D&D 5E Tales From The Awning Pothole

[BoldItalic]

Well...........................

"It's an Orb of Dragonkind," explained Footnote with flair and panache, "One of the last ones known to exist in the wild. If we can get hold of it we can control dragons and ride them across Chult without having to trek through the jungle. You can't imagine the power it would give us!"

"Should we tell him?"

"Tell me what?"

"We can already summon dragons and we don't have to control them against their will, we just ask nicely and they help us if they can. There's Flora, and Archie, and Flora's mum and dad, Xabatha and Mušḫuššu, they're all friendly. Well, Flora and Archie have this on-and-off thing, you know, but Mušḫuššu is a real pussy cat, he's the pet of a Babylonian god called Marduk."

"You are on first name terms with families of dragons???? Who are you guys?"

"Oh, we're just these regular guys, you know."

"So, you don't want to go to Corsair Island, fight a bunch of bloodthirsty pirates, dig up their buried treasure and flee the island laden with gold and magic items just before a tempest destroys their ships so they can't give chase?"

"We didn't say we didn't want to do it, just we don't need to. But no reason we shouldn't do it for fun."

"And first, we need a boat," Tasha reminded them. "We'll follow this bank of the river downstream until we either reach the coast or we find a boat that we can hire. Or maybe a barge we can take passage on. We'll see what turns up."

Next morning, they found they had to take a rocky path down a steep slope where the river cascaded a hundred feet down into a lake in a wooded valley. Following a seemingly well-trodden trail they encountered a party of about a dozen wood-elf guards led by a druid. These elves were not fond of half-orcs ...

 

[rgoodbb]

These elves were not fond of half-orcs ...

"We're not fond of half-orcs." One said.

"Well you're in luck." Replied Tasha. "Because I am not a Half-Orc. I'm a Half-Orc/Half-Orc." Tasha continued proudly.

"Maybe not the best ti......"

"....You see most people think that that would constitute a full Orc but no, now pay attention, this is where it gets interesting..."

"Tasha. We need a boat, remember?"

"Ah yes. You look like aquatic Elves. Do you have a boat for hire?"

"If you are no Half-Orc, you would be able to play Hopscotch. If you win, we will allow you passage."

"And if I lose......"

The Elves were already ignoring her and were busily and excitedly drawing strange runes and and cryptic lined symbols on the ground. Footnote took Tasha to one side.

"I know this game very well. It is footwork and balance with rhyming chanting and jumping. I have Expertise in Hopscotch but I fear I cannot go in your place....unless.

20 minutes later they were swishing down the river on a boat that's name translated to A Leaf On The Wind. Footnote dispelled Disguise Self. They were on their way to Corsair Island......

 

[BoldItalic]

Inannyuot emerged from his cabin on the Leaf On The Wind and announced that he been in Sending contact with Penelope. They had had a nice long chat about how well Tickle was doing and she had given him a contact for a friend of hers who lived around here somewhere.

Footnote looked a little out of it. He didn't like to be out of things, he like to be into things, so he asked "Who's Penelope? And is the pretty?"

"The mother of all krakens. You know, protégé of the goddess Athena? Penelope was the one who obliterated Atlantis. Well, mostly. We weren't there, of course, but Cholmondely was there. You're a bard, I'm surprised you don't know the story?

"Er ... are you winding me up? Because if you are, that's my prerogative?"

"No. Tickle was my familiar once. I thought he was an octopus but it turned out he was a baby kraken and Penelope was his mummy. She's sweet, but is suppose pretty is pushing it a bit."

"Let me get this right. You are on personal terms with a kraken that's capable of destroying a continent?"

"Yes. Funny old world, isn't it? They say everybody knows everybody about three places removed. You must know some interesting people, Footnote?"

"Er, well, of course. Um. You mentioned she had a friend living around here? I expect I know her. Definitely. Probably," said Footnote, examining his fingernails with an air of nonchalance.

"Oh, yes, his Sending address is wilberforce.leviathan.ocean. I'll give him a call.

..............

A little later, an uncharted island appeared ahead of the ship. It was a few miles across but what was odd was that the ground wasn't sand and rocks like you would expect, but shiny and with a regular scaly pattern. Near the middle of the island, which was roughly dome-shaped, was a kelp forest. It looked a bit out of place because it was a long way out of the water.

"Hi, said the leviathan, "Can you do me a favour? I've got this itch on my back ..."

