D&D 5E Tales From The Awning Pothole

[rgoodbb]

And so it was that the group got hopelessly season 1 LOST as they had a doctor, an interrogator and a criminal in charge. After being attacked by a polar bear that had no right being in this island, they met a beautiful half-elven woman called Kate. Because they could not fully understand their Dragon friend. They travelled north as seemed to be the ramblings of this uncouth giant lizard. They found a Tower of Babel where indeed they did get an Eyeful from the nymphs that ran the place. But as soon as they visited there, the Scottish Dragons words seemed to soften and become understandable.

They knew where they must go now and as they set off, the Tartan Wings, as good as his word, departed by season 5 leaving the cast and crew to make their own way. Arcane Locke being a focal point took on the mantel of the last two seasons and really strafed things up, leaving the whole audience in bored but knowing purgatory.

We digress...................

The Party arrived at the base of mount eyeful. Its girders made out of girdles. Its heights made out of tights. and at its pinnacle.....the Half-Elf Kate................


Tippy (Theodore Ignatius Phillpot Price; Cleric-2; Hammer)
-- Claude (Lobster; Tippy's familiar; Boomerang)
Ikidunot (aka Toothpaste) (Wizard-2; books)
Alber't'ickle (Octo-Thief-2; Dagger, a few coins and plenty of ink)
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-2; Versatile Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling)
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; a stone)
Kate (Enchanter/Siren)

 

[Lanefan]

Kate knew a bunch of hopeless cases and meal tickets when she saw them and, with a quick glance and signal behind her, she started in...

...and from those heights came the most beautiful of music, only not quite loud enough to hear clearly...but if you just got a little closer you'd be able to better discern it...such beautiful music...just a little closer...

Ha! wasn't fooled for a second. "Ha!" she laughed - and promptly vanished, reappearing a moment later looking slightly embarrased. She moved in close to the mountain base where the singy person at the top couldn't see her, and waited for the dangerous music to stop before doing anything else.

Tasha climbed Mount Eyjafjallajokull with no more difficulty than walking across a paved road, so enchanted was she. Ikidunot was right behind, and would have been ahead had Tasha's behind not kept getting in the way.

But Alber't'ickle hesitated, as he was having an internal argument. The Tickle part, following the lead of its once and future master, wanted to climb; while the Albert part thought it a bad idea and preferred to seek a plan B. So, as happened so often, Alber't'ickle settled the matter by taking an internal show-of-hands vote which (as always) the Tickle side won 8-2; and thus he started climbing, and as he had both his thiefly skills and several extra appendages to help him he soon caught up to the other two.

And Tippy tried to climb. Oh, how valiantly and vaingloriously Tippy tried to climb. And tried. And tried. And tried. He was going to hear that music if it was the last thing he did. But his awkwardness won the day, and after falling for the seventh time he was left dazed at the base of the mountain, unable to stand or proceed further. And thus was he saved when......

Tippy (Theodore Ignatius Phillpot Price; Cleric-2; Hammer) - 1 h.p., dazed
-- Claude (Lobster; Tippy's familiar; Boomerang)
Ikidunot (aka Toothpaste) (Wizard-2; books) - charmed
Alber't'ickle (Octo-Thief-2; Dagger, a few coins and plenty of ink) - partly-charmed
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-2; Versatile Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling) - charmed
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; a stone)
Kate (Enchanter/Siren) - charming

 

[BoldItalic]

And thus was he saved when......

... his mind went into overdrive and he remembered the rule about Charm ending if you do anything harmful to the target. He reckoned that being induced to fall repeatedly off a mountain counted as sufficiently harmful, didn't it? Well, didn't it? Yes it did.

This left the problem of his companions, who were still rushing towards their possible doom. They were too far away, now, for any of his spells to reach them and they weren't going to listen if he just shouted at them to come back. This called for something clever. He summoned Claude, who still had the boomerang, and explained what he wanted Claude to do. "No problem-o, skipper," said the lobster.

With Claude riding the boomerang like a surfer on a surfboard, Tippy threw it somewhere vaguely upwards. I didn't matter where. Once airborne, Claude steered the boomerang in great swooping circles, buoyed up by thermals generated by the violent volcanic activity inside the mountain, until it reached the very top. By now, Claude was out of range of Tippy's mind but he knew what he had to do. Not being humanoid, he was unaffected by the singing and this was his chance to make a difference. He felt proud to help his master. Also, Wheee!

Kate faltered for a moment in her singing because a lobster on a surfboard has just flown past her nose. She stared open-mouthed, wide-eyed and raised-eyebrowed. This wasn't in the script. Also not in the script was a lobster that circled round, grabbed her ululating tongue and nipped very hard with its massive claw before sailing past and out of an open window.

