"I can tell you're not from around here... and not just by your clothes." The old man forces a raspy laugh out from under his breath. "Folks around here usually call me "Old Man" or "Dirty Beggar" or "Fiend", "War-monger" and occasionally "Pervert", however that's not my point for calling you here." The Old Man rifles around the pockets of his rough-hewn coat with his free hand, producing a small package wrapped in simple brown paper. "If I was a betting man, and I am, I'd put all my money on the assumption that you three are here in response to the ubiquitous bulletin posted in every hamlet, hovel, and hollow this side of the Broken Mountain. And, once again, if I was a betting man, which I still am, I'd put all my money on the assumption that you are, in fact, trying to find a 'Mr. Phineus Blackroot." The Old Man grins to reveal two rows of pearly whites.
"Ah, no need to be amazed by my astounding feats of assumption. Anyway." The Old Man looks down to his hand, holding the parcel. "Ah yes, almost forgot. This right here is your free admission to the office of Mr. Bogg." He points to the parcel. "You see, he rarely has time for visitors, considering the numerous hours of toiling work he is subjected to, due to the fact that Clyde 'The Pompous Ass' Flagstone is still in office." He dangles the small package in front of you. "But..." He swiftly pulls the package away. "I'm going to have to ask you a favor." The Old Man stands up, takes a deep breath, and begins pacing back and forth in the narrow alleyway. "I'm and old man, ready for, well, 'retirement', but in that there lies a problem. A man in my profession simply does not retire. I'm proposing that you help me tie up some 'loose ends' and rectify problems that have yet to be delt with, and I am more than willing to offer you up this package and whatever money I might make from it." The Old Man's teeth take center-stage yet again. "I'll give you the package now, as long as one of you is sworn to the tasks I have awaiting."
"You may be asking yourselves "Hmm. I wonder what could be inside the package that the good looking and kind Old Man is holding?" ,well I can't tell you, but, I assure you that Phineus will be more that willing to speak to you as soon as he realizes that you have this here package." For the third time, the smiling old man's teeth dominate the lower half of his face.
"Oh, the name's Gar.. No, Chu... No, you can call me War... Yes, Warren."
"Any questions?"