 

[rgoodbb]

"Hi, said the leviathan, "Can you do me a favour? I've got this itch on my back ..."

"Uhm......Inannyunot, I suppose you know this creature as well do you?" Asked Footnote in an exasperated voice.

"Not this one no. Uhm Hello great sea creature..."

"Colin."

"What was that?"

"My name is Colin."

"Oh well ...........Colin, We will of course assist you, but if we scratch your back will you scratch ours so to speak."

"Sure."

"Oooooh Kaaaaay."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hang on. Aren't I supposed to be in charge here?" Asked Tasha's player.

"Well I suppose we did put you in charge."

"Good. Now. DM, couldn't you have come up with a better name than Colin?"

"It was my cat's name."

"I'm not sure you are taking this new role seriously. Are you rebelling because of Footnote playing and not your PC?"

"Well, I was kind of lumped with this DM role. It might be someone elses turn now. In fact it is. I want to play."

"That's...........Fair enough I suppose, but you just can't come back as Jones the Demigod. And who's going to DM?"

"Wh...Alright, OK. Whatever, I just want to play. OK lemme think, lemme think. I'm gonna play a.........................

 

[BoldItalic]

"...... well, I've got two characters here, that I just happen to have prepared," mused soon-to-be-ex-DM Jones.

• Kingold Surehold, Paladin-7, Oath of the Ancients, with a Mercenary backgound from SCAG
• Adeliva Elmbough, Female Druid-7, Circle of the Moon, with a Hermit background. She has the Mobile feat.

Kingol is full of inspiring and cautionary tales from his military experience, relevant to almost every combat situation. He has a crude sense of humour and his Flaw is that he would rather eat his armor than admit when he's wrong. He is superstitious and avoids the number nine.

Adeliva is oblivious to etiquette and social expectations, but she feels tremendous empathy for all who suffer. Her flaw is that she likes keeping secrets and won't share them with anyone. She ran away from the world and became a hermit because the man she loved was unfaithful and while alone in the wilderness she made a mind-blowing discovery but she won't reveal it to anyone until the time is right. She believes her destiny lies in Chult.

"Now, which of those would fit best in the party? It rather depends on who is going to drop out and be DM."

It turned out that no-one wanted to be DM.

"Suppose we just play on without a DM? Just make it up as we go along?" suggested Tasha's player.

This provoked a lively discussion, the outcome of which was ...

 

[rgoodbb]

This provoked a lively discussion, the outcome of which was...

....Police, Ambulance, Fire Service and Coast Guard intervention. (Military on standby). Weirdly enough, They all turned up for the next session (The players not the emergency services, although one or two showed an interest upon hearing the story)

So..........You want to go................................off....script?

Yep

How would that work.

Well we bounce ideas off of each other and just add them to the adventure

But what if I said we stumble across 20 bound and beaten kobolds next to a box which had a vorpal sword in it. Thats too easy. Why wouldn't we just choose that.

Hmmm. Good point. Why don't we just blindly choose a page in the Monster Manual?

Cool. Let's see how this goes......


--A few moments later--


......Oh. Oooh....Was this such a good idea? I.......I......think we're going to need another spellcaster so Adeliva Elmbough the Druid it is then. Why did you have to open the Monster Manual on page.............

 

[BoldItalic]

.............. open the Monster Manual on page............. 278 Death Slaad.

"With a deft one-two of my magic halberd, I ... (rolls dice) ... scratch its left arm," announced Tasha.

It was Footnote's turn next, but his player casually switched back into his natural role of DM. "The slaad attacks the wizard first," he announced. "with two greatsword attacks. They both hit and, Goat, you take 24 slashing 14 necrotic damage. You are unconscious at 0hp." There was a gasp around the table as he said this but he continued "The slaad uses its bite attack on Albert and hits for 9 piercing plus 7 necrotic damage."

"I use Uncanny Dodge to halve the damage," interrupted Albert. "So, rounding down, I only take 4+3=7 total. Then, for my turn, I rifle through Goat's pockets, pull out his Oyster Shell and, as my bonus action, I throw it away as hard as I can so that it falls into the sea."

"Curses, foiled again!" cried Bar-De-Door in his mountain fastness, "My evil plan to whisper evil whispers through the Oyster Shell to evilly cause disssent in the party was working! It was an evilly brilliant plan! Now it is thwarted!" Then he kicked the mad orc chef next to him and blamed everyone but himself.

"I knew that would happen," smirked Skald the Norn, "but you are doomed to ignore my advice, so I didn't bother to tell you."

