D&D 5E Tales From The Awning Pothole

[BoldItalic]

Tippy used a Sending to tell Duke Cholmondeley what was happening. Cholmondeley put his foot down immediately. In fact, he put both feet down because he was just getting off his horse, Harrington. "No, Sir Theodore, I need you here. And Jones is to report back for re-assignment of duties; demigod or no demigod he's still under orders."

Tippy relayed the news to the others. "Does this mean that we have to split the party?" asked Albert in a worried voice.

It seemed they did.

"I vote Jones for DM," suggested Tasha. "He's already a demigod, might as well go the whole hog."

"But I have to report back to Southborough?"

"That's okay, you can do that off-stage. Just announce it's happened."

Jones cleared his throat. So this is what it meant to be a demigod.

Tippy went back to Southborough Castle, taking his ex-familiar ClaW with him for company. Sergeant Jones went as his military escort, attended by his fledgling halfling acolyte and her pet baby spectator who was too young to go adventuring on its own. This left ₼₼₼₼₼₼₼₼ the Wizard, Albert the Thief and Tasha the Fighter, those three stalwarts who had met all that time ago outside the Awning Pothole, to carry on the quest on their own.

"Right," said DM Jones briskly. "Goat, Albert and Tasha, you are in Ratherside, a small town of thatched houses situated on a bend in the River Rather and lying in the shadow of the orc-infested mountain of Attan's Peak. The town is peopled by the misunderdead. Night is falling and you have repaired to the local inn which is called The Three Knaves. A Bard is entertaining the customers. What are you going to do?"

---

• ₼₼₼₼₼₼₼₼ (aka Inannyunot, aka Goat) (Wizard-7 Conjurer; 37hp; 3x/day headbutt attack; books, clay tablet, Oyster Shell)
• Albert (Sinister Thief-7; 45hp; 3 daggers, +2 Club of Bluntness, 26 g.p., TotM pole, funny bone) Dungeon Delver
• Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-6 Battlemaster; 70hp; Versatile Double Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning, Sling, 17 g.p.) Alert, Heavy Armor Master

 

[rgoodbb]

Scissor steps followed by Shuffle Slap Up Changes & Steps and complemented with Syncopated & Traveling Wing Steps wowed the already awed crowd.

White leather armour studded with crystals and those diamond encrusted shoes which served as his foci. The trilby just topped it all off. Footnote, was definitely, in the house.

Patrons of all races fixated in joy on this entertainer, this magician, this artiste.

He moved swiftly through the crowd, relieving them of coin and trinkets, he moved through and behind the bar, and....

"Hale stranger. What news." Albert's player was getting into the role-playing side of things, and didn't much like someone else being good at purloining.

"Out of my way dullard, I have work to do this night." Ex DM responded in a dark-gruff-loner kind of voice.

"Well, Maybe we could help?"

"You'd just get in my way."

"Well I don't think there's any n..."

Footnote was out of the door and off into the gloom before anyone could stop him.

"He's so cool. Why is he so damned cool?" Asked Tasha.

"8th level...........20 Charisma." Replied the Wizard.

"Oooh."

KABOOM!FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF They heard a thunderous crack in the distance and the sound of scores of skiing Orcs approaching.......

 

[BoldItalic]

Goat, Tasha and Albert went outside to watch, as did most of the customers of the inn. Footnote the Bard was single-handedly attacking the orcs with flair, with elan, and with Thunderwave spells.

"Should we help?" wondered Tasha.

"The bard or the orcs?" answered Goat nastily.

"Look at the way he's blasting the snow away, so the orcs' skis hit bare rock and they fall over. I bet you can't do that."

"I wouldn't try. There's no point in just annoying orcs. You either slaughter them quickly or make friends. And he's not doing either."

"You're just jealous."

"At least I saved against his Charisma. You're just infatuated with him."

"Guys, Guys!" interrupted Albert, half-wishing Tippy was back here to knock a few heads together. Without his leadership, the team was falling apart. "Let's just see how he gets on, shall we?"

"My bet is, he runs out of spell slots before he runs out of orcs."

