the Jester
Legend
Is this the Promised Land at last?
Through the portal, our heroes find themselves on a wide strip of sandy ground, roughly torus-shaped and largely encircled by high stone cliffs. There is a comfortable-looking table in the center, just near a cooking pit; a small amount of exploration quickly discovers an opening in the walls that leads outside. The halflings can hear the crash of surf from outside. The air has the tangy smell of the sea in it.
When they emerge from the enclosed area, they find themselves in a very comfortable environment. They are about midway up the sandy area of a long, gentle beach. Before them is the sea, glimmering emerald in the sunlight. Behind them, a few hundred yards away, the sands end and the trees begin. The ground slopes gently up away from the ocean.
A great, tasty-looking crab is crawling up the beach in their general direction. It is incredibly large- its central shell is almost 17’ across. It’s thick, dangerous-looking pincers snap at the empty air.
Nara cries out, “Lunch!” She launches a flame strike, hoping to start cooking early. She follows it up with a searing light, while Naomi joins in with an elemental fireball and a psionic fire bolt and Ari tosses another flame strike.
But the crab is big and tough. It survives the cooking attempts and charges forward onto Jawbreaker, clawing him for terrific damage. The Chief roars in anger and transforms into a bear! He lashes out, returning the favor. The crab and he begin tearing and hacking at each other, leaving terrible wounds in each other. The monstrous crab has tremendous reach, and as our heroes move around it, they keep giving it the opportunity to attack them. Soon it has crushed several of the halflings with ruthless strength, leaving them noticeably wounded. The crab turns its attention back to Jawbreaker, and another mighty blow of the pincers shatters several of his teeth! Blood sprays all over from the bear’s mouth, and it gives a load roar of pain and displeasure. The crab’s other pincer snakes in and takes off two of his toes! Jawbreaker howls again.
The adventurers keep up their attack. Naomi continues her cooking attempts both through her psychic powers and by channeling the elemental forces. Erasmuz uses a spiritual weapon to keep hammering at the crab, and then begins casting a suite of buffing spells upon himself, starting with divine power and then casting righteous might to enlarge himself to the size of a human! Thus swollen with power, he strides towards the crab and first heals Jawbreaker, and then pulls forth his harpoon. Nara casts a mass cure light wounds and heals those that the crab has damaged- including herself, Chief Jawbreaker and Erasmuz.
Jawbreaker takes a swipe at the crab, but it scuttles away and he misses. Blood is pouring down his face from his mouth, despite the healing administered to him. He shakes his head to clear it, even as Naomi attempts a mind thrust on the crab. “It’s mindless!” she shouts.
“That’s okay,” Erasmuz replies, stabbing it with his man-sized rapier. “We can still kill it.” As if in agreement, his spiritual weapon pounds down on the crab, cracking its shell!
Then Ari, wild shaped into a dire bear, bellows and charges forward. The crab snaps at him with its pincer, tearing a long gouge in his side, but Ari thunders forward and crashes into the monster, shattering its skull and pounding its head to mush. The thing drops; its feet still twitch, but it is clearly no longer a threat.
“I bet some of it’s already ready to eat,” Naomi burbles, drool dripping from her chins.
***
The crab is delicious, and it’s easy enough to grab up the fuel for a large fire, upon which they can cook as much crab as they want, or at least, as much as they can.
“So is this the Promised Land?” wonders Ari.
“It looks pretty good so far,” Nara replies.
“I don’t know, I’m suspicious,” the druid says.
“You’re always suspicious.”
“That is true,” Ari admits.
“Well, look over there,” Queffe gestures.
There is a figure approaching. Everyone stands up and prepares for trouble. “Hello,” Naomi hails the approaching figure.
“Hello,” he replies, in Halfling. He throws down his hood. He is an elderly halfling gentleman, with a long-out-of-fashion “gnome beard” and silk clothing of an unusual, old-fashioned cut. “Welcome! Welcome!”
“Is this it, then?” asks Queffe. “Have we reached...?”
“The Promised Land?” the stranger replies. “Almost. You are on the cusp of it. You must simply pass the trials first.”
“The trials?” asks Nara.
“Yes. You must prove yourselves worthy of entering the Promised Land. Finding your way here is but the first part of that proof. You must still pass the trials. I am your guide to them.”
