Joy. It's the Buddy's Girlfriend.

[Thornir Alekeg]

Ouch dude. We came up with the golden rule long ago: no girlfriends playing. As time went by and some girlfriends became spouse we broke the golden rule... much to our dismay. No mater how we played it spouses/girlfriends (or even boyfriends if its a female player) simply do not work.
The way I see it each person in a relationship needs their own hobby, I told my fiance that I would gear my videogame playing to include her (less halo more rock band) but that D&D would stay just a guy thing. Now were down from a group of 6 to 3 dudes and me as the DM... and we r happy. I advise you to do the same, even if it is tough. In the end I'm sure you'll find, as we did, that the golden rule is sacred

As someone who's wife was a member of his gaming group along with three other couples, I will just say that your experience is very different from mine.

 

[Lizard]

In addition to the good advice given here already, make it clear to her that you'll let her change aspects of her character, or even her entire character, once she has more of the game under her belt. So if you build her a stabby rogue, and she decides she'd rather be a thuggish rogue, let her reselect skills/feats/etc. If she doesn't like rogues at all after seeing all the cool stuff warlocks do, let her swap out for a warlock. Just treat it as a retcon.

Pay attention to whatever parts of the game she finds interesting, and make sure there's enough of them, without it being the case of you pandering to her and annoying the other players. And for Ghu's sake, don't assume that just because she's female, that she wants lots of roleplaying and downtime and less combat. My wife only pays attention when it's time to kill things.

 

[Voss]

Any chance we could get this thread bumped somewhere else? Its a bit on the creepy side, and it doesn't really have anything to do with 4e- more a general gaming issue, with a side order of misogyny.

 

[Lizard]

Ouch dude. We came up with the golden rule long ago: no girlfriends playing. As time went by and some girlfriends became spouse we broke the golden rule... much to our dismay. No mater how we played it spouses/girlfriends (or even boyfriends if its a female player) simply do not work.
The way I see it each person in a relationship needs their own hobby, I told my fiance that I would gear my videogame playing to include her (less halo more rock band) but that D&D would stay just a guy thing. Now were down from a group of 6 to 3 dudes and me as the DM... and we r happy. I advise you to do the same, even if it is tough. In the end I'm sure you'll find, as we did, that the golden rule is sacred

Wow.

I don't date/marry non-gamers. My wife and I game together, play EQ2 together, etc. (Well, she brings out her low level alt to play with me..)

Our gaming group in SF was almost all couples.

Never understood the whole 'guy time' thing. If you've got someone you want to spend your life with, why exclude them from something you can both enjoy?

 

[Wormwood]

And for Ghu's sake, don't assume that just because she's female, that she wants lots of roleplaying and downtime and less combat.

Twice in two days I'm agreeing with ol' Lizard here.

I need a break.

 

[Piratecat]

Twice in two days I'm agreeing with ol' Lizard here.

I need a break.

He has good advice.

Thread moved to General, incidentally.

 

[withak]

And for Ghu's sake, don't assume that just because she's female, that she wants lots of roleplaying and downtime and less combat. My wife only pays attention when it's time to kill things.

QFT. In my gaming group, which includes two married couples, one woman's fighter is a butt-kicking crazy Amazon warrior. The other is a coquettish wizard, which I suppose fits the "female gamer" stereotype, but she was the DM for the last go-round, so that's got to count for something.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Whatever works for you, I guess, but I find this incredibly short-sighted and more than a little bit offensive.

While it's not for me, I can see the logic behind it.

Some groups use D&D Night kind of like a poker night or a guy's night or something along those lines. Getting girls involved in "male bonding time" is usually kind of an invasion-of-space consideration. D&D just happens to be concurrent with this "male bonding time." It's even easier if the group started out in high school or college and has survived the ladyfriends coming and going.

I probably prefer actual beer and strippers over imaginary ale and whore for my male bonding time, but to each their own, yeah? And I'd never pass up the chance to game with some of the coolest girlfriends (and, maybe surprisingly, coolest boyfriends....more of those, actually) on the planet, myself.

If D&D Night is your "Night with the boys," anyone's girlfriend is going to stick a big ol' buzzkill on the night, just as a wife invited to poker night or a fiancee invited to the March Madness party with Paul's new bigscreen would be an unwelcome participant.

And just as I'd be unwelcome in a girls' D&D night, or a ladies' night of beer and strippers, or whatever it is that girls do when there are no guys around (the Internet tells me it's sleep overs and sexy pillow fights, but I have my suspicions about the Internet...).

 

[FunkBGR]

Couples need to be able to do stuff seperately, too.

In my case, we have two guys in my group who have s/o's who "kinda" game. In both cases, it would be disruptive to have the s/o's come game with us, either due to not getting along with everyone, how the two's relationship has been established, whatever.

As the GM, I purposely exclude them for those reasons.

I have another group where one of the guy's wife plays with us, and everything is kosher.

Different couples act in different ways, and have their own established dynamics. I've generally found it's how mature the couple acts about their relationship, which when younger, like in High School or College, is less acceptable, while older people tend to deal with it better.

 

[bobthehappyzombie]

I know they are generaly daft and pointless but, why not get her to do one of the vast array of 'what D&D character are you?' quizes that are out there... in fact heres a link
http://www.easydamus.com/character.html
That may insipre her to be herself in paragon form, or play the polar opposite but it should at least give you both a bit of a springboard, heck do it yourself as well and discuss what sucky stats you got; it may help you both connect a bit, break the ice and all.

I have never had problems with girl/boyfriends of players joining in, there really is no reason why that should be an issue if you play with an reasonably even slightly mature (in attitude) group.