order to make things inevitable. The bears, for example, are one of Chekhov’s metaphorical guns – if they’re going to be fired in the third act, we need to see them hanging on the wall in the first; besides, that final image is too god not to set it up and use it at its best.
Judgment
This is another really tough round, as both competitors wrote well-enough that they deserve to go through to the finals and both turned in stories that are perhaps just a few tweaks and a little extra time away from being truly awesome. I think the round is going to Piratecat by a cats whisker though, primarily on the strength of the meta-textual games and the subtlety of some of the icons that slip in.
THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE
I thought this set of pictures was diverse and vivid – perfect for putting two Ceramic DM veterans through the ringer. I have to say, neither of these excellent stories disappointed.
Piratecat has gone the philosophical route which I absolutely love. The blending of so many iconic references was excellent, the story resonating with some powerful ideas. Rodrigo’s near-future action thriller was excellently written, with the foot to the pedal for most of the journey. However, the finale here seemed rushed and what should have been one hell of a showdown revealing what Charlie’s real involvement was never eventuated. Still, I did enjoy this story.
All in all, I felt that PC has dealt with the images provided better than has Rodrigo, weaving them seamlessly together, finding some wonderful interactions between them that drive the story. Rodrigo in this regard has some excellently used images – the road sign – and others less so – the wild things, woman in the tree.
As such, Piratecat gets my vote for this round with a very complete package.
MALDUR’S JUDGMENT
Piratecat: damn that is a nice bit of storytelling. I especially liked the way you used the roadsign not found, and the max and the monsters picture.
Rodrigo Istalindir: damn solid start, very roadwarrior/cyberpunkish story, one of my favourite genres. The roadsign explanation was very well done, I didnt see that coming, very clever. The end however I found slightly less, there seemed to be a difference in how the attitude towards tech was portraited. great story overall though
Judgement: Rodrigo Istalindir, though I would have loved more of the first part of the story, and less of the seciond part
FINAL JUDGMENT
Congratulations to both our competitors for some excellent stuff this round, you had the judges in lather. There can only be one winner though and so Piratecat advances through 2-1 but props to Rodrigo for an excellent competition.
Herremann the Wise
First Post
Round Three
Berandor vs. Dlsharrock
ARWINK’S JUDGMENT
Berandor / Denial
I liked Berandor’s set-up, particularly the opening scenes; he sets up the situation and the characters fast and keeps things moving at a fair clip. There were occasional oddities (Who goes and sees Dolly Parton *the day after* their wedding? Would we have lost anything if it’d been a week? A month?) to the characters which didn’t quite fit with the image I was getting, nor did they truly suit the ending we were given.
I think the ending proved to be the biggest weakness here – it’s the conclusion to a different story, not the one you’ve been telling me thus far. There was a realness to the lives of the characters in the introduction that’s absence in the idealized love-conquers-all conclusion.
Disharrock / Harbinger
I’m a fan of big, bombastic narrative voices and the effect they can generate, but once I peeled that away from this story I found myself wondering what I was getting. Most of the time I’m adrift – this is a quick-fire montage that doesn’t give me time to really process and ground myself in the story, nor does it give me a character that I can hold onto for longer than a few seconds. In many respects it feels like it’s stalling for time until the story catches up to the voice, as it does towards the end. Could have been stronger if it was given more time, particularly the time to edit and even-out the overall effect.
Judgment
The round goes to Berandor without question in my eyes, as he has the stronger story overall.
THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE
The images this time were the classic case of the odd one out. Our two competitors however have taken different paths in their telling – Berandor the straight forward and Dlsharrock the referential.
Berandor’s tale is well executed although the final stages seemed a little loose. Berandor was able to convey the emotions of Pam exceedingly well but there was a certain lack of... something that clouded the ending for me. Still there was enough here that I congratulate you on weaving the images together as well as you did.
Dlsharrock has written a piece that is nothing short of an extravaganza of imagery and language. I adored the style, daring as it is in a semi-final. I really had to work at this piece to try and ferret out the various references to the images provided – an enjoyable task but a task none the less.
The image flashes here and there however force me to once again ponder how well Dlsharrock has dealt with the pictures provided and their necessity to the prophecy given. Unfortunately, I’m left feeling that once again, an image is used but then dismissed equally as quickly, the only one having true resonance being the lady photo/tattoo. However, this is not enough to drive the piece alone and as such, I think what would have been a draw has turned ever so slightly in Berandor’s favour.
In all honesty though, I don’t think I have debated in my mind so much on a match since tadk versus Rodrigo I think several competitions back. On the one hand I feel like I am taking the easier path giving my vote to Berandor but on the other, I feel like Dlsharrock has left me with little choice. Berandor gets my vote but congratulations to Dlsharrock for providing something different, challenging and so incredibly vivid.
