BoldItalic
First Post
I only read books, and then only if they are at least fifty years old. I recognise Lord of the Rings of course, and I get about Ha! Fling! being a hobbit. Everything else, you will have to explain. Footnotes are okay.
D&D 5E Tales From The Awning Pothole
I only read books, and then only if they are at least fifty years old. I recognise Lord of the Rings of course, and I get about Ha! Fling! being a hobbit. Everything else, you will have to explain. Footnotes are okay.
rgoodbb
Adventurer
At that moment Footnote appeared, stamped his jazz feet on the floor and the Dragon had no choice but to land. The incredibly powerful Bard then performed a moonwalk and both Xabatha and Alber't'ickle were slowly drawn back to the crowd. One foot-shuffle-tap more, and everyone was facing each other.
Everyone was slightly agog at what had just happened. This was a very powerful individual.
Was this sonic dancer good or evil?
Was his white leather armour for real?
Were those shoes made entirely of diamonds......lots of diamonds.....about a bucketload.......Everyone was staring at them.
Tippy was just about to get the plot moving forward again by asking the dragon about her daughter when..............
Everyone was slightly agog at what had just happened. This was a very powerful individual.
Was this sonic dancer good or evil?
Was his white leather armour for real?
Were those shoes made entirely of diamonds......lots of diamonds.....about a bucketload.......Everyone was staring at them.
Tippy was just about to get the plot moving forward again by asking the dragon about her daughter when..............
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BoldItalic
First Post
Tippy was just about to get the plot moving forward again by asking the dragon about her daughter when..............
In the city of Babylon, Marduk spake unto his pet dragon Mušḫuššu and he spake thus:
"What are these idiots doing? I sent them to drive mine enemies from the Oasis of Pain and all they do is flap about, to and fro between volcanoes and villages achieving precisely nothing! That's no way to rat a ziggu! I want this thing project managed!"
And Mušḫuššu replied, tossing his ringlets fetchingly: "Leave it to me, lord. They shall work steadily towards agreed objectives," for he had been on a training course for mid-level managers.
Then did Mušḫuššu manifest himself with the front feet of a leopard and the hind legs of an eagle and he sprang from Babylon to Polearms Lacey in a bound where he was greeted by Xabatha with enthusiastic neck-twining. "You didn't tell me you were coming," she chided.
"Xabatha, my dearly beloved but muddle-headed concubine," commanded Mušḫuššu in tones, "Do not distract these mortals from their allotted task. They are to travel to the Oasis of Pain and drive out the evil-doers therefrom, not rattle about here looking for diamonds in buckets. Our daughter Flora is already on her way there - I sent a cuneiform text message to her i-clay tablet about an hour ago and she replied in 124 characters or less. She's a good kid."
"Couldn't I just search a few buckets? It won't take long?"
"Xabatha ..."
"Oh, alright then. But you're going to give me a huge diamond anyway, aren't you, sweetie-pie?"
"Hmmph."
Approaching the Oasis of Pain, the party ...
In the city of Babylon, Marduk spake unto his pet dragon Mušḫuššu and he spake thus:
"What are these idiots doing? I sent them to drive mine enemies from the Oasis of Pain and all they do is flap about, to and fro between volcanoes and villages achieving precisely nothing! That's no way to rat a ziggu! I want this thing project managed!"
And Mušḫuššu replied, tossing his ringlets fetchingly: "Leave it to me, lord. They shall work steadily towards agreed objectives," for he had been on a training course for mid-level managers.
Then did Mušḫuššu manifest himself with the front feet of a leopard and the hind legs of an eagle and he sprang from Babylon to Polearms Lacey in a bound where he was greeted by Xabatha with enthusiastic neck-twining. "You didn't tell me you were coming," she chided.
"Xabatha, my dearly beloved but muddle-headed concubine," commanded Mušḫuššu in tones, "Do not distract these mortals from their allotted task. They are to travel to the Oasis of Pain and drive out the evil-doers therefrom, not rattle about here looking for diamonds in buckets. Our daughter Flora is already on her way there - I sent a cuneiform text message to her i-clay tablet about an hour ago and she replied in 124 characters or less. She's a good kid."
"Couldn't I just search a few buckets? It won't take long?"
"Xabatha ..."
"Oh, alright then. But you're going to give me a huge diamond anyway, aren't you, sweetie-pie?"
"Hmmph."
Approaching the Oasis of Pain, the party ...
Lanefan
Victoria Rules
Approaching the Oasis of Pain, the party ...
... found themselves up to their knees in sand, bogged down and overencumbered by the monstrous diamond Xabatha had enslaved them into collectively carrying and picking up a new level of exhaustion with every few passing steps.
"I'm exhausted!" moaned Tasha, who as the biggest and burliest of course had been stuck with carrying the heavy end.
"I'm exhausted!" moaned Ha!, who as the shortest was propping the diamond up from below and praying to every goddess she'd ever heard of that the rest of the party didn't drop it on her.
