Game Bloopers and Quotes

[Evilhalfling]

all right so the party is left a old map as a bequest from a dead realtive. They fight bats, bears, beetles, when they run into the salt water barrecuda - living in a salty stagnent pool they PC/s seemed to get a little upset with me knowing that somewhere shortly the 4th lvl party would hit the beholder

In the same adventure the newbie mage manages to catch the party with both stinking cloud and web. The (mostly evil) group swore that the mage would not live past the day that he learned fireball.

 

[Evilhalfling]

The party mage scrapes togeather all his money, borrows from other PC's and agrees to do a favor to be named later for the merchant, so that he can afford a headband of intellect +4
after putting on "I have made a tactical error." as he remebers that he is financeing a wedding into an impoversihed noble house.

 

[Jack82368]

In a Star Wars game:

The party meets at a cantina a seedy as Mos Eisley's, which they've never been in before. After waiting awhile for a missing member they begin to discuss where he might be. The PC in question being a scoundrel, the group decides they might want to surreptitiously see if he's been taken to the local Imperial Garrison.
The Zabrak mercenary then goes over to the barkeep and in a voice loud enough to be heard over the ambient noise says... "Where's the nearest stormtrooper garrison?"

 

[reveal]

I have one, but I giggle too much every time I think about it...

...Remember, kids, when pronouncing the name of a gang leader named "Big Gizz," that the "G" is NOT soft...

Apparently, neither is "Big Gizz."

 

[demiurge1138]

The following exchange from my game last night, in a bar.

NPC: Weren't you the man who was just running through the streets with no pants on?
PC: Yes. And now I need to get drunk.
NPC: So, you're telling me you were sober?
PC: Unfortunately.

The PC had been eaten, along with his clothes, by a pack of giant beetles and was rezzed sans clothing.

Demiurge out.

 

[The Weregamer]

In our group, we always pick someone whose job it is to keep track of humorous quotes. Here are some samples from our last campaign:

Paladin: (after opening a package containing the bloody vest of the murdered Dwarf High Thane) Are we going to survive this day?
Psion: I don’t know. Quite possibly not.

Paladin (OOC): I don't see how that's so bad. I could come back a little ... well, dead.

Rogue: May the gods save me from religion!

Paladin: (after seeing fighter Feather Fall to the ground) How did you do that?
Fighter: What, fall?

Druid to Rogue (who is trying to act like nobility): So, how does the ceiling smell?

Sorceror(OOC): What if we threw a war and nobody came?!

Sorceror (OOC): I have twenty points of Charisma, and they’re in my pants!

Dwarf Wizard(OOC): Money doesn’t put undead on the table. Death puts undead on the table!

Dwarf Wizard(OOC): That’s your problem – you had the skeletons set on evil!

Fighter and Dwarf Wizard (OOC, to the tune of “Like a Virgin”): Like an undead! Risen for the very first time!
Druid (OOC): No, rerisen for the very second time!

Fighter ( OOC, about to attack a Troll): Can I Sunder his claws?

Fighter (OOC): I want to know if the door’s strong enough for me to break it down – just for future reference.

Sorceror to Dwarf Wizard: Perhaps you should find somewhere other than your bedroom for the Altar of the Gods, Korvar.

Paladin: One might as well ask why you are trying to destroy the nation of Everfast.
Sorceror: Um. Because it’s run by worshippers of Bane who seek unending warfare on all of mankind?

DM to Pirate: You take eighteen points of damage from being launched from a ballista.

DM: … and the Staff of Valunt drops the Staff …

Dwarf Wizard (OOC, trying to come up with verbal spell component): I’m just thinking of a magic word.
Fighter (OOC): Please?

Sorceror to Pirate and Paladin (who are shedding blood to open a Gate to Hell): Emery, Raief, stop what you’re doing.
Pirate: So my blood will be in vain, then?

DM (describing underworld demi-plane): Half the time, you’re being burned, tortured … the other half, you’re not.

DM (still describing underworld demi-plane): You do not die, though that is your first instinct.

DM to Sorceror: There is an emissary from the Tower of Divination there to see you.
Sorceror (OOC): Good, he’ll know I’m busy.

Pirate: I have two guesses – either it’s one of my brothers, or it’s Terrin … or I’m wrong. That’s my third guess.

Druid (OOC, looking at Dwarf whose arm was chopped off): Okay, I reincarnate his arm.

Dwarf Wizard to King (shortly after losing an arm): Do I have your permission to raid the armoury for a weapon to fit my current state of arms?

Fighter (requesting a ship for the party): Sans crew … not that I know French.

DM to Rogue: Is that a coup de grace?
Rogue (OOC): Well, since I don’t want him to wake up … yes.

DM to Fighter: He starts to attack.
Fighter (OOC): I start to kill him.

DM: … as your third return swing takes a chunk of him out of him.

 

[MrFilthyIke]

...Remember, kids, when pronouncing the name of a gang leader named "Big Gizz," that the "G" is NOT soft...

 

[Arima]

in my first campaign ever my friends and I really tried to get into character, the druid PC especially. When we were in a sewer the DM announced that there was a branch in the tunnel. The druid asked "what kind, what kind of tree is it from?"

 

[Calim]

my group used to keep track of the funny quotes we had in game and actually had an award type thing at the end of the year

following are some of the best


Khuuld(Barbarian) one-hit kills a pirate
Frederic(Cleric of Justice): I said DON'T kill them;
Khuuld: melodramatically and without hesitation Whoops!;

Frederic: Does Equitas(God of Justice) ever talk to you?;
Apherrod(Frederick's Mentor): Signs and portents why?;
Frederic: He called me stupid.;

Ishkael the Mul is now 9' tall;
Maton(Human form): I thought I was big…Geez, now I feel small;
Lena(Quickling): @#%$, you feel small?";

After being eaten and cut out of a nightcrawlers body;
Schmuck(Troll fighter): to Bocata(Lizard Paladin) Don't go in there;

 

[Charis]

In our group, we always pick someone whose job it is to keep track of humorous quotes. Here are some samples from our last campaign:

You forgot one!

Psion: It's my last secret, I swear.
(one month later)
Psion: Guys, it's my last secret, I swear.
(one month later)
Psion: No, really, this is the last secret. I swear.

I don't even remember how many times that happened, but the last secret wasn't his fault, he claims.