Funniest Thing you have heard at the gaming table

[drakhe]

I have three great moments that spring to mind while running the Sunless Citadel:

- somewhere on the lower level, there's a hall with several rooms, one of which is occupied by some liquor brewing goblins. the gang tried to sneak up on them to knock them out, but they started botching their rolls heavily, ending up with most of the party dead drunk in the big tub of goblin liqour

- when they meet Meepo "the dragon guardian" I really got stuck
in the role. After 10 minutes of crying and yelling at the party and kicking the paladin's full plate to find out what was in it, we all sat laughing arround the table for several minutes. The next session, Meepo exited in a puddle: when the party found the room where the little white dragon was hinding, Meepo rushed in and got the dragons full icy breath, changing Meepo into an ice-popsicle. Ice does as Ice does, so he melted in a puddle. Then the other Kobold prisoners we released appear and decide to take Meepo home, in a spunge...

- finaly, the wakiest moment: When the party finds Azangund (the glass-metal whistle that can raise a skeleton) they experiment and succeed in raising a ... goblin skeleton. They start testing the range of commands they can give the goboskeleton when suddenly the Bard orders the skelton they started calling skrity to french-kiss the rogue..... bweik

(btw: what do you get when you put a goblin on fire ? a goblintof coctail (their liquor doesn't taste good, but you shure get drunk fropm it and it burns like hell)

 

[Desdichado]

This wasn't my game, but I heard about it from someone and thought it was hilarious. There was this mage PC that had a rod of fireballs. Some folks were coming to meet this party in a room they had at an inn. The mage didn't really want to meet them, and didn't trust them, but he was over-rided by the rest of the party who thought they might have some good information on whatever it is they were trying to accomplish.

So the mage, in an effort to be intimidating as they walk into the room at the inn decides he's going to casually brandish his rod of fireballs and glare at the NPCs throughout the entire interview. His description of himself as they came into the room sent the whole table into hysterics. "When they come in, I'm sitting on the bed by myself polishing my rod."

 

[Sejs]

"From the outside, it looks like an inn."
~
DM: "OKay, you round the corner, and entering the alleyway, you see two men standing on eachother's shoulders."

*silence at the table*

Player: "F#$% it, we're fighting Cirque de Soleil! Run for your life!"
~
DM-as-mayor: "We'll pay you 50 crowns a head for evidence that the members of this bandit gang has been killed."

Player: "Can you give us a description of what these men look like, mayor?"

DM-as-mayor: "I'm sorry, no. Noone still alive got a good look at them."

Player: "So let me get this right.. you're going to pay us 50 crowns per, for the heads of men you won't recognise. You know what.. we'll be right back."
~
"So why are we looking for their son in the Sunless Citadel?"
~



there's more. we tend to write these down if they're good. I'll see if I can find the rest.

 

[King_Stannis]

ME (DM) - "Okay, what did you roll on your save?"

PLAYER - "About a 14"

OTHER PLAYERS - *laughter* and many, many jokes afterward about dice rolls only being approximations.

I think the player just got tonguetied, but he still has to bear the occasional joke about it to this day. God bless him!

 

[Wiley]

I'm always cracking out jokes, witticisms and everything at the table if the game isn't serious. I think the funniest thing was the look on my DM's face when my 2E Elven Fighter/Mage/Cleric scaled the wall using Spider-Climb, did a flying elbow drop off the ceiling and rolled a natural 20.

And then a few rounds later when I shattered a monster's kneecap and bashed his head in with my mace.


The next gaming session, a certain player who strangefully casted fireball at first level hit a strange looking figure at the end of a corridor, it turned out just to be a homeless man and the fire catched a natural gas leak...

 

[der_kluge]

One of the funniest things recently happened in our last campaign.

The sorcerer had gotten a staff of snakes, and decided that he didn't want it - didn't fit his character.

But later on, he thought that he had it, and told the DM that he was going to toss his staff at the enemy, to which the DM responded that he didn't have the staff anymore, and that he probably needed to consider another action instead.

Another player, mimicing the sorcerer, stands up and makes a motion as if he's hurling a staff and says "feel my wrath! .... clank clank clank"

 

[Richards]

"Triela, you take 8 points of falling goat damage."

Johnathan

 

[Balfin]

Our group was sitting in a fine Elven inn trying to decide our next course of action. I don't remember who is in the group, but there were 6 of us. Anyway, the DM says we see a man looking in the window in our general direction. One of the players stands up and yells "Get 'em!" (think the beginning of Ghost Busters) and runs out the door at the man, with one other player following him. The start beating on this guy until the guard shows up, while the other four of us watch. In the end there were only us four still alive.

 

[Balgus]

My group was hunting T Rex. they tied a cow to a tree in the forest tolure it out. The mage then cast invisbility on everyone as they hid behind the trees (not that it mattered, T Rex has scent).

player: I don't think it can see the cow. (runs out and kicks it
cow: MOOOOO!!!!!
DM: Ok- so you kicked the cow. The T Rex stares at you and your shiny breastplate.

 

[Grundle]

In our last game, the player of the half-orc barbarian, hits, rolls her 10-sider for damage, and says in an exasperated tone, "This stupid die! I rolled a zero again!!!" Who knows how long she'd been rolling "zeros" before she spoke up!

In a game I DMed about a year ago, the players were introducing their characters when the player of the paladin said quite proudly, "I'm a paladin. I've got lay on hands, and I can do it to myself when ever I want do!"

In a game I played in a while ago, one of the players' was new to the game and was that nervous sort of player that always suspects the DM is out to screw them. The party had checked into an inn and were passing the eveing at the bar when this player decides it time to retire for the evening. "I go upstairs to my room, close the door, shutter the windows, place the chamber pot in front of the door so I'll be warned if the door is opened. Then I take off my armor, get out my oil and begin polishing it."

We were battling the evil arch-mage with a wand of polymorph other. The rogue character who was sneak attacking the evil wizard at the time, failed her save and was polymorphed into a newt. On her turn the rogue's player says, "I'm a newt?! OK. I climb up his robes and begin gnawling on his wand. Let's see if he can make his concentration check now!"