MALDUR’S JUDGMENT
Berandor: this story read weirdly, it all felt a bit ...fabricated, it missed a certain flow.
dlsharrock: ok, I find it very well done. I wouldnt be able to do it, but I find "ye olde english" completely unreadable
Judgement: you guys made it hard, it is unreadable vs a lesser story. But in the end I will go for dlsharrock for I found it way more impressively written
Good luck for the finalists!
FINAL JUDGMENT
Berandor sneaks through 2-1. As I write this, I ponder whether I should have called my vote a draw, allowing an unprecedented three into the final? A very close thing in my mind at least - congratulations to both our competitors.
Berandor vs. Dlsharrock
ARWINK’S JUDGMENT
Berandor / Denial
I liked Berandor’s set-up, particularly the opening scenes; he sets up the situation and the characters fast and keeps things moving at a fair clip. There were occasional oddities (Who goes and sees Dolly Parton *the day after* their wedding? Would we have lost anything if it’d been a week? A month?) to the characters which didn’t quite fit with the image I was getting, nor did they truly suit the ending we were given.
I think the ending proved to be the biggest weakness here – it’s the conclusion to a different story, not the one you’ve been telling me thus far. There was a realness to the lives of the characters in the introduction that’s absence in the idealized love-conquers-all conclusion.
Disharrock / Harbinger
I’m a fan of big, bombastic narrative voices and the effect they can generate, but once I peeled that away from this story I found myself wondering what I was getting. Most of the time I’m adrift – this is a quick-fire montage that doesn’t give me time to really process and ground myself in the story, nor does it give me a character that I can hold onto for longer than a few seconds. In many respects it feels like it’s stalling for time until the story catches up to the voice, as it does towards the end. Could have been stronger if it was given more time, particularly the time to edit and even-out the overall effect.
Judgment
The round goes to Berandor without question in my eyes, as he has the stronger story overall.
THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE
The images this time were the classic case of the odd one out. Our two competitors however have taken different paths in their telling – Berandor the straight forward and Dlsharrock the referential.
Berandor’s tale is well executed although the final stages seemed a little loose. Berandor was able to convey the emotions of Pam exceedingly well but there was a certain lack of... something that clouded the ending for me. Still there was enough here that I congratulate you on weaving the images together as well as you did.
Dlsharrock has written a piece that is nothing short of an extravaganza of imagery and language. I adored the style, daring as it is in a semi-final. I really had to work at this piece to try and ferret out the various references to the images provided – an enjoyable task but a task none the less.
The image flashes here and there however force me to once again ponder how well Dlsharrock has dealt with the pictures provided and their necessity to the prophecy given. Unfortunately, I’m left feeling that once again, an image is used but then dismissed equally as quickly, the only one having true resonance being the lady photo/tattoo. However, this is not enough to drive the piece alone and as such, I think what would have been a draw has turned ever so slightly in Berandor’s favour.
In all honesty though, I don’t think I have debated in my mind so much on a match since tadk versus Rodrigo I think several competitions back. On the one hand I feel like I am taking the easier path giving my vote to Berandor but on the other, I feel like Dlsharrock has left me with little choice. Berandor gets my vote but congratulations to Dlsharrock for providing something different, challenging and so incredibly vivid.
MALDUR’S JUDGMENT
Berandor: this story read weirdly, it all felt a bit ...fabricated, it missed a certain flow.
dlsharrock: ok, I find it very well done. I wouldnt be able to do it, but I find "ye olde english" completely unreadable
Judgement: you guys made it hard, it is unreadable vs a lesser story. But in the end I will go for dlsharrock for I found it way more impressively written
Good luck for the finalists!
FINAL JUDGMENT
Berandor sneaks through 2-1. As I write this, I ponder whether I should have called my vote a draw, allowing an unprecedented three into the final? A very close thing in my mind at least - congratulations to both our competitors.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Congrats, PC -- you've got your revenge! Good luck in the finals.
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Thanks, everyone. Rodrigo, well written. I spent this evening realizing that I couldn't call it myself.
This last round might be tricky to schedule. If we can't schedule it for Sunday night (Monday morning Aussie time), I may have to delay until next week due to some unavoidable problems. There's a window early in the week, though!
What's good for you, Berandor?
This last round might be tricky to schedule. If we can't schedule it for Sunday night (Monday morning Aussie time), I may have to delay until next week due to some unavoidable problems. There's a window early in the week, though!
What's good for you, Berandor?
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
> and then the prize.
Buddy, you shouldn't strive after the booby prize! Even if you're used to losing, that isn't very far-thinking of you. Should at least give yourself some credit.
You know, even if no one else does. *whistles casually*
Seriously? It's an honor to be going up against you.
Buddy, you shouldn't strive after the booby prize! Even if you're used to losing, that isn't very far-thinking of you. Should at least give yourself some credit.
You know, even if no one else does. *whistles casually*
Seriously? It's an honor to be going up against you.