The singing interrupted, the charm broken, the team arrived and immediately attacked. Something busy happened involving a magic halberd going swishee-swishee-chop, a thief who seemed to get eight backstabs per round, and a wizard who threw every spell in the book at the near-speechless Kate¹. She escaped through a secret door, crying "oo'l ay or iss!" and barred the door behind her².

Meanwhile, Xabatha ...

---

¹ He threw the book.
² Uh-oh ...

At the bottom of the mountain
Tippy (Theodore Ignatius Phillpot Price; Cleric-2; Hammer) - 1 h.p.
-- Claude (Lobster; Tippy's familiar; Boomerang)

At the top of the mountain
Ikidunot (aka Toothpaste) (Wizard-2; books)
Alber't'ickle (Octo-Thief-2; Dagger, a few coins and plenty of ink)
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-2; Versatile Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling)
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; a stone)

 

[rgoodbb]

Meanwhile, Xabatha ...Mother of Dragon, looked down at the calamity below. She landed gracefully and ordered everyone out of initiative. Then she ordered everyone to introduce themselves........

"..........Really? That's your name?"

"Ikidunot."

"Well I don't suppose you do."

"Wait what?"

"I said I..... Never mind. What about you?"

"Tasha."

"Well I don't know why but that name gives me the giggles."

"Ha!" The She-hobbit popped in and then out again.

"Oh you too. It is funny isn't it."

"Fling." Another pop.

"Fling What?"

"Uhm I flung the lobster." Uttered Tippy, trying desperately to get to grips with this intro. Being a Cleric of the Envoy domain this coversation was sending judders up his spine.

"And what, Lobster, do they call you?"

"Claude."

"Ah Claw. How appropriate."

"It's Claude actually." The Cleric interjected.

"Nonsense. We are near the Tower of Babel. All languages are translated here. Claude is French and so the 'D' is silent making it Claw."

Claude/Claw thought about this for a long moment and accepted it with a shrug which was quite difficult for a lobster. More of an antenna under-roll.

"And you are?"

"Tippy."

"No wonder you couldn't get up that hill being drunk."

"No..Tip...Never mind."

"Last one. What do I call you?"

"You can call me Al."

"Ah Albert the Greight ?"

"What! No. Just Al"

"How about Aligeighter?"

"No."

"Sucker."

"Damn it how did you know?" At that point the Octo-thief revealed himself to all in a display of flailing and writhing (which is difficult to do both at once) tentacles.

Bar De-Door observed this from up high. He didn't care. He had added another LOST soul to his Evil Party Campaign.....

 

[Lanefan]

Ikidunot was impressed. Annoyed, as his really neat familiar was now part of Albert; but impressed nonetheless. "You stole him? You really honest-to-merlin stole him? You're a better thief than I thought!"

"Well, there were these diamonds..." began Alber't'ickle; and he got no further.

"DIAMONDS?!" thundered Xabatha. "Did you say diamonds?! Where? When? I demand to know!" The dragon's veneer of civilization had fallen completely away, replaced by the lust for wealth that drives most of dragonkind in what they do, and she was fearsome to behold.

"In - in - in the t-town, in a b-bucket" stammered Alber't'ickle. "I w-went to steal them, and next thing I knew I was in a bin and all like this..." he waved a few tentacles around "...and the d-diamonds were gone."

Xabatha's ferociousness had given way to a very dreamy expression. "A bucket of diamonds," she mused. "A whole bucket of girls' best friends...and I am a girl, aren't I? And I like friends. Best friends. Shiny gleaming multifaceted best friends. And the more the better." She turned again to Alber't'ickle and gazed into his eyes: "You will take me there. Now."

And for the second time in half an hour Alber't'ickle was charmed...only this time all ten hands made it a unanimous vote. Xabatha told him to get on and hold tight (he did) and they flapped away into the sunset.....

And Bar-de-door's attention was caught too: those diamonds, if real, could really help fund what he and his evil cohorts had in mind.....


Tippy (Theodore Ignatius Phillpot Price; Cleric-2; Hammer) - 1 h.p.
-- Claude (Lobster; Tippy's familiar; Boomerang)
Ikidunot (aka Toothpaste) (Wizard-2; books)
Alber't'ickle (Octo-Thief-2; Dagger, a few coins and plenty of ink) - charmed, riding Xabatha
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-2; Versatile Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling)
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; a stone)
Xabatha (Dragon Mother of Dragon; Alber't'ickle)

p.s. any 'Lost' references will, pun only half-intended, be completely lost on me as I've never seen it nor been interested.

