Winter Ceramic DM™: THE WINNER!

[BSF]

Knowing you, BardStephenFox, if you have a go at my story there won't be much left for our esteemed judges to wonder about.

You've never been wrong about anything I've posted yet.

That's very nice of you to say.

But I didn't mean to say that I included or represented anybody literally, apart from the deliberate nod to my esteemed opponent. I borrowed bits of this and that, and those of you who find something familiar in this will probably be right about where it came from.

I hadn't really thought that there were too many literals in the story. But, I observe certain elements that make me think of specific people. When framed against the nature of EN World, and the nature of this contest, it makes perfect sense. It is also deliciously appropriate. I love the cleverness in which you incorporate elements and I find myself looking for that inclusion whenever you post.

I've wanted to do something like this pretty much since AlSi2O first posted the d20 postmodern thread. Which is why I nearly wept for joy when Mythago handed me the violinist. If AlSi2O's in here anywhere besides getting himself salt roasted, it's there.

I still wish I had managed to pull it off in a more Gertrude Stein-like voice, so that form would follow function in a more avant-garde fashion, but nobody would have had the patience to read it if I'd tried that, eh?

Sometimes its important not to lose the soup in pursuit of the perfect bowl.

I would have had the patience. Curiously, I have been afraid my competitive nature would come to the fore in this little endeavor. By the time I posted last night, I had come to the realization that it was not important to me whether I won or not. It was important that I tried and it has been genuinely fun to participate. I was looking forward to whatever you would put together because I felt that by trying to put together a story, I had finally given back in a way that was, perhaps, significant. I certainly hope that everyone has had as much fun reading my little yarn as I have had in reading yours. It has been a growing experience and I am thankful for that.

 

[BSF]

Oh! Judgement was posted as I wrote my last post.

Congratulations Sialia!

Ah, now I have the opportunity to rende my post mortem on the story. this is going to take a little time because I wasn't terribly pleased with how it came out after I read my draft. I just couldn't find a way to tell it differently. However, I really appreciate the feedback and perhaps somebody can offer a bit more response after I highlight the things I had trouble with?

 

[alsih2o]

this whole shmear just gets better and better...

 

[Berandor]

O.K., now I have to say it. When I opened the PDF, I thought, "WTF? 17 pages? I'm not gonna read that!"
Then I started to read just to get a feel for what story would lose against BSF. And then I read the whole thing through, amazingly easy, and found myself hooked.
I can't believe you did this in three days. It's great!
I also liked BardStephenFox's story, and it had a better sense of closure, whereas Sialia's was really... long
But transcending from art collector to artist, from judging other's works to creating one's own - beautiful. As a writer (and who isn't these days), I was touched by the notion.
So, even though I think BSF's story was a little tighter, Sialia's somehow effected me deeper. I actually think her story could have been shorter without harming the overall theme, but it seems Sialia is the opposite of usual Ceramic DM contestants: she doesn't lack the time to flesh out, but to streamline. At least, to me
And I don't think the "F-" at the beginning would have been necessary, but it probably was something Sialia really, really wanted to include. I know how it is

 

[mythago]

You don't know how many times I thought about your "write a novel in one month" excercise while I was doing this.

And look how well THAT turned out.

 

[Cedric]

*looks up from his writing*

Umm...I don't have to come up with 17 pages, right? I mean...like, six would be fine, right?

Cedric

 

[mythago]

Umm...I don't have to come up with 17 pages, right? I mean...like, six would be fine, right?

It's not the size, it's the literary technique.

 

[Berandor]

It's not the size, it's the literary technique.

Yeah, that's what they try to tell us, anyway...

 

[Sialia]

Thank you BSF.

I actually think her story could have been shorter without harming the overall theme, but it seems Sialia is the opposite of usual Ceramic DM contestants: she doesn't lack the time to flesh out, but to streamline.

yup.

And I don't think the "F-" at the beginning would have been necessary, but it probably was something Sialia really, really wanted to include. I know how it is

Bandeeto begged me to take it out altogether.

I cut her swearing during Volpe's storytelling, and during the dragon's blow off about the motivations of elves. And when she was needling Lillabo--that scene got fdropped altogether. And I cut her oath when she first saw the boat and it was the most beautiful and awesome thing she had ever seen in her whole life. Every time that character opened her mouth, something raw and honest came out of it that would have resulted in a whole row of inappropriate smileys.

But that first one. I tried so hard to do somethign else with it, but it kept dying on me. Sticking a euphemism or newly coined local swearword in there was either cloyingly cute or incomprehensible. I could not thing of a single word that expressed Mirabelle's complete and utter frustration so clearly, and so succintly.

I tried writing around it, but a quote from Mark Twain on the subject of how to write kept stopping me. He said something like, "Never say 'the grandmother screamed.' Bring her on, and let her scream."

So I did.

But I'm open to suggestions.

 

[Sialia]

Best bit of Mirabelle's I had to leave out, because it was one of the spots where the frame broke and you could see the character's all sitting around eating chips and foolling around with the dog under the table while the GM takes a phone call:


Volpe: "Lillabo lends new meaning to the phrase 'Tis a gift to be simple.'"
Mirabelle: "With her, it's not so much a gift as a special ability."