"I'm exhausted!" moaned Johnny, more to keep up appearances than anything else as he was, in fact, not carrying any of the diamond's weight even though he grunted and groaned just like everyone else.
"Myef mbrash kerd!" moaned visored Tippy, who as the de-facto leader had claimed the light end of the diamond but was having great difficulty seeing where he was going.
"Exhausted...exhausted...exhaust..." the mumbling Ikidunot seemed on the verge of passing out, but in fact he was deep in thought "...exhaust...exhaust...ex... That's it!!!" he suddenly shouted. "Exhaust! It comes from...it comes from...fiddle, there's a book here somewhere..." and he dropped his corner of the diamond (Tippy, at the same end, was barely able to save Ha! from being squashed flat) and rummaged in his pack. "Book...where's that book...a-HA! Here it is!"
And he quickly read through the relevant parts of Crombeen's Guide to the Internal Combustion Engine then muttered "I wish we had one of these"......
... found themselves up to their knees in sand, bogged down and overencumbered by the monstrous diamond Xabatha had enslaved them into collectively carrying and picking up a new level of exhaustion with every few passing steps.
"I'm exhausted!" moaned Tasha, who as the biggest and burliest of course had been stuck with carrying the heavy end.
"I'm exhausted!" moaned Ha!, who as the shortest was propping the diamond up from below and praying to every goddess she'd ever heard of that the rest of the party didn't drop it on her.
"I'm exhausted!" moaned Johnny, more to keep up appearances than anything else as he was, in fact, not carrying any of the diamond's weight even though he grunted and groaned just like everyone else.
"Myef mbrash kerd!" moaned visored Tippy, who as the de-facto leader had claimed the light end of the diamond but was having great difficulty seeing where he was going.
"Exhausted...exhausted...exhaust..." the mumbling Ikidunot seemed on the verge of passing out, but in fact he was deep in thought "...exhaust...exhaust...ex... That's it!!!" he suddenly shouted. "Exhaust! It comes from...it comes from...fiddle, there's a book here somewhere..." and he dropped his corner of the diamond (Tippy, at the same end, was barely able to save Ha! from being squashed flat) and rummaged in his pack. "Book...where's that book...a-HA! Here it is!"
And he quickly read through the relevant parts of Crombeen's Guide to the Internal Combustion Engine then muttered "I wish we had one of these"......
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rgoodbb
Adventurer
"Has anyone got the Mobile feat or toe?" Asked Tippy
"I seem to have both, why?" replied Ikidunot
"Fantastic we have ourselves an Or-toe-Mobile but have to use our Feet"
And thus the wizard transformed into a racing Jaguar with little leg holes in the bottom.
"Right. Type Oasis of Pain into the catnav and let's go."
"It says that there's a blockage on the Roman road but if we travel the other way we have to pass through Toll Gate. It must be one of Char-Ging's."
After a quick chat, they decided to go around the blockage. They set off. It was a fair travel to get to their final destination. They travelled many dozens of miles until they eventually approached a set of gates so tall, one could almost not see the top. A large sign read: BEWARE: TROLL GATE!
"Troll? I thought you said Toll."
"Uhm, catnav sending us the wrong way?" Replied a more sheepish looking Ha!
"I seem to have both, why?" replied Ikidunot
"Fantastic we have ourselves an Or-toe-Mobile but have to use our Feet"
And thus the wizard transformed into a racing Jaguar with little leg holes in the bottom.
"Right. Type Oasis of Pain into the catnav and let's go."
"It says that there's a blockage on the Roman road but if we travel the other way we have to pass through Toll Gate. It must be one of Char-Ging's."
After a quick chat, they decided to go around the blockage. They set off. It was a fair travel to get to their final destination. They travelled many dozens of miles until they eventually approached a set of gates so tall, one could almost not see the top. A large sign read: BEWARE: TROLL GATE!
"Troll? I thought you said Toll."
"Uhm, catnav sending us the wrong way?" Replied a more sheepish looking Ha!
BoldItalic
First Post
"When opening a Troll Gate," recited Ikidunot reading from The Practical Odometer, "it is important to know the serial number, which will be on a bar code on the back panel. Depending on the model, it may be necessary to remove the fascia assembly first, which will be retained by 17 self-losing screws, all but three of which are not interchangeable."
"There's no actual fence, just a gate," observed Tasha astutely. "We could just walk round it."
"I don't think we're expected to do that," replied Alber't'ickle. "We're supposed to do something adventurous, like fighting a troll."
Tippy had been staring at the gate, wondering why it had to be so high and what the hieroglyphs meant that looked like pterodactyl-cup-sunflower-camel and if that was a clue.
Ha! solved the problem by flinging a stone at the gate. It rebounded with a satisfying cloionggg noise and then, after a moment, the gate began to swing slowly open, with the creaking of hinges because you have to have creaking of hinges otherwise it's not a proper gate.
A troll stood inside the now-open gate. "Wot you want?" asked the troll.
