EN World Short Story Smackdown - FINAL: Berandor vs Piratecat - The Judgment Is In!
Herremann the Wise
First Post
Final
Berandor vs. Piratecat
ARWINK’S JUDGMENT
Berandor – Kingslayer, a Story in 6 ½ Chapters
On the surface, Berandor has provided us with a really solid story that showcases some very nice language, picture use and structure. While there were certainly parts that didn’t work for me (Matrix references without recontextualisation – aiieeee!), the overall effect is solid, but slippery.
Reading this story, for me, felt a little like running around after a greased pig – I had just enough detail to pick up what the story was doing, but it somehow stopped short of giving me the details I really needed to get a good grip on it and really understand. If you sat me down and asked me about what happened, where it happened, and why the characters did what they did I think most of my answers would come back with question marks: the overthrow of a virus/king? Some kind of virtual world? Religious idealism? I’m only about 80% sure of these answers, and I kept wanting more.
I think the reason that the story works as well as it does is because Berandor has a solid idea of what those answers are and the depths that exist behind the story he’s shown us, I just wish that a little more of that knowledge had filtered its way through to me as a reader.
Piratecat – Brood
I think this has been the most solid story of the competition in terms of tight plotting and character growth; it hits all the key elements of the three-act narrative at regular intervals, gives me all the information I need to really understand what’s going on. It feels, to me, like a very tightly-plotted Buffy-esque kind of TV episode, which is both the stories strength and weakness. It’s a strength because this kind of cohesiveness and polish is enviable when done in a three-day period.
It’s a weakness because, well, there just wasn’t much by way of surprise, not even in terms of the picture use. There was nothing that leapt out as bad or wrong, but the inevitability just kind of stole some of the joy from it for me.
For the me the ending was also something of a false note; The sentiment is probably right, but the execution needs work. Shelly needs to take control of her life after the disarray and misery she’s been living with at the start of the story, and she does in the lead-up to the climax, but the tone of her final speech to the roaches seems a bit regressive.
Judgment
Another tough round to judge: Berandor seems to be stretching further in his story, but Piratecat’s is definitely the more complete and coherent work. Neither has really blown me away with their picture use – I think this round would have been a steal if either contestant had done something other than “dead guy on a toilet” with one particular image.
Can I call it a draw? No? Damn. Piratecat then, though both contestants deserve kudos for their work in this round and the competition in general.
THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE
I thought these pictures would make our two competitors think while at the same time giving them some strong cues to feed off of. With six images to draw together, both would have to be at the top of their game – and I think they were.
Berandor has gone Matrixesque with an intriguing story of fanaticism and revenge. While initially confusing, I think there was enough going on here that it held my attention and kept me reading with a passion. And in fact, I think this is what I liked most about it. Berandor has a fine capacity to write things that just simply read well. The blend of structure and style was really well done.
Piratecat also has that amazing talent to write things that you want to read. The interplay between Shelly and Groat was very well handled but their interaction with the cockroaches I’m not as sure of. Whilst Groat, was happily explaining the “weirdness” of the roaches, Shelly seemed to accept a little too meekly what was going on. I thought she would have sought a second opinion or something. Despite this, the story for me was enjoyable and tightly controlled. The many “bug” references were well done too. About the only other thing that took the shine off of the experience was the ending which while suitable was not bristling with strength and revelation. On the whole though, an excellent story and effort.
And so how did our competitors deal with the images given? I think the standout was Piratecat’s imaginative double use of the crim pictures – the single, Groat. Very well done indeed! For Berandor, whilst there was no standout, there was a really well developed cohesion between the story and images that I think deserves credit. To me even the weakest picture – that of the man on the toilet – was well used, punctuating the story in a weird but provocative way.
And so we come once again to two different stories that seem equal in different ways. I’m going to go with my gut on this one and give it to Berandor for the slightly more enjoyable tale. I better finish now before I change my mind... again.
MALDUR’S JUDGMENT
Berandor:freaky reli-matrix-buggy story, I was almost expecting the roach to say: "Mr Anderson". Great storytelling.
Piratecat: YUCK, that was digustingly disturbing.
