Help me cover a Tavern Bathroom Wall with Grafitti

[dougmander]

So I'm designing a tavern, and I'm working on detailing the garderobe (bathroom). So, ENWorld wits, give me some pithy scrawls to put on the walls. I'm wondering what you'd see on the walls in a vanilla fantasy tavern, the kind that "you meet in." The only rules are:

Rated PG
No WotC product identity (so referring to orcs is ok, but not illithids)

Meta-game stuff, like referring to alignment, hit points, and so on, is just fine -- this isn't meant to be serious.

I can't wait to read your responses!

 

[taliesin15]

So I'm designing a tavern, and I'm working on detailing the garderobe (bathroom). So, ENWorld wits, give me some pithy scrawls to put on the walls!

"LE!" "CG!"
"For a good time, see the queen"
"My Wizard Mentor went to Eberron, and all he got me was this lousy chain shirt!"
"Just remember: no matter how good-looking she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her nonsense!"
"Cthulhu Rules, and Hastur Drools!"
"The beer in these parts taste like Orc-Ale!"
"Wasted Fawns and Wasted Knights..."
"So one day this baby seal walks into a club..."

 

[icedrake]

For a good time, talk to Betty!

Don't talk to Betty! She's got a dental dam of devouring!!

 

[Mitchbones]

BBEG Was here! ~<insert date here>

 

[Mark CMG]

Half-Orc Sat Here
Heart Broken
Tried to -
No Wait.

 

[DaveyJones]

those who write on bathroom walls
roll their feces up in balls
those who read these tales of wit
eat those little balls of sh.....

 

[taliesin15]

there once was a lich from Falkarkin
stench was so bad he had dogs barkin
but with a potion of rue
spritzed up his flue
even faeries to his haunts do hearken

 

[reason]

...

Privy walls were the pre-internet: a method of communication with anonymity. So expect to find:

- the array of things people won't say in polite company or if their identity is known; e.g. candid thoughts about local politicians, strong-guys, etc.

- communication (open or coded) between repressed or outlawed groups: thieves, the possessed, elves passing as humans, etc

Reason
Principia Infecta

 

[Mark CMG]

Don't forget to add arrows and commentary from some people on what was already written by other people.

 

[Aeric]

See? You don't have to be 9th level to sit a throne anymore.

Smell flowers? Thank an elf.

What did the wizard get from the toliet seat? Staph of the Magi.