Help me build the worst characters ever conceived for a drunken one-shot adventure

[Dannyalcatraz]

Mute Human Sorcerer; feats: Infernal Sorc Heritage, Infernal Sorc Shout.

Wears heaviest armor he can afford, uses a Morningstar & crossbow. OR spear.

 

[Living Legend]

The ranger who absolutely hates waste, and so he must retrieve each and every arrow he fires... immediately after he fires it.

 

[jedavis]

The Delusional Wannabe Wizard's Familiar - if you have the wannabe wizard in your game, at least give him a familiar... and make that familiar a PC, who is smarter than his master (and knows it), but can't communicate well with the rest of the party (because he's a cat).

 

[Rune]

The Vancian Amnesiac, who was probably pretty powerful, once.

Lucky, who can only use d12s when he would otherwise roll a d20.

Mr. Billbo, the hobbit made out of clay. OH NOOOO!

 

[Halivar]

Level 1 expert with max ranks in Profession (plumber). He insists on only attacking by jumping on enemies and throwing Italian meatballs at them (improvised weapon dealing 1d1-1 damage).

EDIT: Also, obsessively eats mushrooms.

 

[Celebrim]

Conon the Pacifist: He's a barbarian. He's big. He's strong. And he has a unwavering respect for the sanctity of all life and has foresworn all violence. Straw hat and carpentry skills are optional.

The Mime: He's a bard that refuses to make a sound and thinks getting attacked is a great oppurtunity for pantomine slapstick humor.

The Retro Magic-User: He's a wizard, and he's got 15 intelligence. Unfortunately, he also has 1 hit point, no armor, a dagger, can only cast one spell a day, and the only spells he knows are: Message, Read Magic, Ventrioloquism, and Write.

Lucky Lem, the Pirate: You have wooden peg where your leg was taken off by a cannon ball. You hand was eaten by a crocodile, leaving you with just a hook. You lost one eye to a boarding axe that split your face and left you missing half your teeth and horribly scarred. And you're hard of hearing from that one incident with the keg of black powder that no one wants to speak about. After all that, you have to be lucky to still be standign.

The Martyr: You have the power to inspire and motivate your friends to new heights of courage. The only problem is that they only get inspired when you die. (Note: You can actually play this character in my house rules.)

 

[blargney the second]

The Mexican Wrestler: wears a mask, grapples *everything*. Oh yeah, he's an expert with max ranks in Profession (wrestler) and Strength 8.

The Chicken Herder: he has a herd of 10 chickens that he takes with him everywhere. They're all named, and he loves them dearly. Oh yeah, he's an indigo muppet with a huge schnozz.

The Pied Piper: a bard with Weapon Focus (cream pies). 'Nuff said.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Nairda the Monk: incredibly skilled, but debilitated by phobias to darkness, small animals, large animals, enclosed spaces, odd numbers, dirt, all water that has not been Purified, disease, asymmetry...

May completely dissociate under extreme stress (see list of phobias)

Always dresses in a brown gi, sandals, and gloves.

 

[blargney the second]

The Referee: he's delusional and thinks he's the linesman for a reality show about a bloodsport arena. Constantly calling timeouts in the middle of a fight for various infractions.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

The Dork Knight: a mighty warrior but with a low Cha...tends to bore others with his discourses on the minutiae of his passtimes- home-made wines, playing spoons, goblet stacking, model trireme building, etc.