Ry's guide to being an Evil Overlord

[Asmor]

99. "...any file of critical importance will be encrypted, padded with other information, and use biometric access. The biometric scanner shall require my retinal patterns and four different fingerprints, and be hooked up to a specific computer."

You can't hide secrets from the future with math
You can try, but I bet that in the future they laugh
At the half-assed schemes and algorithms amassed
To enforce crytographs in the past.

MC Frontalot - Secrets from the Future

Biometrics are also a poor idea... Passwords can be changed if compromised; fingerprints and retinae? Not so much.

 

[TheCrazyMuffinMan]

I will not engage in pointless dialogue with the hero, even if it's a good way to show that I'm not scared of him. If I -MUST-, I will have someone use this time to secretly put an end to him unawares.

 

[dmccoy1693]

Might I suggest, "Emergency Preemptive Triage Team"?

I'd have to vote against this one. Reason: Once someone joins the EPTT, they are inEPTT. It would be bad to have inEPTT assassins.

 

[Asmor]

I'd have to vote against this one. Reason: Once someone joins the EPTT, they are inEPTT. It would be bad to have inEPTT assassins.

Simple fix, just call your elite force COMPETENT!

 

[Tarek]

You can't hide secrets from the future with math
You can try, but I bet that in the future they laugh
At the half-assed schemes and algorithms amassed
To enforce crytographs in the past.

MC Frontalot - Secrets from the Future

Biometrics are also a poor idea... Passwords can be changed if compromised; fingerprints and retinae? Not so much.

"...and even then, a key piece of information will be missing from the file."

 

[Asmor]

"...and even then, a key piece of information will be missing from the file."

If having the document is important, and the missing information is important to understanding and using the document correctly, then the document is useless to you as well.

If having the document is important and the missing information is not important to understanding and using the document correctly, what good is it to leave that information out?

If the document isn't important... why have it in the first place?

Ultimately, there's no such thing as perfect security, though. I guess my evil overlord data retention rule would be something like the following:

All data which needs not be retained shall not be retained. All data which must be retained will be kept on contemporary media with the most advanced crytography currently practical. Periodically (lets say every year-- I'm an evil overlord with a lavish volcano lair, I've got cash to spare), all of the archives will be translated to whatever the current media of choice is, and as part of this process will be unencrypted and re-encrypted with then-current encryption. Old copies will be disposed of in an appropriate way which physically destroys all data previously on them.

Of course, this opens issues about who has access to the keys, and how we safeguard the data during translation, and what protocols are enacted to ensure that the old copies are adequately disposed of, but that's beyond the scope of this rule, I s'pose.

 

[dmccoy1693]

Biometrics are also a poor idea... Passwords can be changed if compromised; fingerprints and retinae? Not so much.

All passwords must be checked against the 5 year old advisor. If he can hack through your password in under a half hour, you get executed.

 

[Slife]

If I need to know the secret location of something, or perhaps the password to my doomsday weapon advanced landscape redistricting device, I will simply memorize it. There is no need for anyone else to be able to have access to this information.

 

[Dross]

All data which needs not be retained shall not be retained. All data which must be retained will be kept on contemporary media with the most advanced crytography currently practical. Periodically (lets say every year-- I'm an evil overlord with a lavish volcano lair, I've got cash to spare), all of the archives will be translated to whatever the current media of choice is, and as part of this process will be unencrypted and re-encrypted with then-current encryption. Old copies will be disposed of in an appropriate way which physically destroys all data previously on them.

I think you have it the wrong way round. You do not even need to encrypt it.

Just us a VERY OLD media source, such as 9-track tapes. Who has that now, and more importantly, who bothers to carry around something that can READ it?

 

[Kmart Kommando]

Heh,

1. My doomsday device would have a button marked "Cancel" coated in contact poison, which would also explode, seal the door, release a Cloudkill, drop a gas mask from the ceiling coated in contact poison, which is connected to a 99% nitrogen tank.

2. All computers would be networked so that any file that gets uploaded to portable media is Yanni mp3s. The gift that keeps on screeching...

3. The computer room will have a single accessible ventilation duct, which passes too close to large magnets, so any disk gets slagged when they try to crawl out. If it doesn't, see number 2.

4. All hand-to-hand combat training my troops receive starts with: step 1, dogpile everything 20 to 1. step 2, dead bodies make better cover, they don't duck at the last instant.

5. the computers will not be 'upgraded' to Windows Vista.