“What can you tell us about them?”
“There are seven known trials, and you will take them in order. You must impress the Promised Land to enter.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you pass the trials, or at least most of them, you will probably be allowed to enter.” The guide shrugs. “But I cannot say for certain. I do not decide; the Promised Land decides, and I can only guess at what it wants.”
“I see.” Nara pauses. “What’s it like?”
The guide smiles beatifically. “It’s perfect,” he sighs. “It’s everything you could imagine, everything you could hope for. You’ll have a chance to taste it for yourself in the first trial.”
Cornbread tasted it and left, and could never go back again, Naomi reminds the others telepathically.
“One thing I can tell you is my own personal philosophy on the Promised Land, and what it means to be a halfling. I think there are certain halfling virtues. The Promised Land may not entirely agree with me- it seems to have a mind of its own- but this philosophy has served me well, during my time in the Promised Land. I believe that the Halfling Virtues are: Joy, Sharing, Prudence, Staunchness, Consumption, Creation, Cleverness and Gentleness.”
Naomi scribbles frantically, writing the virtues down. “Consumption,” she gurgles. “I can get behind that.”
“When do these trials begin?” asks Ari.
“That is up to you,” the guide answers. “You must merely tell me, and I will take you to the first trial. You may take as much time as you want between trials.”
“Forget that!” Erasmuz exclaims. “We’re almost there! I want to get in to the Promised Land!”
The guide smiles. “I can understand that.”
“Is there anything else you can tell us about these trials?” asks Nara.
“You won’t need your weapons and armor. You can leave them here. They’ll be here when you are ready to retrieve them. Oh, and I can tell you the names of the trials.”
“Please,” Jawbreaker grunts.
”The first trial is the Trial of Eating. Then there is the Trial of Drinking. Then Cooking, Dessert, Hunting, Cleverness and Faith.”
Erasmuz looks discomfited at the mention of faith.
Everyone takes stock and ensures that they are ready. Nobody is badly wounded, and they have most of their spells and powers still ready to go. “Let’s do it,” Naomi exclaims, chewing on another morsel of crab meat. “Take us to the first trial!”
Next Time: The Trials of the Promised Land!
Through the portal, our heroes find themselves on a wide strip of sandy ground, roughly torus-shaped and largely encircled by high stone cliffs. There is a comfortable-looking table in the center, just near a cooking pit; a small amount of exploration quickly discovers an opening in the walls that leads outside. The halflings can hear the crash of surf from outside. The air has the tangy smell of the sea in it.
When they emerge from the enclosed area, they find themselves in a very comfortable environment. They are about midway up the sandy area of a long, gentle beach. Before them is the sea, glimmering emerald in the sunlight. Behind them, a few hundred yards away, the sands end and the trees begin. The ground slopes gently up away from the ocean.
A great, tasty-looking crab is crawling up the beach in their general direction. It is incredibly large- its central shell is almost 17’ across. It’s thick, dangerous-looking pincers snap at the empty air.
Nara cries out, “Lunch!” She launches a flame strike, hoping to start cooking early. She follows it up with a searing light, while Naomi joins in with an elemental fireball and a psionic fire bolt and Ari tosses another flame strike.
But the crab is big and tough. It survives the cooking attempts and charges forward onto Jawbreaker, clawing him for terrific damage. The Chief roars in anger and transforms into a bear! He lashes out, returning the favor. The crab and he begin tearing and hacking at each other, leaving terrible wounds in each other. The monstrous crab has tremendous reach, and as our heroes move around it, they keep giving it the opportunity to attack them. Soon it has crushed several of the halflings with ruthless strength, leaving them noticeably wounded. The crab turns its attention back to Jawbreaker, and another mighty blow of the pincers shatters several of his teeth! Blood sprays all over from the bear’s mouth, and it gives a load roar of pain and displeasure. The crab’s other pincer snakes in and takes off two of his toes! Jawbreaker howls again.
The adventurers keep up their attack. Naomi continues her cooking attempts both through her psychic powers and by channeling the elemental forces. Erasmuz uses a spiritual weapon to keep hammering at the crab, and then begins casting a suite of buffing spells upon himself, starting with divine power and then casting righteous might to enlarge himself to the size of a human! Thus swollen with power, he strides towards the crab and first heals Jawbreaker, and then pulls forth his harpoon. Nara casts a mass cure light wounds and heals those that the crab has damaged- including herself, Chief Jawbreaker and Erasmuz.
