Game Bloopers and Quotes

[Talmun]

I've mentioned this in another forum, but it fits here too.

Our group started a CoC d20 game, and I wasn't DM'ing (for a change). I made a psychiatrist named Victor Crepin and gave him a really involved and sordid history, gave the DM at least three major plot hooks for him and just poured a tremendous amount of effort into making a great character.

He died in the first session.
He never met up with the rest of the party.
The other players never even knew his name.

 

[dragoonm]

In a game I was DMing, I ask the party what they were going to do?
After much discussion they decided to head due south
GM: How far are you going?
PC1: Until we reach due south then turn left.
(Needless to say the rest of the party lost it.)

In another game one of the party while walking down a corridor came upon a deep pit blocking the way.
DM: What are you going to do?
PC: I am going to turn around and walk backwards.
DM: Ok, you take 27 points of damage from the fall and the spikes at the bottom.
PC: How did I fall in?
DM: Repeat what you said.
PC: Turn around and walk backward, oh s**t I meant turn around and walk back.

In yet another game (AD&D)the party was in a dungeon maze. The wizard had a magic hat (a rip off of the wizard's hat from the D&D cartoon). I used the wand of wonder for the effect. The party encountered a group of orcs. The fighter and ranger were up front, the rogue and cleric in the middle and the two magic users in the rear. The magic user with the hat reached in and felt something like a marble.
GM: What are you going to do with it?
MU1: Throw it at the second rank of orcs.
GM: Are you sure?
MU1: Yes
GM: Ok. (It happend to be a fireball. Most of orcs died and the party was badly burned.)
Rogue: Next time the GM ask you if you are sure, throw it far away.

Same game same group. The party was at a "T" intersection. On the left short arm of the "T" was a door. The rogue was at the door checking it out for traps and sounds. The fighter and ranger were looking down the long part the the "T" and the two magic users were on the right short arm of the "T".
Down the long corridor came another group of orcs. The fighter and ranger are holding off the orcs. Then the second magic user decides to try out a wand she had just aquired. Using the command word engraved on the side of the wand, she points it at the orcs from what is now the second rank. The wand of fear caught all the orcs in the cone as well as the fighter. All of them go screaming back down the corridor. The fighter just happened to be the map keeper as well as the party light source (shield had continual light).
Now the rest of the party is in the dark (0nly one had infravision) and lost. Fortunately the fighter did not make it through the door at the end of the winding corridor and the party was able to make its way back together.

 

[Piratecat]

Here's a hint I learned the hard way: when describing someone getting flanked by a monk, do NOT use the phrase "His fists pound painfully into you from behind." Trust me on this.

That's not making the story hour, I can tell you that. Sheesh.

 

[Zappo]

"I can take it"
"I'm OK"
"Don't worry, I have a +12 reflex save"

In my experience, after saying any of these, death is usually instantaneous.
OTOH...

"I'm going to die"
"I can't take any more hits"
"Eeek, I only have a +4"

A player who says any of these is pretty much guaranteed to survive.

I swear, all my characters got killed after I said "don't worry, I'm going to cast invisibility next round" or something like that, and every single time that I've said "I'm toast, run away while you can!" I've survived and often actually killed the monster. I've seen this a lot in other people as well. DM fudging is never involved, of course.

Unfortunately, it only works if you have a sincere belief in what you're saying. I think there's more to the Planescape belief-is-power thing than you would say.

 

[Salad Shooter]

A few things...

PC 1: You're a woman of the cloth!
PC 2: I rolled a one!

_______________________

DM: I don't have enough counters to represent the kobolds you're about to fight
_____________________________

In a werewolf game, I botched looking around
__________________________

A multitude of other things, but thats all that comes to mind at the moment...

 

[Look_a_Unicorn]

We once entered a maze (standing stone module, for those who know it) But there was no roof.

Umm you might want to encourage your DM to spend a bit more time familiarising himself with the modules he runs.
The maze in Standing Stone is inside a Barrow- a huge mound of earth & stone. Thus underground.

Thanks for teh funny guys, it rocks!

 

[jerichothebard]

Here's a hint I learned the hard way: when describing someone getting flanked by a monk, do NOT use the phrase "His fists pound painfully into you from behind." Trust me on this.

That's not making the story hour, I can tell you that. Sheesh.

Awwww... now I really want to know the details!

 

[demiurge1138]

Another good one from last week's game.

The party's looking for shelter in the forest so they can rest after a vicious battle with some mad slashers. The ranger finds a game trail leading to a small, warm, dry cave. The party's a little nervous, especially once they find old matted hair in the cave, but they set watch shifts and go to sleep.

The rogue is on shift when the cave's actual inhabitant, a badger waddles down the road. After the requisite Badger, Badger, Badger jokes from the party, it licks his boot, covered in the blood of both a mad slasher and the rogue himself. The rogue reaches down to pet the badger, and it hisses at him. Angered, he kicks at the badger and hits. I tell him, "OK, damage for an unarmed strike is 1d3 subdual plus your Strength". To which he replies, "I'm not going for damage, I'm going for distance!"

Demiurge out.

 

[Ranger5]

Some very funny stuff so far. Here's mine.

I was DMing a 2nd edition game set in Krynn. There were 3 players: a human ranger, a human Knight, and an elven wizard. After a few game sessions, all the PCs had horses and were attempting to track down an ancient artifact. They had just met an NPC with some info in Solace and had decided to make their way to Qaulinost. So getting their gear and mounts together, I say, "OK you all jump on your swords, and-" I was interrupted by gales of laughter. Finally, the player of the wizard said, "Well since I don't have a sword can it be my dagger instead, since if it was my staff you all might think I am a little...you know <wink wink>."

I have never lived that one down. Even to this day almost 10 years later. Sheesh.

 

[borc killer]

The player's defense for his bad decision-making later on? "You're the DM; you're not supposed to lie to me!"

LOL that is priceless!

Borc Killer