 

[rgoodbb]

p.s. any 'Lost' references will, pun only half-intended, be completely lost on me as I've never seen it nor been interested.

Duly noted. I suppose we'll just have to stick with:

Star Wars
Star Trek
Lord of the Rings
Matrix
Firefly
Battlestar Galactica
Potterverse
Game of Thrones
Marvel Cinematic Universe
The Princess Bride
The Dark Crystal
Labyrinth
Krull
Batman
Buffy/Angel/Dollhouse/other Joss projects
Penny Dreadful (too good not to mention here)
Avatar
Equilibrium
Elysium
Mad Max
Zatoichi
300
Zu Warriors
Warriors
Seven Samurai
House of Flying Daggers
Hero
Crouching Tiger
Riddockverse
Sense8
American Gods
Vikings
The Walking Dead
Alphas
Powers
Stranger Things
Being Human
Fringe
And...Jason and the Argonauts.

 

[Lanefan]

Duly noted. I suppose we'll just have to stick with:

...[all sorts of stuff]...

And D&D?

 

[rgoodbb]

.........................Maybe.......................

 

[rgoodbb]

"We need to follow her." Exclaimed Tippy. "We keep forgetting to ask her where Flora is Gad-dagit! That's why we're here. It's written there in bold, in the plotlines. Why do we keep forgetting?"

"Plus she hath stolen our stealer"

"Pilfered our Pilferer"

"Thieved our Thief"

"Purloined our Purloiner"

"Looted our Looter."

"Nicked our Nicker?"

"Ha! Fling."

"Yes indeed.......Wait! Yes! Ha!....Can you Fling us there with your Intermistyteleplanartranspordiminsionstrideviasteps?"

"FLING!!!!!!!!!!"

And thus they were flung like an ape flings its poop into the ever-whirling fan of the cosmos. Scattered and Smattered, Chimed and Churned, Unpicked and Weaved, Through the Tither and Nither of time and space until eventually, after what felt like an eternity they were irrigated out with a force of a galactic Thunderwave into...........

 

[Lanefan]

after what felt like an eternity they were irrigated out with a force of a galactic Thunderwave into...........

...the very space they had just left, only it was noisier now as their thunderwave echoed around the mountain before rumbling off into the distance where it eventually destroyed two small barns and a cathedral before finally knocking off for home.

"Oops" said a sheepish-looking Ha! - who did not look sheepish because she'd been turned into a sheep but still had that kind of ewe belong to me sort of look to her.

"I got that wrong. Sorry." The small Halfling was right now looking very small, and a bit sad. "I keep forgetting I can't teleport...I have to do this always in two steps...off-plane, and then back on. And then there's the rock part. Forget that, and I'm hooped like a barrel." She picked up a couple of small rocks. "Anyone mind if we try that again, and this time I'll get it right?"

Dubious looks came her way from all around but with no other choice Tasha and Ikidunot sidled up to Ha!, then they all moved to Tippy, it was just easier that way.

"HA!"

And they appeared on a bleak gray rocky plain plane. The first thing Ha! did was throw one of her pebbles at random. Problem was, random ducked and she hit Johnny (!) square in the head. Johnny (anyone remember him?) had built up a fine head of steam in the hours and days and years he'd been stuck here, and released it now in a thunder-wavy-ous yell* as he charged at the little Halfling. Tippy clanked around to defend her and Tasha pulled out her legendary halberd and vaguely waved it in Johnny's general direction.

* - but at least the barns and cathedrals were safe from this one, as this plane had no such fineries to offer.

Ha!, however, had other ideas. Timing it to perfection, she cried "HA!" just as Johnny reached her - and put the lot of them in the centre of Polearms Lacey just in time to see Xabatha and Alber't'ickle flying in from the east......

Tippy (Theodore Ignatius Phillpot Price; Cleric-2; Hammer) - 1 h.p.
-- Claude (Lobster; Tippy's familiar; Boomerang)
Ikidunot (aka Toothpaste) (Wizard-2; books)
Alber't'ickle (Octo-Thief-2; Dagger, a few coins and plenty of ink) - charmed, riding Xabatha
Tasha (Half-Orc/Half-Orc Fighter-2; Versatile Halberd +1 of Dragon Summoning & Sling)
Ha! Fling! (Hobbit of The Planes; several stones)
Johnny (Human Fighter-3) - 18 h.p. of 20, enraged, attacking Ha!
Xabatha (Dragon Mother of Dragon; Alber't'ickle)