"How many do you think he has?"

"Twelve slots, and about two hundred orcs in waves of about ten."

"Some encounters, you walk away from almost unscathed," suggested Albert philosophically. "Some, you don't walk, you run. I want to see if he knows the difference."

"What's he doing now?"

"Cartwheels?"

 

[rgoodbb]

"Cartwheels?"

"How is his hat staying on?"

"Mage foot? Who knows."

Just then as dozens of orcs were about to attack him, he vibrated out of the way and they all clattered into a heap.

"Ahh. Swift Quiver."

"Ohh. There's Strutting Words"

"Is he Moonwalking?" All the orcs were skiing backwards

And with a grand finale, they all started skidancing and fell off the lower ledge and into the void.

"Hypnotic Dance."

All fell away apart from the last 12 who gave him a good battering. The three adventurers waded in and ended the fight.

"See how we rescued you there?"

"Yes I definitely didn't just save you the last 12 for you to play with at all."

"Uhm. Is he bluffing? Cause I think he's bluffing."

"Charisma 20 remember."

"Damn!"

 

[BoldItalic]

Inannyunot did some calculations, then pointed out to DM Jones, who was after all new to the job and possibly gullible, that "the party" had just defeated 200 orcs between them, worth 100xp each, so that's 20,000xp split four ways or 5000xp each, which is enough to put them around half-way to the next level. Footnote objected that he had killed the first 188 of them single-handed and he should get 19100 XP himself, which would put him immediately to level 9 and half-way to level 10, which was, after all, where he deserved to be, in his opinion

DM Jones wasn't born yesterday and ruled that in this campaign leveling up was by story milestones, not monster XP, and since the orcs had been neutral, exercising their permitted use of the ski slopes at night, attacking them served no useful purpose and had not advanced the story goals so they all got nothing. "You can level up when you get to Chult, and not before," he admonished. However, he did award Inspiration to Footnote for playing to his flaw: I have trouble trusting my allies.

Corporal Glint now came up to the four adventurers and announced that they were all under arrest for causing an affray, breach of the peace, use of unauthorised magic after the hours of darkness, multiple orcicide, possession of undeclared magic items, tax evasion, vagrancy, distribution of religious texts without a licence, failure to ...

"I'm sure we can come to some arrangement," suggested Footnote persuasively, cutting him short.

"Or I could hit you with my magic club and run away," offered Albert, "If it helps."

"Or I could chop you in half with my magic halberd," offered Tasha, "If it helps."

"Or I could cast Phantasmal Killer on you and tap into your worst nightmares," offered Inannyunot, "If it helps."

Corporal Glint stood firm. A mob of townsfolk gathered behind him, carrying torches and pitchforks. Their faces were curiously blank as they stared fixedly at the four adventurers. They were the misunderdead. They began to chant, first one, then two, then all of them joined in. It was a stomach-churning, ear-throbbing, knee-weakening chant. It grew in volume ...

"I know what this is," said Albert's player, meta-gaming wildly, "It's one of those problems where we all have to work together to solve it."

 

[rgoodbb]

"I know what this is," said Albert's player, meta-gaming wildly, "It's one of those problems where we all have to work together to solve it."

"Footnote this has a musical property. Can you keep them at bay?"

"I can cast CounterSmarm."

"Do it." replied Inannyunot

"Tasha, Albert I need you to whirl your ToteM pole and your Halbard around in opposite directions doing figure of eights."

Inannyunot then was able to cast Sleet Storm which disrupted their chanting and made them stop.

There was a Maztican Standoff, an impasse, a stalemate and a deadlock. A camera close up to Glint and then an opposite close up to Inannyunot. Who would move first? Who would blink?

Unfortunately, Tasha, being a stereotypical Half Orc/Half Orc Fighter had a low intelligence. I meen really low. When Inannyunot had asked for a figure of eight movement of her Halberd, she realised that eight was a number. She knew that much. she wasn't stupid.... But she had only got up to, and had really been practicing, the number 2, and had a semi-decent grasp on that she thought hopefully. So the spell had now been altered.

