Ry's guide to being an Evil Overlord

[dmccoy1693]

1. My doomsday device would have a button marked "Cancel" coated in contact poison, which would also explode, seal the door, release a Cloudkill, drop a gas mask from the ceiling coated in contact poison, which is connected to a 99% nitrogen tank.

Your 5 year old advisor sees the hole in your plan and says, "What if they poke the cancel button with a yard stick while wearing their own gas mask?"

 

[Cheiromancer]

Your 5 year old advisor sees the hole in your plan and says, "What if they poke the cancel button with a yard stick while wearing their own gas mask?"

Curses! Foiled again!

 

[Halivar]

Curses! Foiled again!

You'd have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for that meddling kid.

 

[Asmor]

I think you have it the wrong way round. You do not even need to encrypt it.

Just us a VERY OLD media source, such as 9-track tapes. Who has that now, and more importantly, who bothers to carry around something that can READ it?

Security through obscurity isn't.

 

[TheCrazyMuffinMan]

Your 5 year old advisor sees the hole in your plan and says, "What if they poke the cancel button with a yard stick while wearing their own gas mask?"

The button itself is a momento mori trap. Yeah that's right. I paid the research costs and everything. It was worth it.

 

[Kheti sa-Menik]

If I, as an alien evil overlord, wish to conquer another world, I will observe that planet and covertly send agents to gather samples of various substances....especially substances that comprise oh, 71% of my target planet's area, like...water. And test them to make sure they don't kill me on contact. (I'm looking at you, Signs). In doing this, we'd also discover if the virii on the planet are you know, deadly to my invasion forces.....(War of the Worlds).

 

[Kmart Kommando]

Your 5 year old advisor sees the hole in your plan and says, "What if they poke the cancel button with a yard stick while wearing their own gas mask?"

not really, the button doesn't cancel anything. if there's a button, someone will press it. even if they poke it with a stick, it'd have to be a 40ft long stick to do it from outside the room, otherwise, they'd still be stuck in the room, with the cloudkill, and no exit.

 

[Eric Tolle]

The engineers of such a compound will be put to death to keep would-be assailants from gaining insider information into how my compound was constructed.

I will NOT put to death the engineers of my compound. Not only is that bad for moral, but inevitably one of them will escape and provide the information the hero needs to infiltrate. Also, having competent people who know my compound will be essential in case of the inevitable emergency.

Instead, I will give my engineers and their families a lifestyle of sybaritic luxury, contingent on their absolute loyalty. I will find one engineer who is NOT loyal, and make an example of them for the rest. Carrot, stick, loyal engineers.


Corollary One: My compound (or vehicles, computer, etc.) will not be designed to explode upon my death. In the unlikely happenstance of my demise, such will make it hard to resuscita
the me.


Corollary Two: if my highly trained and loyal engineers tell me there is a problem (such as say, the base exploding), I will LISTEN to them. There is after all, a reason I keep them in sybaritic luxury.


Rule 1001: I will never try to escape by climbing a rope ladder. That never works.

 

[dmccoy1693]

R1. My Legions of Terror will not be called Legions of Terror. I want them to have good morale and face as little resistance as possible from the populace at large. They will be called the Emergency Response Force or some similarly reassuring an official-souding title, with a reassuring acronym, like "ERF."

And the building where the ERF should be called ERFworld. It should be run by a guy that sounds rather harmless ... call him Stanley. Since I am an equal opportunity overlord, he needs a female assistant who really runs the show. She needs a name that can sound harmless and domestic as well as fearsome and menacing ... Wanda, brilliant.

And Stanley should have a pet hamster.