Bill Zebub
“It’s probably Matt Mercer’s fault.”
Oh, no. OP claims English is their first language, but they once spent several years teaching themselves to write it in a different way out of boredom and now can’t break the habit of writing in that way.
One of my all-time-favorite movie reviews, by my all time favorite movie reviewer, Anthony Lane, is of one of Star Wars ep. 1, 2, or 3 (honestly can't remember which) in which he rolls his eye at yoda, supposedly one of the wisest beings in the universe, being unable to use proper grammar. Then he wrote, "Break me a f***ing give."
(Asterisks inserted by me.)