Professor Lampwick's Flying Goon Squad (A Thrilling Adventure)

[Man of Science]

Used to having my drinks quaffed by the thirsty monk, I'll only sigh and pull another one from my beard and hold it tight in my hand.

To our erstwhile companion I'll say, "Welcome Chopper Dave, our most skilled compatriot."

Then, back to the besodden stranger I'll say, "Your tone and manners disagree with me as much as your gong-like smell. You've made no friend here, but you have my attention, now use it wisely and quickly for I've a short patience for those unclean of etiquette and body. Tell of this 'job' so that we may come to decision on your concil and egress from your repulsive presence. Speak, besodden stranger!"

(sorry guys, I finished the Silmarilion a couple nights ago, and I've moved on to The Hobbit, and Gandalf's attitude may have infected me a bit)

 

[Buk]

The Answers

The bedraggled gnome scowls upon FP's antics, and pulls his mug closer, placing the other arm protectively around it, with the pouch still clutched in his hand. "Yes, I'ma gwinta finish it. Now stop interrupting the big people."

To MOS, he says, "I s'pose these are yer friends. Guess they'll do. that one muttering about 'possums gives me the willies, though." With what he apparently considers a dramatic gesture, the gnome upends his pouch. Out spill a bunch of dirty lumps, with little shiny flashes in them. "You've heard of Prospector Jim, no doubt. Greatest treasure-finder there ever was. Dwarf bastards ain't got nothin on ole Jim."

He sits back, looking satisfied. "Well, Jim's my cousin, and he asked me to come along to his latest dig. Said he'd found something real nice. So's I went with him, got it? And he shows me this hole, says there's great stuff down there, and hands me this bag full o dirt. Well, look here." He paws at one of the lumps, and the dirt falls away, revealing the shine of precious metal. (If anyone has stonecunning, let me know - and tell me your alchemy bonus if you have that.) "Pretty impressive, eh? Bet y'all want some o this. Well, you ken have it, if'n you come back to the hole with me."

He grumbles at the wench for more swill, and begins his tale. "Bout three days ago, Jim came up outta the hole whoopin and hollerin he'd found something big. I was awful bored by then, so's I agreed to abandon my post and go down with him fer a look. Afore we got there, we heard lots of rumblin around us, and some big hulk of a thing up and grabbed at us." He puffs up proudly. "I fought it off, but not afore it dealt ole Jim a bad blow. So's I was a-draggin ole Jim outta the hole, when this weird little doggie with antenna-things comes up an gives me a fright. Thought it was gonna try eatin Jim, but instead it grabs at my sword and leaves me with this." He holds up the broken sword. "After that it was content to just sit in the hole, so I got outta there."

He looks at his fingers. "Well, I set up a camp for Jim cus'n he couldn't come along, and stuck out down the road, lookin fer help. Coupla villagers told me bout some heroes what saved a village called Nestle, so here's I am. Lokin fer you, I guess."

"Ya'll wouldn't want to help me retrieve what's down there. Jim won't say what it is, just says I hafta see it fer meself. You ken have this stuff if'n ya want it. I reckon Jim has plenty more ta offer. You in, or ye yellow?"

He leans back, swigs his fresh swill down in one long draught, and gives you the collective stink-eye. Looks to you like he thinks you might be yellow.

 

[Man of Science]

"Hmm. . . you tell an interesting tale for such a disinteresting gnome."

<takes thoughtful draught of beard-booze and examines the ex-contents of his bag--Alchemy +11, Knowledge Geography and Know. History, both +6--do I know where Jim's dig might be and anything of note about it? tales of Umber Hulks or Rust Monsters, perhaps?>

"I cannot speak for my companions as this is an all-voluntary force . . . a veritable coalition of the willing, one could say, and my will does not master theirs. But for myself, I will follow you to Jim and his dig, on the condition that you bathe before we go . . . unless YOU'RE yellow."

I'll then slap my 1 pd. of soap out on to the table in a challenge, and take my share of the rocks he's offered us.

 

[Fou Pow!]

The bedraggled gnome scowls upon FP's antics, and pulls his mug closer, placing the other arm protectively around it, with the pouch still clutched in his hand. "Yes, I'ma gwinta finish it. Now stop interrupting the big people."

<eyes narrowing> "I don't like you."

With what he apparently considers a dramatic gesture, the gnome upends his pouch. Out spill a bunch of dirty lumps, with little shiny flashes in them.

My eyes widen and my eyebrows arch upward as I look curiously at the dirty lumps; then, without taking my eyes off the dirt, I nonchalantly put the empty glass into MofS’s beard and take a pinch of the soil, sniffing it to see if it is hooch-worthy stuff {does it have a peaty aroma? Is it good soil for growing hooch-worthy stuff? -- craft(hooch) +2}

"I reckon Jim has plenty more ta offer. You in, or ye yellow?"
He leans back, swigs his fresh swill down in one long draught, and gives you the collective stink-eye. Looks to you like he thinks you might be yellow.