Judgement: berandor, you get my vote, allthough Piratecat spun a great tale, Yours was amazing. Congratz.
FINAL JUDGMENT
And so Berandor wins 2-1 in the final by what would seem the finest of margins. Ouch was this one close! Congratulations to both our competitors for not only stellar efforts in the final but throughout the competition as well.
Good stuff and thank you very much to everyone who participated this time around. The quality of competition was excellent. This competition seems to keep going from strength to strength – I really look forward to seeing it next time. And to my fellow judges Arwink and Maldur, thanks for the excellent judgments and feedback; I know how much the competitors appreciated it and how much I enjoyed reading it too. Well done and until next time,
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Berandor vs. Piratecat
ARWINK’S JUDGMENT
Berandor – Kingslayer, a Story in 6 ½ Chapters
On the surface, Berandor has provided us with a really solid story that showcases some very nice language, picture use and structure. While there were certainly parts that didn’t work for me (Matrix references without recontextualisation – aiieeee!), the overall effect is solid, but slippery.
Reading this story, for me, felt a little like running around after a greased pig – I had just enough detail to pick up what the story was doing, but it somehow stopped short of giving me the details I really needed to get a good grip on it and really understand. If you sat me down and asked me about what happened, where it happened, and why the characters did what they did I think most of my answers would come back with question marks: the overthrow of a virus/king? Some kind of virtual world? Religious idealism? I’m only about 80% sure of these answers, and I kept wanting more.
I think the reason that the story works as well as it does is because Berandor has a solid idea of what those answers are and the depths that exist behind the story he’s shown us, I just wish that a little more of that knowledge had filtered its way through to me as a reader.
Piratecat – Brood
I think this has been the most solid story of the competition in terms of tight plotting and character growth; it hits all the key elements of the three-act narrative at regular intervals, gives me all the information I need to really understand what’s going on. It feels, to me, like a very tightly-plotted Buffy-esque kind of TV episode, which is both the stories strength and weakness. It’s a strength because this kind of cohesiveness and polish is enviable when done in a three-day period.
It’s a weakness because, well, there just wasn’t much by way of surprise, not even in terms of the picture use. There was nothing that leapt out as bad or wrong, but the inevitability just kind of stole some of the joy from it for me.
For the me the ending was also something of a false note; The sentiment is probably right, but the execution needs work. Shelly needs to take control of her life after the disarray and misery she’s been living with at the start of the story, and she does in the lead-up to the climax, but the tone of her final speech to the roaches seems a bit regressive.
Judgment
Another tough round to judge: Berandor seems to be stretching further in his story, but Piratecat’s is definitely the more complete and coherent work. Neither has really blown me away with their picture use – I think this round would have been a steal if either contestant had done something other than “dead guy on a toilet” with one particular image.
Can I call it a draw? No? Damn. Piratecat then, though both contestants deserve kudos for their work in this round and the competition in general.
THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE
I thought these pictures would make our two competitors think while at the same time giving them some strong cues to feed off of. With six images to draw together, both would have to be at the top of their game – and I think they were.
Berandor has gone Matrixesque with an intriguing story of fanaticism and revenge. While initially confusing, I think there was enough going on here that it held my attention and kept me reading with a passion. And in fact, I think this is what I liked most about it. Berandor has a fine capacity to write things that just simply read well. The blend of structure and style was really well done.
Piratecat also has that amazing talent to write things that you want to read. The interplay between Shelly and Groat was very well handled but their interaction with the cockroaches I’m not as sure of. Whilst Groat, was happily explaining the “weirdness” of the roaches, Shelly seemed to accept a little too meekly what was going on. I thought she would have sought a second opinion or something. Despite this, the story for me was enjoyable and tightly controlled. The many “bug” references were well done too. About the only other thing that took the shine off of the experience was the ending which while suitable was not bristling with strength and revelation. On the whole though, an excellent story and effort.
And so how did our competitors deal with the images given? I think the standout was Piratecat’s imaginative double use of the crim pictures – the single, Groat. Very well done indeed! For Berandor, whilst there was no standout, there was a really well developed cohesion between the story and images that I think deserves credit. To me even the weakest picture – that of the man on the toilet – was well used, punctuating the story in a weird but provocative way.