From above, there came a light SVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV, followed by a low rumble that increased in intensity until someone with the Alert Feat (Tasha herself) shouted almost too late AVALANCHE!....................

 

[BoldItalic]

"Stand still guys!" shouted Inannyunot, "This will only take a minute!". Then began to cast Leomund's Tiny Hut to cover himself, Tasha, Albert and Footnote. It had to include Cpl. Glint because he was standing very close to them, but it would exclude all the townsfolk.

"Rubbish idea," mocked Footnote, who didn't know that spell himself, "It's not avalanche proof."

"We'll soon find out, lad, we'll soon find out," was the wizard's reply. He was quite confident. He knew that the Hut would be immobile, so they couldn't get swept away or crushed, and objects outside it when it was cast couldn't penetrate the wall of force, so that would keep out ice, snow and boulders; whatever the avalanche threw at them. At worst, they would end up buried.

"More unauthorised spell-casting during the hours of darkness," objected Glint, "You're really in trouble now."

"It wasn't unauthorised. I authorised it myself. As a wizard, I'm an authority on spells. As an authority, I have the power to issue authorisations."

Corporal Glint's reply was cut short when the avalanche struck with a ferocity unmatched by avalanches before or since. The noise was tremendous and it went on for what seemed like an age. The Hut and the five people in it were safe, but the entire town of thatched houses was swept away and all the townsfolk disappeared under a layer of mud and boulders fifteen feet deep. The avalanche gods had been very, very, angry about something and they made sure everyone knew it.

"How long can we stay here?" asked Tasha.

"Eight hours."

"And then?"

"The Hut disappears and we get crushed by all those boulders you can see up there above our heads."

"I told you it was a rubbish idea," interjected Footnote.

"Feel free to do something better. Take your time, lad, we've got all night."

"Well, I don't have a problem personally, I can Dimension Door 500 feet straight up then Feather Fall down to the ground again. You'd all get left behind in here, of course. Not a lot I can do about that," and he capered a quick caper to show how unconcerned he was.

"I'd like to see that," said Inannyunot carefully.

"Watch me!" Footnote did a quick four-two-four and shot upwards, to bang his head very hard against the roof of the dome a few feet above him. He fell down looking dazed, having taken 4d6 (14) force damage.

"Perhaps I should have mentioned," said Inannyunot quietly, "that the effects of spells don't extend through the Hut?"

"This is intolerable!" shouted Corporal Glint. "You have no right to trap me in here! I demand to be let out!"

Albert cunningly reassured him. "You have us imprisoned, which is where we belong because of all those crimes you arrested us for. That's right, isn't it? And you are here watching us, to make sure we don't try to escape, aren't you?"

"Well, ..."

Meanwhile, Tasha was cradling Footnote in her arms, tending the lump on his head with a wet compress. "Can't you see he's hurt? When will you men stop playing dominance games and trying to out-smart each other? We're all in this together!"

"Ouch. Thank you Tasha. Just a little to the left," said Footnote with a grimace. "You're right. Inannyunot was right and I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll try to be a bit more co-operative in future."

"Well, I wasn't too helpful, either," admitted the wizard. "Tasha is right. She's shown more sense than we have. How about we appoint Tasha as the leader?"

"I'll go with that," agreed Albert. "If Footnote agrees too, and means it."

"Well, Tasha has got very strong arms," said Footnote feeling unusually comfortable in them. It was a long time since anyone had mothered him. He looked up at Tasha and smiled. "You are the boss lady now," he conceded. And then he thought he heard himself say "I promise to be a good boy," but he hoped he had imagined it. That was really embarrassing.

"Alright, let's have some suggestions for getting out of here before the Hut expires," said Tasha.

 

[rgoodbb]

"Well we can't go up, how about down." pondered Tasha

"Brilliant! The Hut is a dome. It doesn't have a floor."

Footnote became more animated. He passed everyone a pair of earmuffs. There were questioning looks as to why they were being passed them and why the bard had three spare pairs on him, nevertheless they put them on.

