how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Humanophile]

DeadlyUematsu, way to come into the topic late. I think everyone here is agreeing that Billy's advice works best as a "how to get laid" primer. There are just two problems with that;

One, I think everyone (including Hida himself) accepts that right now, we're working on getting Hida to the point where he can pull these games off. But they're no good when he needs training mostly at learning the ropes.

Two, Hida has some issues that, laid or no, he needs to deal with. And while he certainly shouldn't pass up the opportunity if it presents itself, he's better off focusing on getting himself in order. Making tail into priority number one just guarentees a painful comedy of errors.


Hida, like I said above, your priority now is getting your life in order. That doesn't mean you shouldn't chat up girls; if nothing else it's a confidence booster, social skills practice, and a chance to build yourself a new social circle all in one. (And I've said it before, but it bears repeating; don't worry if you come off as the nice, shy epitome of "just a friend". It may have an atrocious success rate, but at this point in your life friends and confidence are more important than tail. Besides, your firsts will be far more pleasant memories this way than if you make it all about "winning".)

But most importantly, Buttercup's advice about getting some counseling is a Very Good Idea. You need to do a lot of development that most people did long ago. Some sort of guidance on putting the pieces together would be most helpful. Join activities if you can. And it couldn't hurt to follow up on the Aspergers thing. You're online, the worst that can happen is that you don't find the resources available that helpful.

But basically take care of yourself, find activities to get you out and dealing with people while padding your schedule, and try to just work on being more confident and outgoing socially. It'll come in time. And contrary to what some of the above posters might sound like, I'll bet that if you focus on getting your own house in order and being less uptight about how things might look to some hypothetical observer, you'll fit in at least a first kiss within the year.

 

[Obryn]

Anyway, a lot of the advice given here is outdated, won't work, and is embarrassingly half-hearted.

You think that telling him to lose weight, bathe regularly, and dress nicely is outdated and won't work? And that seeing a counselor might not be a good idea?

Because, really, that's all most of us are saying, man.

-O

 

[The Shaman]

It's going to be rough being non-creepy if you're defining everyone in terms of D&D alignments.

Yeah, that kinda jumped out at me, too.

Important Safety Tip: Do not use D&D terminology if you are not playing D&D at the time. I think this should be printed on the cover of the PHB, like the Surgeon General's warning - I should write a letter to someone about this.

Okay, I gave up reading this thread after about the fifth page. Please forgive me if I'm covering ground that's already been trod over.

Hida, I have two suggestions for you:

1. Take your holiday or birthday money and go to Las Vegas. Hire two prostitutes - not at the same time. (Gotta walk before you can crawl, or whatever.) Have sexual relations with one prostitute, then have sexual relations with another prostitute - take your time, space it out over a couple of days, or you're likely to be disappointed due to the, uh, brevity of the initial experience. Wear condoms while doing this - that can't ever be said enough. Do not - DO NOT - ask for a Cleveland steamer or the Dirty Sanchez. (You'll just have to trust me on this one.) Go home.

By so doing you will demystify the act and shatter both your illusions and your trepidations all at once. Then you can move on to a healthier, more productive view of women as something other than recepticles for your various body parts - or it will make you a misogynist with no respect for women except as sexual objects. (I didn't say this was without a downside.)

OR

2. Stop trolling for scoring advice on the Internet - it is the definition of creepy. (As is providing scoring advice over the Internet - yes, I feel quite dirty right now, and I shall discipline myself later.) Start exercising - forget appearances: it will make you FEEL GOOD! Read books and the newspaper - have something to talk about besides you and your "needs": be interesting as well as interested. Go to social gatherings - you can't meet people if you're not around people. Address serious self-esteem issues - a counselor is exactly that: someone who provides counsel.

AND HERE'S THE BIG ONE, THE SECRET TO IT ALL...

Accept rejection, and move on to the next opportunity.

Some girls will like you. Many - most - will not. It's the law of averages. Whether you're a "nice guy" or "a bit of a jerk," you will likely find someone with whom a connection is possible, but it takes time and it takes patience. Everything above is intended to help you prepare yourself for that opportunity when it arises.

Good luck.

 

[Crothian]

I still wouldn't recommend most of the advice in this thread. Not because it doesn't work in specific cases, but because it doesn't work in general.

And you know this how? I'd have to say since most of the advice is coming from many people from all sorts of backgrounds and situations, that it will work in general. Bathing, losing some weight, dressing nicely is good general advice.

 

[mythago]

Deftly illustrating the underlying strength of the jerk method:

It's human nature to pursue most aggressively what you can't have.

That's why being nice usually doesn't work-- nice guys are boring and no challenge.

Oh, the jerk method absolutely works. The problem is that it works by making you a jerk, and attracting the interest of girls who are insecure, needy and therefore attracted to jerks. (Also, the jerk method doesn't work for really nice guys, because it comes across as fakey. It works just great for jerks who thought being nice guys would get them laid, and are now complaining that women want jerks.)

Gavin DeBecker, who's written books about stalking and violence, has a different take on why the jerk method works, and Teflon Billy explained the implementation very well: if you throw out a very slight put-down, most people will try to prove the put-down wrong. "Yeah, I'd like to go down to the beach and watch the sun rise. I'd invite you, but you're probably one of those women who's afraid to go anywhere without a bunch of other girls around for company." (You can keep a relationship with an insecure person going for ages this way.)

And I'm going to reveal a chick secret here, guys. Usually when a woman says "you're just too nice" or "I think of you as a friend" as a brush-off, she usually means that you're just not all that good-looking. Or, that she's one of those adrenaline addicts who will, if the relationship is going smoothly, screw it up because she needs a certain level of tension or she gets bored.

 

[Brennin Magalus]

Hida,

Anyone who advises you to seek out a prostitute needs his head checked. You need to start exercising and breaking out of your comfort zone. Also, you need to learn the virtue of temperance (or relearn it, as the case may be).

 

[Obryn]

Anyone who advises you to seek out a prostitute needs his head checked. You need to start exercising and breaking out of your comfort zone. Also, you need to learn the virtue of temperance (or relearn it, as the case may be).

Why? If all he's looking for is sex, and he doesn't want to put in the time or effort to be a better person than who he is right now, a prostitute sounds perfect.

-O

 

[Darkness]

Anyone who advises you to seek out a prostitute needs his head checked.

Why? Real life is just like Pretty Woman, isn't it?

 

[The Shaman]

Anyone who advises you to seek out a prostitute needs his head checked.

The reference to hiring prostitutes in my post was intended stictly for its humor value, and should not be taken as a serious recommendation to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

(Unless you're in Pahrump or Winnemucca, Nevada.)

(I'm just sayin'.)

 

[Piratecat]

Aoogah, aoogah: that's your warning siren. Be polite and helpful, or this thread is closing faster than a blind date's door at the end of the evening. Being rude -- even when you don't agree with other peoples' advice -- is not the thing to do here.

Thanks.