It was ex-DM Jones's turn next. "Adeliva gives a course belch, says 'Sod spells, it's too complicated,' and makes a grapple attack on the Slaad, which, surprisingly, succeeds. Then she moves to the ship's rail and drops it into the sea."

There was surprise (with a small 's') around the table. "Would you rather play the Paladin?" wondered one of the other players. "We don't mind if you want to switch?"

"No, I have this huge secret that I'm not going to tell you about."

"What is it, then?"

"Nice try."

 

[rgoodbb]

Leaf on the Wind sailed on, leaving the Death Slaad to float or drown. No-one really cared. There was no background for this Slaad, No motivation or thought-out crisis or even thought as to how it would sound. It had no DM, No write-up, No soul. It cried for a time wondering what to do, and came up with nothing as it had no mind of its own. It didn't even have a name. Why am I here? What was my purpose? Death Slaad is apt for I am dead to everyone and everything.

Before being dunked by the Druid, it had heard the question about whether the PC wanted to play a Paladin instead. Was that its purpose? Its sole purpose, to make a PC question their class? This was wrong. It thought. This is horrific. This is Monstrous. From this day forth, The Death Slaad made a pact with itself, a promise. It would never be made, used and abused like that again. Never would it stand for this treatment. I AM MORE THAN A STAT-BLOCK. It thought. That would be its slogan, its mantra and its purpose. Its meaning in life.

The Slaad Polymorphed into a dolphin and wondered how it would get its revenge as it slowly swam away in search of a DM that would give it meaning.

--------------------------​

.............Is it.............about a man

No

Woman

No

A Place

No

A person

No. We covered that with man and woman

Animal/Vegetable/Mineral

Not telling

Celestial/Fiend/Fey?

Nope

Beast/Monstrosity/Aberration?

Not telling. Its a secret

But you told us you had one

And

That's not fair

And

And.......And...........I wish you'd chosen the Paladin now.

 

[BoldItalic]

The Leaf was a magical ship of living oak and a figurehead of a unicorn graced the prow. It steered itself and needed no helmsman; the sails furled and unfurled themselves at need and the only thing the crew of wood elves had to do was to sing, dance and make merry, which they did gladly.

The captain, a druid called Acorn Oakheart, was obsessed with oak and he communed with the ship's timbers constantly. Sometimes, when they weren't too busy, they communed back. Adeliva tried to talk to him, druid to druid, but she wasn't an oak person, she was more into willow and aspen really, so there wasn't much common ground between them. All he would say that made any sense was "A sailor who knows his oak is a sailor who stays afloat" and she grew weary of hearing him repeat it.

She wandered down to Inannyunot's cabin to see how well he was recovering from his wounds. He was sitting up in his bunk, reading. His robes had been slashed to pieces by the slaad's ferocious greatsword attack so she did a Mending for him and they came up like new. "That's very nice of you," he said gratefully. "I never did learn that cantrip. I suppose it's too late now."

"Don't you get another cantrip when you level up? We druids do, isn't it the same for wizards?"

"Yes, but not until level 10 and it might be while before we get there, if we ever do. I'm not sure we're going to survive Chult."

"We will. I know we will. Because after Chult, you are destined to ..."

"Destined too ... what?"

"No, I've said too much. Let's change the subject. Why do they call you Goat?

So he told her the story of all his names and how he came by them.

"Gosh, you have had an exciting life. But, what is your real name?"

"Dont laugh, it's '₼₼₼₼₼₼₼₼'," he replied.

"Hmm. I can see why you would want to keep it a secret. But one day, the name of ₼₼₼₼₼₼₼₼ will be spoken with reverence and awe."

"Are you a seer of the future?"

"Ahah, that's my secret," she said with an enigmatic smile.

 

[rgoodbb]

I have a *Cough* Friend who has never played Chult before (and may not have yet received a certain book about it) so you might have to take the lead on the surroundings etc. while I.... I mean my friend, will stick with the small stuff. - Said some random player/DM at the table that definitely wasn't me. Anyway...

A Leaf on the Wind, swifted and swirled sweepingly towards its destination. On the way, it closed in on Corsair Island, and the party turned towards Footnote.

"Do you wish to stop here to get your Orb of Dragonkind? For fun?

"Well y'know, I mean, If.......

As the Leaf neared the Island, Adeliva, who kind'a already knew what they were going to do gave the order to Captain Oakheart............................