THWAKAKKKKK!.....THWAKAKKKKK!.....THWAKAKKKKK!.....THWAKAKKKKK!.....

Thunderclap after Thunderclap blasted down and down and diagonally down and eventually out the side.

Footnote was knackered, and fell into Tasha's arms again.

"I never had a son." Thought Tasha aloud before she could stop herself.

"What about a daughter?" Footnote replied.

"Yes, but she was Hideous."

"Tashas Hideous Daughter.................What was her name?

"Di'forelle."

 

[BoldItalic]

DM Jones looked at Footnote's character sheet, saw that there were no earmuffs listed in his inventory, and announced that from now on, it would be strict inventories and no suddenly conjuring things out of thin air.

"I'm School of Conjuration," pointed out Inannyunot's player. "I get the Minor Conjuration class feature. I can suddenly conjure things out of thin air."

"Did you conjure the earmuffs?"

"Well, no, but I could have conjured a box of earmuffs up to a three-foot cube if I'd wanted to. So what's the difference?"

"Actually," said Footnote's player, the former DM, "the earmuffs were just an illusion. I cast Silence over the other guys. It's one of the spells I know. See, it's here on my character sheet."

"If you cast Silence, it would have affected you too and you wouldn't have been able to cast all those Thunderwaves because it has a V component."

"Not if he cast it on a point 25 feet away from himself but arranged it to cover all of us," countered Albert's player. "I'm with him."

"Then he would be affected by his own Thunderwaves."

"No he wouldn't," objected Tasha's player. "Thunderwave affects a 15-foot cube with a point of origin of Self. The point of origin is not included in the effect." and she flipped open her PHB at p.204.

DM Jones knew when he was defeated. They were all ganging up on him. The players were co-operating. "Okay, you've Thunderwaved your way out of the Hut," he conceded. "What is your next move?"

---

The four adventurers, plus Cpl. Glint, stood outside on the rocky, icy plain where the town of Ratherside had been not an hour before. Inannyunot put up a Light. Glint looked around and was dismayed - "Where is everybody?" he cried.

"Looks like they've gone. Sorry," said Tasha. "The underdead are ... underground dead now. I expect it was quick, if that's any consolation."

"But my house has gone too! All my stuff was in there!"

"Why not take over the fort up the mountain? All the orcs have gone and there's no-one living there now? You could promote yourself to Garrison Commander."

Glint looked bewildered. "I can't do that! I haven't got the authority! It's not legal!"

Tasha shifted Footnote's weight on her arm, opened his backpack and borrowed a sheet of paper, pen and ink. "Here, write yourself an order to occupy the empty fort, to prevent it falling into enemy hands. Then sign it. We'll all witness it, that makes it legal."

An hour later, the four adventurers stood on the bank of the River Rather at the place where the bridge had been swept away. "I though we'd never get rid of him," remarked Albert, sitting down on a boulder.

"He'll be alright," was Tasha's opinion, "When he gets over the shock. Now, twinkletoes, it's time you stood up and stopped relying on me to carry you. Go and sit next to Albert. And Albert? No picking his pockets."

"Wouldn't dream of it, mum."

"What next?" asked Inannyunot. "Chult is a long way south of here. And South is the other side of this river."

"Here's the plan," announced Tasha confidently ...

 

[rgoodbb]

"Here's the plan," announced Tasha confidently ...

"We need a boat."

"What to cross a river? Really? That's your plan?"

"No to travel down it."

"But that takes us West."

"And there we will meet the sea and coast around until we go south."

"Seems like a looooooong plan."

"But a smoooooth one, with no hitches."

"Wait a minute." Footnote interjected. "Chult. I've heard of this place. We don't want to go there."

"Why?"

"Why? The Uluu Thalongh of course."

"Which is...?"

"An ancient, massive, intelligent, and baleful monster that is part of the land and will use it to destroy trespassers. Only with a magic Orb can we pass through that land safely. I know the whereabouts of one on Corsair Island. It's on the way. You are right Tasha. We do need a boat."

"...Footnote......." Asked Albert. "Are you messing with us? Why do you really need this Orb?"

"Well...........................