"Are you MAD, sirrah? How DARE you!" <pounds fist on table for emphasis> "Why, your lack of hygeine is only surpassed by your lack of manners! Were I a hasty sort, I would gladly teach you a lesson!" <levels a long, wagging finger at the gnome> "You... <huff> Would do well... <puff> To savor that ale, not chug it in one fell swoop! Drink it slowly, invite it to your palate, relish the brew, delight in the subtle flavors, take pleasure in the nuances of the heady aroma!" <turning towards the bar> "Barkeep! Another tankard for this filthy, heathen swine." <sits back with arms crossed, glaring at the gnome with an expectant look>

 

[Fou Pow!]

"...I will follow you to Jim and his dig, on the condition that you bathe before we go . . . unless YOU'RE yellow."

I'll then slap my 1 pd. of soap out on to the table in a challenge, and take my share of the rocks he's offered us.

<jaw drops open, eyes widen, eyebrows raise... I slooooooowly scoot back in my chair...>

"OoooOOOooh... Oh ho ho, my friend! <sits up tall> Indeed, you walk a dangerous path! <stands up> But then again, <gestures widely to party> that is what makes us adventurers all, no? <stands on chair> Onward, then, to glory, to adventure - <raises arms to the sky> to Jim's Hole!!!

 

[Man of Science]

I shift a bit nervously in my chair and let my eyes show a hint of embarrassment.

"Er . . . yes, Gnome. Take us onward, let us delve deep the dank depths of Jim's hole, and find what nuggets of treasure are there to be had and defeat all foulness unfortunate enough to also be in Jim's dark hole."

 

[Fou Pow!]

Still standing on my chair, I lower my arms... Look around a bit... Then unceremoniously step down and return to my seat. :\

I look at each of my companions in turn, then address the filthly gnome. "So, uh, Gnome, are you in a big hurry to get to yer buddy's hole? For I am in need of some supplies, namely some healing potions. Do we have time to stop off at the adventurer's mart? And what should we call you?"

 

[Buk]

The wench bring fresh swill for the gnome, who glares at FP, then downs the booze in one gulp. He ignores the soap. "Ya'll ain't yellow, then? Good." He pushes himself away from the table. "Got a few supplies to pick up meself, but you 'heroes' don't go wastin' too much time. If'n we take too long, there's no tellin what'll be wating for us in Jim's hole. Meet me here in an hour. Gotta git movin' afore light's gone."

(MOS, your alchemy skill tells you that the glints of metal in the dirt are bits of platinum ore. Also, you seem to remember a story from many years ago involving miners in the Nestle region angering some sort of creatures, and an entire camp being destroyed. You're pretty sure they were mining platinum as well. You never heard there was anything insect-like about the creatures, though, as in umber hulks. However, you've heard tales of metal-eating beasts, and think there might be some with a taste for precious metals.)
(FP, the soil might indeed be good for growing hooch materials.)

At this point, you hear the faint tinkle of bells and a squeaky wheel rolling by outside the tavern. The sound seems familiar.

 

[Man of Science]

Very well, then. Let us adjourn to the potion vendor wheeling by outside.

I will buy 4 Potions of Cure Light (at 50 gp each, book price), and a potion of Cure Moderate (300 gp, book price). I will then walk down to the scroll shop and buy a scroll of Darkvision (150, book price) and a scroll of Magic Circle against Evil and a scroll of Lightning Bolt (both of which I will hold on to--I'll buy another copy of each after the adventure to copy into my spellbook--375 each, book).

I will also offer to cast Darkvision off a scroll on any of my companions when we get to Jim's hole, if they will pay 150 gp in advance so that I can buy the scrolls. Or I will cast any other spells on people when we get to the hole, if they pay for the scrolls now (Mage Armor, Bull's Strength, Cat's Grace, etc.), just seems like Darkvision may be a good one to have on hand, just in case.

If any of what I want to buy is unavailable, then I won't buy them. Otherwise, I'm ready to go and will meet with the Gnome at the appointed time and place.

Let's rock!

 

[Fou Pow!]

Hearing the bell outside, I dash outside and hop up on a hitching post, assume the Introspect Marmoset position (see pic), and recite:

"In Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little lame potionman


whistles far and wee


and pleasiusanddave come
running from possums and
lockpickings and it's
spring..."

Afterwards I slow fall from my perch and skip over to the potion cart, where I buy 2 potions of cure moderate wounds (300gp each), and 1 potion of cure light wounds (50gp each). Then I'll follow MofS to the scroll store and buy the following:

1 scroll of Enlarge Person @ 50gp
1 scroll of Reduce Person @ 50 gp
1 scroll of Darkvision @ 150gp
1 scroll of Bull's Strength @ 150gp
2 scrolls of Invisibility @ 150gp ea
1 scroll of Spider Climb @ 150gp

All of this should exhaust my personal coffers for now. I'll give the scrolls to MofS for use at a later date. If anything here is unavailable, I'll give the leftover money to MofS for our group's collective purse. Money? Wealth? A monk needs not these things.