A Kingdom of Ashes (Zombies! Pirates! Giant Lizards! Intrigue!) UPDATED 07/01/05!!

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

oh, and the character KB seems entirely too egotistical to be a good hero -- he seems really full of himself -- and this is a character I wouldn't want to hang out with in real life, and I certainly don't want to read about him...

That may be because he is not a good hero. He is a character that appears a single time in the first post - and never beyond that... he's not a PC at all.

Seems to me that he was supposed to come across as egotistical. He was a supporting character in the story - a tool to create a situation the opening sequence. Not every extra in a film or story is likeable, afterall.

It seems, Donnaf, that you have not ready beyond the first page or two of the story. If you had, I think you would know that Korin Bahn is not a recurring character.

So, horay for you, you don't have to read about him.

 

[Donnaf]

stuff

Donnaf,

I use the multiple perspective model because I don't really like writing in the third person omniscient, but there's generally enough happening at any given time that a single perspective is not sufficient to communicate everything that I'd like to. So, I use the "camera shift" model to try to fill you in on what's happening without resorting to a book-report kind of style.

As to the lack of exposition...sorry. Information dump almost guarantees that the details will be lost in the shuffle...and as the players can tell you - this story is all about the details.

Above all, welcome to the story hour, and welcome to Enworld - it's a great community, and we're glad to have you in it!

Thanks for your warm welcome. I also really appreciate that you are able to take criticism so constructively and not get all defensive. I don't want to seem rude -- I guess I am just a blunt girl. I think I will stay reading your story for now -- ENworld seems overwhelming -- so many stories to read... and yours was the first I clicked on (lucky you!)

As for your "camara shift model" -- I really do think that is an excellent way to write -- third person perspective is a great tool for many writers. However, the characters are not the only main focus of many third person perspective stories. Characters must interact with their environment so as for "information dumping" -- I guess I don't agree that telling an exposition is really "information dumping" -- it is just exploring the surroundings of the world as well as exploring the characters and their reaction to the world... I guess I am a girl who likes details, not just thought and action...

What I am trying to say is that a good writer must evaluate their audience... are you writing this story just as a summary of what occurred in your RPG? Then, it is all good if you want to ignore the surroundings, because the people reading it will already know.
Or are you writing this story with the intent of some day possibly publishing it for the entire world (or your select audience) to read? You, in your head, already know what the surroundings look like, but you need to take a step back when you are writing to view what people who don't have a clue will want to know, and will want to read.
When writing, you must evaluate what your audience wants -- this is why I posted at the end of my prior post that Korin Bahn seems like an egotistical character -- and it is not enjoyable to read about heros with big egos.

 

[Donnaf]

That may be because he is not a good hero. He is a character that appears a single time in the first post - and never beyond that... he's not a PC at all.

Seems to me that he was supposed to come across as egotistical. He was a supporting character in the story - a tool to create a situation the opening sequence. Not every extra in a film or story is likeable, afterall.

It seems, Donnaf, that you have not ready beyond the first page or two of the story. If you had, I think you would know that Korin Bahn is not a recurring character.

So, horay for you, you don't have to read about him.

I am happy I don't have to read about an egotisitcal character. I must have been mixing up characters... I don't know them as well as you, because I don't roll play in your group, and the characters in the story are not too different. Sorry I offended you -- it's just criticism.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

I am happy I don't have to read about an egotisitcal character. I must have been mixing up characters... I don't know them as well as you, because I don't roll play in your group, and the characters in the story are not too different. Sorry I offended you -- it's just criticism.

Not offended, just confused as to where you were coming from with your criticism. Attempting to understand what the reasoning behind your criticism *was* so that, in this case, it could be debunked.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Not offended, just confused as to where you were coming from with your criticism. Attempting to understand what the reasoning behind your criticism *was* so that, in this case, it could be debunked.

I understand that creative criticism is something that can be constructive. However, the way that you have done it is not only a bit off-putting (and a wee offensive) to the author, but the players, as well. We put a lot of work into developing characters that are realistic... and sometimes, that translates to not-so appealing. However, there are people like that throughout the real world and fiction.

I'm sorry for coming across as a bit bitchy - however, responding a tone that I felt matched your own.

I am quite glad that you plan to continue reading. I hope that you enjoy reading the story as much as the players and the DM have enjoyed crafting it.

 

[Xath]

I think the best way to settle this would be to update the story hour.

 

[Xath]

Oh by the way, if you want to know more about Aeres, check out the link to KoA the Website in my signature. But be warned, there will be spoilers.

 

[Donnaf]

goobyebye

Oh by the way, if you want to know more about Aeres, check out the link to KoA the Website in my signature. But be warned, there will be spoilers.

I guess I am beginning to think that this story is only written for its rpg players, so goodbye, good luck, happy writing (by the way, if you only write for your rpg players, they will always know the ending...)

 

[The_Universe]

Hey hey Donnaf - I think you misunderstand my purpose. The world is unfolded bit by bit, just as it was for the players as they played it. But, to each his (her?) own. Happy searching for the world that catches your fancy.

An update grows, however slowly for those who wish to know more of the tale.

 

[The_Universe]

The update, like Trogdor, comes in the niiiiiiiiiight!