To go or not to go....

[DungeonmasterCal]

Back at the first of the year, I was very gung-ho about GenCon this year. It's my second trip to the convention, and my 12 year old was going to accompany me. My son is very intelligent, near-genius level IQ, but he's become a complete slacker where his school work is concerned. We've given him chance after chance to get his act together and bring his grades up to the level we know he's capable of, but he just doesn't try. It's not that he's "not challenged"; we put him in AP classes at his request. He's just too lazy to do the work.

So, after endless threats and entreaties, with him in the room, I cancelled his GenCon 4 day pass. He was upset, of course. I'm just as upset. I was really hoping to bring him along, as he was very excited about going. Now, I don't feel like it, either. I'm torn as to whether or not I should cancel my own pass now.

Anyway... just venting.

 

[Cabled]

Go to GenCon, have a blast, be sure to tell your sonall about it when you get home. The alternative it is to convey to your son that it really wasn't worth attending after all anyways.

 

[Aesthetic Monk]

First, speaking as a parent, I think you did the right thing--the hard-but-right thing here.

I think a lesson would be taught either way--you not going more or less because of this thing with your son, or you going and having (presumably) a good time that probably would've been better with your son.

I tend to be a little sulky on things, so I think my first instinct would be to cancel, too, but I think I'd just kick myself for it later.

 

[Arnwyn]

Go to GenCon, have a blast, be sure to tell your sonall about it when you get home.

Agreed. Discipline and warnings are useless without consequences.

Go.

 

[diaglo]

COme to Gen Con. let me buy you a drink. way to go DMDad.

 

[FickleGM]

Back at the first of the year, I was very gung-ho about GenCon this year. It's my second trip to the convention, and my 12 year old was going to accompany me. My son is very intelligent, near-genius level IQ, but he's become a complete slacker where his school work is concerned. We've given him chance after chance to get his act together and bring his grades up to the level we know he's capable of, but he just doesn't try. It's not that he's "not challenged"; we put him in AP classes at his request. He's just too lazy to do the work.

So, after endless threats and entreaties, with him in the room, I cancelled his GenCon 4 day pass. He was upset, of course. I'm just as upset. I was really hoping to bring him along, as he was very excited about going. Now, I don't feel like it, either. I'm torn as to whether or not I should cancel my own pass now.

Anyway... just venting.

You sir, are a stronger dad than I. I would have had a hard time with that decision (and am glad that my wife and I have never offered to bring the kids). Kudos to you.

You may never change who he is, but I've found out the hard way that being passive with unacceptable behavior is tantamount to rewarding it.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

Thanks everyone. Wow, who knew ENWorld would be a place for parental support AND free booze!

 

[lissilambe]

This is a great and bold move on your part. This is what parenting is all about. The hard choices. The tough decisions. Drawing the line with your children to make them good and responsible people. Go, enjoy, bask in the company of those friends who will be there for you. And realize that when your son is your age, he'll think back and realize you were the best dad he ever could have had.

Take care
Don

 

[dragonhead]

I say that you not only go, but buy someting for everyone in your family but him, let him know that this is part of the punishment as you sit back and watch the grades next year become straight A's so he could go next year.

 

[werk]

My son is very intelligent, near-genius level IQ, but he's become a complete slacker where his school work is concerned. We've given him chance after chance to get his act together and bring his grades up to the level we know he's capable of, but he just doesn't try. It's not that he's "not challenged"; we put him in AP classes at his request. He's just too lazy to do the work.

Sounds like me. Just because the class is higher level, or AP (whatever that is), doesn't mean it is challenging or engaging, which is the real issue. I never did homework, largely because I didn't need to. In public school, they would teach the lesson, then do examples, then ask you to do more examples for homework. OK! I had it before you finished the lesson, the examples made me bored to death, and now I'll be damned if I'm gonna do more examples at home to show you that I know what I'm doing. The problem is the set-up, not the material.

Not a lot you can do about it other than observe classes to see how they are set up and get him into classes that are less 'traditional'...good luck with that.

FWIW, I never did homework and finished public high school with a B average (we called them 'accelerated classes' back then), went to college and almost flunked out until I found a field that interested me, then I got a strait 4.0. It has to come from inside him, not outside from you. Be supportive, and actually listen to his complaints.

Lazy is easily confused with belligerent frustration (see passive aggressive). Hope that helps.

I think you are doing the right thing by not allowing him to go, but is that punishment because he wants to go to GenCon and play games, or is that punishment because he doesn't get to take a trip with dad? I probably wouldn't rob him of the opportunity to spend time with you, that's good for him, I hope. If you share a lot of time together, then you should go and leave him sitting home with mom with a big list of chores. If you don't spend much time together, then find an alternate activity you can do together, like chores!