Jawbreaker takes a swipe at the crab, but it scuttles away and he misses. Blood is pouring down his face from his mouth, despite the healing administered to him. He shakes his head to clear it, even as Naomi attempts a mind thrust on the crab. “It’s mindless!” she shouts.
“That’s okay,” Erasmuz replies, stabbing it with his man-sized rapier. “We can still kill it.” As if in agreement, his spiritual weapon pounds down on the crab, cracking its shell!
Then Ari, wild shaped into a dire bear, bellows and charges forward. The crab snaps at him with its pincer, tearing a long gouge in his side, but Ari thunders forward and crashes into the monster, shattering its skull and pounding its head to mush. The thing drops; its feet still twitch, but it is clearly no longer a threat.
“I bet some of it’s already ready to eat,” Naomi burbles, drool dripping from her chins.
***
The crab is delicious, and it’s easy enough to grab up the fuel for a large fire, upon which they can cook as much crab as they want, or at least, as much as they can.
“So is this the Promised Land?” wonders Ari.
“It looks pretty good so far,” Nara replies.
“I don’t know, I’m suspicious,” the druid says.
“You’re always suspicious.”
“That is true,” Ari admits.
“Well, look over there,” Queffe gestures.
There is a figure approaching. Everyone stands up and prepares for trouble. “Hello,” Naomi hails the approaching figure.
“Hello,” he replies, in Halfling. He throws down his hood. He is an elderly halfling gentleman, with a long-out-of-fashion “gnome beard” and silk clothing of an unusual, old-fashioned cut. “Welcome! Welcome!”
“Is this it, then?” asks Queffe. “Have we reached...?”
“The Promised Land?” the stranger replies. “Almost. You are on the cusp of it. You must simply pass the trials first.”
“The trials?” asks Nara.
“Yes. You must prove yourselves worthy of entering the Promised Land. Finding your way here is but the first part of that proof. You must still pass the trials. I am your guide to them.”
“What can you tell us about them?”
“There are seven known trials, and you will take them in order. You must impress the Promised Land to enter.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you pass the trials, or at least most of them, you will probably be allowed to enter.” The guide shrugs. “But I cannot say for certain. I do not decide; the Promised Land decides, and I can only guess at what it wants.”
“I see.” Nara pauses. “What’s it like?”
The guide smiles beatifically. “It’s perfect,” he sighs. “It’s everything you could imagine, everything you could hope for. You’ll have a chance to taste it for yourself in the first trial.”
Cornbread tasted it and left, and could never go back again, Naomi reminds the others telepathically.
“One thing I can tell you is my own personal philosophy on the Promised Land, and what it means to be a halfling. I think there are certain halfling virtues. The Promised Land may not entirely agree with me- it seems to have a mind of its own- but this philosophy has served me well, during my time in the Promised Land. I believe that the Halfling Virtues are: Joy, Sharing, Prudence, Staunchness, Consumption, Creation, Cleverness and Gentleness.”
Naomi scribbles frantically, writing the virtues down. “Consumption,” she gurgles. “I can get behind that.”
“When do these trials begin?” asks Ari.
“That is up to you,” the guide answers. “You must merely tell me, and I will take you to the first trial. You may take as much time as you want between trials.”
“Forget that!” Erasmuz exclaims. “We’re almost there! I want to get in to the Promised Land!”
The guide smiles. “I can understand that.”
“Is there anything else you can tell us about these trials?” asks Nara.
“You won’t need your weapons and armor. You can leave them here. They’ll be here when you are ready to retrieve them. Oh, and I can tell you the names of the trials.”
“Please,” Jawbreaker grunts.
”The first trial is the Trial of Eating. Then there is the Trial of Drinking. Then Cooking, Dessert, Hunting, Cleverness and Faith.”
Erasmuz looks discomfited at the mention of faith.
Everyone takes stock and ensures that they are ready. Nobody is badly wounded, and they have most of their spells and powers still ready to go. “Let’s do it,” Naomi exclaims, chewing on another morsel of crab meat. “Take us to the first trial!”
Next Time: The Trials of the Promised Land!