"We'd like to come through, please?"
"You can't. Only trolls can come through. It's a troll gate, see?" said the troll, pointing at where the hieroglyphs spelled out pterodactyl-cup-sunflower-camel. "Can't you read Coptic?"
As the gate slowly swung shut, Alber't'ickle slipped stealthily through and started unscrewing the inspection cover on the back of the gatepost, exposing the arcane mechanism inside. Don't cut the yellow wire, don't cut the yellow wire .... He was presented with an array of large, square glyphs with numbers on them. This was obviously a puzzle where you have to press in the stones one at a time in the right sequence, except that was too obvious. Using his eight tentacles, he pressed stones 3,1,4,5,9,2,6 and 8 simultaneously and was rewarded with an unrumbling noise. Nothing else happened, just the noise, but at least it was something.
A troll boot kicked him lightly in the back. "Wot you doing?"
Alber't'ickle had to think fast ...
"There's no actual fence, just a gate," observed Tasha astutely. "We could just walk round it."
"I don't think we're expected to do that," replied Alber't'ickle. "We're supposed to do something adventurous, like fighting a troll."
Tippy had been staring at the gate, wondering why it had to be so high and what the hieroglyphs meant that looked like pterodactyl-cup-sunflower-camel and if that was a clue.
Ha! solved the problem by flinging a stone at the gate. It rebounded with a satisfying cloionggg noise and then, after a moment, the gate began to swing slowly open, with the creaking of hinges because you have to have creaking of hinges otherwise it's not a proper gate.
A troll stood inside the now-open gate. "Wot you want?" asked the troll.
"We'd like to come through, please?"
"You can't. Only trolls can come through. It's a troll gate, see?" said the troll, pointing at where the hieroglyphs spelled out pterodactyl-cup-sunflower-camel. "Can't you read Coptic?"
As the gate slowly swung shut, Alber't'ickle slipped stealthily through and started unscrewing the inspection cover on the back of the gatepost, exposing the arcane mechanism inside. Don't cut the yellow wire, don't cut the yellow wire .... He was presented with an array of large, square glyphs with numbers on them. This was obviously a puzzle where you have to press in the stones one at a time in the right sequence, except that was too obvious. Using his eight tentacles, he pressed stones 3,1,4,5,9,2,6 and 8 simultaneously and was rewarded with an unrumbling noise. Nothing else happened, just the noise, but at least it was something.
A troll boot kicked him lightly in the back. "Wot you doing?"
Alber't'ickle had to think fast ...
rgoodbb
Adventurer
Oh look.
Someone actually took the time out of their precious day to rate this thread: Average.
Alber't'ickle had to think fast ...
He wasn't good at fast thinking, he wasn't bad either really he was about average.
His sleight of hand skills were not exceptional, nor were they disastrous, they were about typical.
However, now he had many appendages, they were a little over normal he felt.
Indeed he did feel with two of them for the panel behind him and tried again to type in the correct but mundane sequence behind his average back whilst talking to the Troll.
Now this Troll by Troll standards, was pretty standard, almost run-of the mill as Trolls went. But he was still intimidating with his less than average vocabulary.
"Uhm. Great Troll. On a rating from 1 to 5, 1 being terrible and 5 being excellent, How would you rate your job as guard of Troll Gate?"
"Er.......Wotz da number in da midduw of dat." That was a safe bet and a smart play.
"3......Average."
"Yeah dat one."
The octo-thief carried on his typical conversation as the gate opened again. The rest of the party snuck through between the Troll's legs and left this Giant thinking about his usual, ordinary and unexceptional life.
Someone actually took the time out of their precious day to rate this thread: Average.
Alber't'ickle had to think fast ...
He wasn't good at fast thinking, he wasn't bad either really he was about average.
His sleight of hand skills were not exceptional, nor were they disastrous, they were about typical.
However, now he had many appendages, they were a little over normal he felt.
Indeed he did feel with two of them for the panel behind him and tried again to type in the correct but mundane sequence behind his average back whilst talking to the Troll.
Now this Troll by Troll standards, was pretty standard, almost run-of the mill as Trolls went. But he was still intimidating with his less than average vocabulary.
"Uhm. Great Troll. On a rating from 1 to 5, 1 being terrible and 5 being excellent, How would you rate your job as guard of Troll Gate?"
"Er.......Wotz da number in da midduw of dat." That was a safe bet and a smart play.
"3......Average."
"Yeah dat one."
The octo-thief carried on his typical conversation as the gate opened again. The rest of the party snuck through between the Troll's legs and left this Giant thinking about his usual, ordinary and unexceptional life.
BoldItalic
First Post
It's time's fault. But it works pretty well if we pretend they happened in reverse order.
And so the car rolled toward the oasis........
"Dang!" said Time, "I though I had them then. If this wasn't such an average thread, I would have done, too."
Time went back to his abode in timeland and sulked and made Big Bangs in the garden shed.
And so the car rolled further towards the oasis ...
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