Thimble the Squit
First Post
Thanks for the crits
Thanks very much guys! If I'd been a judge, I'd have given the round to NoOne as well, his story is very good indeed (*nods to NoOne: good stuff, mate*) -- but your responses were nice to read anyway, however the voting went; I've had stuff judged before and I never got the impression it'd actually been really read through and analysed. Mirthcard gives his opinion and backs it up. Thanks for that. I'm glad you liked it -- and, I'm really sorry, but there wasn't an ending; that was all there was to it. My paltry brain didn't bother to see the story further than the punchline. Glad you liked the style though.
For the next contest, if you'll have me, I promise I'll try something serious...
Originally posted by alsih2o and mirthcard:
alsih2o
This is an unusual treatment for ceramic d.m., all the pictures are used decently well, if not with the most imaginative sense. i definetely laughed at this more than most
mirthcard
Succinct and to the point. alsih2o says you're the anti-me for turning in your entry so quickly, I say that you might be the anti-arwink as well ... not that length matters. Enough with the jokes, on to the criticism. I am impressed by a number of things in your story, but most of all by your strength of voice. Your nameless protagonist never falters or sways from the voice that you give him in your opening sentence and that was enough to keep me hooked throughout. I feel as if I know him as soon as he speaks - his cocksure nature, his self-deprecating humor, his nonchalant heroism - all are revealed with the precision of a razor in the hands of a surgeon. It doesn't stop there. Your use of the ingredients is top notch as well, all are integral to the plot of the
piece, all have purpose and meaning, nothing seems forced. However (you knew that was coming, didn't you?), the short length of your entry helps to keep the use of the ingredients balanced, because you don't really expound on any of them. You give the reader just enough to tantalize. That's where this entry
starts to fall apart. There simply isn't an ending. There's no closure. I like a good pun as much as the next guy, but come on. That line seems more like a cop-out. You had PLENTY of time to beef this thing up, so you can't blame it on the deadline (like I often do). And now we've gotten to the meat of the problem,
see? I want to know more! How does it end? Tell me! What does he do? Is the quandry you've put the judge in a good or a bad thing? Only time will tell ... or you could just skip to the end and find out. Unlike you, I have to give an ending - good or bad, whatever it bee.
Thanks very much guys! If I'd been a judge, I'd have given the round to NoOne as well, his story is very good indeed (*nods to NoOne: good stuff, mate*) -- but your responses were nice to read anyway, however the voting went; I've had stuff judged before and I never got the impression it'd actually been really read through and analysed. Mirthcard gives his opinion and backs it up. Thanks for that. I'm glad you liked it -- and, I'm really sorry, but there wasn't an ending; that was all there was to it. My paltry brain didn't bother to see the story further than the punchline. Glad you liked the style though.
For the next contest, if you'll have me, I promise I'll try something serious...