A dilema

[TheEvil]

I would do exactly what Mark Chance suggested.

I'm curious what you are suggesting when you say "talk to the wife and other guy." Are you saying you would attempt to become some sort of relationship counselor or confessor in this case? Just to make sure I understand your approach.

I would try to get them to clean up their own mess. Mostly my approach starts things by allowing them to do the talking rather them me making accusations. My experience tells me that things are usually more complicated then just one partner cheating on innocent spouse.

In any case, given Griffinsec's situation, I would fully expect both the guy and the wife to react in a manner that would result in me kicking them both out of the game. As I mentioned above, I would recommend to the wife that she come clean to her husband before he asked me why I kicked them out, and I might send that annonymous note. I would just give them the benifit of the doubt.

 

[Odhanan]

So, any ideas as to a plan of action. Should I just give up and drop the two and tell her husband? Is it enough to just as them to cut it out?

Talk with them to know what's going on.

If what they're doing is cheating, then decide whether to just drop them out or tell the husband.

 

[Mark Chance]

I would try to get them to clean up their own mess. Mostly my approach starts things by allowing them to do the talking rather them me making accusations. My experience tells me that things are usually more complicated then just one partner cheating on innocent spouse.

Fair enough. My experience, OTOH, is that saying that something is "more complicated" is most often just a way of rationalizing one's own immoral behavior as being someone else's fault.

 

[TheEvil]

Fair enough. My experience, OTOH, is that saying that something is "more complicated" is most often just a way of rationalizing one's own immoral behavior as being someone else's fault.

THAT is certainly true often enough. For the record, even if she is fooling around with this guy because her husband is a abusive, cheating jerk, that doesn't make it a good thing, nor something you should tolerate under your roof.

 

[Mark Chance]

THAT is certainly true often enough.

And it is quite possibly true more for me than for other people.

For the record, even if she is fooling around with this guy because her husband is a abusive, cheating jerk, that doesn't make it a good thing, nor something you should tolerate under your roof.

*thumbs up!*

 

[danzig138]

There is no question what the Right Thing To Do is in this case.

You know, I can't help but think that with the number of varying responses, theat there is indeed a question of what the Right Thing To Do is.

 

[danzig138]

Either she and hers have an open marriage and it's cool, or they don't.

It's also entirely possible that they have an open marraige, but this still isn't cool, because it might break a rule of the openess.

One of my players kicked his wife out and then divorced her a couple of years ago. There are two reasons this happened.
1. She started doing crank (again) behind his back.
2. She broke the rules of their open marraige. They could bump uglies with whomever they wanted, as long as they told the other before hand. However, she started having relations with another guy, but never informed my pal that she was banging this guy.

So its always possible that this woman is violating an open marraige rule. Or she could just be a skeeze.

I'm not going to give advice on dealing with the telling to the husband because I'm not entirely clear just how close the OP is with those involved. However, "Hey, quit the tonsil hockey during my game and my time" is a perfectly justified start.

 

[StupidSmurf]

OK, time to jump on the pig pile! Yay!!!! Here's my take:

1. The British SAS have a rule. If, during an incident, an innocent bystander picks up a gun, he's no longer innocent. When these two lovebirds decided to swap spit in YOUR house, they dragged you into it, like it or not. They managed to make it your business by doing this at your place and at your event. You've been made an accomplice.

2. As an addendum to #1, it could be argued that these two people are USING you and your place in order to facilitate their sneaky little arrangement. That's just hideous, rude, and selfish, outside the moral quandries.

3. I would be irritated, possibly even angry, at the person who told me my wife was cheating on me. But it would pass very quickly, and eventually evolve into gratitude, since there are at least two other people I'd be far angrier with. I would also be angrier with the person if they knew and DIDN'T tell me. Since you're not close to the guy, it's a tough call. But I wouldn't LIE for those two losers if he asked me point-blank.

4. From a gamer's standpoint, it's bogus if people are coming over your house just to do something else other than game. If some gamer was forbidden to watch tv at home, and he came over to your place and kept the tv on, and watching it, during the game, that would be lousy behavior.

5. I don't know about this Guy Code....me, I follow the Man Code. That code says that you go home with the one you brought to the dance, be loyal to your S.O. and to your friends even if it inconveniences you, and refuse help other people hose their S.O.

 

[radferth]

I have 2 new requests to all folks I shall ever game with:

1) Do not make out, etc. during a gaming session. This applies to everyone: spouses, SOs, one night stands, adulterous lovers, anyone.

2) If you suspect or know my wife is cheating on me, do not tell me. There are many reasons, but it boils down to that our relationship is between us, and it would not be helpful to hear about something like that from a third party.

 

[fafhrd]

2) If you suspect or know my wife is cheating on me, do not tell me. There are many reasons, but it boils down to that our relationship is between us, and it would not be helpful to hear about something like that from a third party.

Conan would tell you.