And so we come once again to two different stories that seem equal in different ways. I’m going to go with my gut on this one and give it to Berandor for the slightly more enjoyable tale. I better finish now before I change my mind... again.
MALDUR’S JUDGMENT
Berandor:freaky reli-matrix-buggy story, I was almost expecting the roach to say: "Mr Anderson". Great storytelling.
Piratecat: YUCK, that was digustingly disturbing.
Judgement: berandor, you get my vote, allthough Piratecat spun a great tale, Yours was amazing. Congratz.
FINAL JUDGMENT
And so Berandor wins 2-1 in the final by what would seem the finest of margins. Ouch was this one close! Congratulations to both our competitors for not only stellar efforts in the final but throughout the competition as well.
Good stuff and thank you very much to everyone who participated this time around. The quality of competition was excellent. This competition seems to keep going from strength to strength – I really look forward to seeing it next time. And to my fellow judges Arwink and Maldur, thanks for the excellent judgments and feedback; I know how much the competitors appreciated it and how much I enjoyed reading it too. Well done and until next time,
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Berandor
lunatic
Oh, well.
[sblock]OMFG! I did it! Huzzah!
I guess now I can admit that the King of my story was, of course, Piratecat, whom I figuratively killed. Naw, just kidding
Before my ego explodes, let me thank the judges and the competitors for their hard work, and especially DIsharrock for introducing the use of quote blocks which I really, really liked, enough to make a story with them.
Thanks again. It's been nice beating you all[/sblock]
[sblock]OMFG! I did it! Huzzah!
I guess now I can admit that the King of my story was, of course, Piratecat, whom I figuratively killed. Naw, just kidding
Before my ego explodes, let me thank the judges and the competitors for their hard work, and especially DIsharrock for introducing the use of quote blocks which I really, really liked, enough to make a story with them.
Thanks again. It's been nice beating you all
[/sblock]
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Congratulations, Berandor!
I think my story was a solid B+. I was working on good dialogue and an interesting female protagonist, and I think I got that, but otherwise this particular story didn't really stretch my boundaries as much as I would have liked. My biggest problem was the ending, a traditional weakness of mine; in this case I didn't have a concrete and cinematic finish in mind when I started writing, and that came back to bite me.
I'm really pleased by how this CDM went for everyone involved. Thanks, everyone!
I think my story was a solid B+. I was working on good dialogue and an interesting female protagonist, and I think I got that, but otherwise this particular story didn't really stretch my boundaries as much as I would have liked. My biggest problem was the ending, a traditional weakness of mine; in this case I didn't have a concrete and cinematic finish in mind when I started writing, and that came back to bite me.
I'm really pleased by how this CDM went for everyone involved. Thanks, everyone!
Gulla
Adventurer
Congratulations to Berandor for the victory and all the others for hard work and good writing.
I should have commented a lot more but it seems work and Real Life have a conspiracy drowning me in work and activities every time CDM/SSS comes around.
Hopefully you can do this outside the "close before hollidays" next time so I can have time to read and comment on the stories.
Håkon
CDM fanboy
I should have commented a lot more but it seems work and Real Life have a conspiracy drowning me in work and activities every time CDM/SSS comes around.
Hopefully you can do this outside the "close before hollidays" next time so I can have time to read and comment on the stories.
Håkon
CDM fanboy
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
Yes, thank you to the judges (I know how much work goes into judging these things, especially in the beginning rounds!) and all of the competitors for some fine writing. And congrats, Berandor. I'll be back.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Well played, Berandor.
I've been remiss; I've not read the last round yet. But I'll download 'em now and read them when I can.
I archived all the Ceramic DM threads I could find, just in case.
I've been remiss; I've not read the last round yet. But I'll download 'em now and read them when I can.
I archived all the Ceramic DM threads I could find, just in case.
Graywolf-ELM
Explorer
Gaaah I missed it all, and with the new Enworld, the links to the thread, and all the stories, are broken.
Sounds like one I would have loved reading along with.
GW
Sounds like one I would have loved reading along with.
GW
