robberbaron
First Post
Oh my.
Look in the dictionary under "Epic".
Look in the dictionary under "Epic".
-
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X-PATH: Stick Your Citadel Where the Sun Don't Shine (Complete 5 Aug 2004)
- Thread starter Capellan
- Start date
ledded
Herder of monkies
Wahoo!
Man, I have got *nothing* but love for this story hour.
Great style, great action, and characters that make you laugh yet you still identify with despite their, ahem, idiosyncrasies
. And enough non-apologetic, non-political-correctness to satisfy even the most jaded cynic, without ever *quite* taking it too far .
Man, I have got *nothing* but love for this story hour.
Great style, great action, and characters that make you laugh yet you still identify with despite their, ahem, idiosyncrasies
. And enough non-apologetic, non-political-correctness to satisfy even the most jaded cynic, without ever *quite* taking it too far .
Capellan
Explorer
10: Belak Gets a Hoe-sing
"Gross dereliction of duty." Patton fumed, "Asking for leave this close to the end of things. Where's the man's pride in his work?"
"To be fair, sir, his wife is in labour."
"The man has four wives, Jacobsen! If we let him take leave every time one of them drops a brat, the Mormon will have as many days off as that Super-Ninja idiot. Besides, if he goes, that only leaves the Elvisite and the pretty boy. With just the two of 'em, they'll hunker down and sit tight."
"Ah." Jacobsen checked his clipboard. So that was what the old man was so irritated about. "Well, Sir ... we could always send back the young lady?"
"She ain't no lady. Har!" Patton gave a wheezing laugh, slapping his knee with one bone-like hand. "She done with that photo-shoot?"
"She's got one more session scheduled for today, sir, but I'm sure we could get them to rush it through."
"Do it."
"And the Mormon's leave, sir?"
Patton nodded, stiffly.
"He can go."
* * *
"Ah thought y'all said you weren't supposed t'be here?" Floyd raised his eyebrows, "Y'said ya were just an intern, back Earth-side."
Beverly shrugged, tapping glitter-painted nails on the hilt of her Colt .45.
"I guess I did sign something. There were kinda a lot of forms to fill out when I started. I didn't really read them -" she broke off with a jump and a giggle as Fabio walked behind her.
"Since you two seem rarin' t'go." Floyd watched the double entendre go right over Beverly's head, "We'll head on down again and see what all we can find t'kill."
What all they can find turns out to be a fiery-hot worm-like creature, near as long as a man's height. The beast nearly sears its way through Floyd's chest before the three of them manage to finish it. At the end, with a wipe of his brow, the Elvisite looks at his lightly scorched companions. His own flesh has the more-than-healthy pinkness of newly-healed scars.
"Ah'm about tapped out for healin'." he remarks, "What I got left might keep someone from dyin', but I doubt it would get 'em back on their feet."
The decision is made to rest where they are, in a large cavern filled with fields of fungus. A rack of gardening implements lines one wall. Beverly examines these and points at one,
"Look, a hoe!"
"Ah'll say." Floyd isn't looking at the tools, "Lotta hoes around here."
Neither Fabio nor Beverly gets it, and after playing rock-scissors-paper to decide who is on watch (Bev loses), they settle down to rest.
* * *
They have come again.
The voice of the Gulthias tree seeped into Belak's head, like black sap oozing from a cut in the dark wood.
The Outcast raised his head, staring with maddened adoration at the twisted trunk and grasping branches ofthe black-leafed tree. As he did so, one of the stunted, snivelling goblins scampered into the chamber. Belak turned his gaze upon it, brow creasing. The frightened beast sank to the ground, banging its head on the moss-covered stones.
"Measgol sorry to disturb Master Belak," it grovelled, "But Measgol see intruders in western garden. Measgol not seen by them."
"How many?" Belak barked, startling a quiver of terror out of the creature.
"Measgol see three, Master Belak." the goblin quavered, "Measgol run tell Master, so Master can destroy filthy outsiders."
The Outcast stood, fists clenching at his sides,
"You have done well." he allowed, "Now, fetch the rest of your tribe, and be quick about it."
As the goblin ran to obery, Belak bowed to the tree,
"GIve forth your bounty, Oh Gulthias, that I might destroy these intruders in your domain."
All around him, the twisted forms of twig blights began to tear themselves from the earth, ready for the coming battle.
There was a long creak of warping timber, then a dull cracking sound, and the roots of the tree tore up from the earth as a mouth-like hole opened in the trunk, disgorging two bodies onto the floor at Belak's feet.
Belak laughed as the two rose to their feet. Once human, there features were now warped and bestial, twisted into a brown, bark-like appearance.
"Just as I gave you these offerings." he promised the mighty tree, "Soon I will give you three more. They cannot hope to stand against my army."
* * *
"I wonder what he thought he was doin', attackin' us like he did?" Floyd poked his foot into Belak's bullet-shattered body. "Stupid bastard never had a chance."
Fabio shrugged, his attention occupied with gathering the valuables from the bodies of the fallen.
"And what about these two?" Beverly gestured at the two other ... well, 'humans' seemed the nearest approximation. "They look like they came from Earth. Or at least she does." She pointed at the dead woman, who had dyed pink hair, and wore a leotard with leg warmers and an aging Iron Maiden t-shirt.
"They both are. There are Doc Martens on this one." Fabio indicated the man with the sword, now as dead as his partner. A faceful of shotgun will do that to a fellow.
"Musta gone commie." Floyd nodded sagely.
* * *
There was precious little left to do, once the business of sifting through the enemy's corpses was done. It proved that only a handful of chambers were left in the complex, and Belak had all but emptied them for his assault on the three humans.
Eventually, they came to the darkened cavern of the Gulthias tree itself.
"Ho-lee." Floyd whistled, "What all is that?"
"An oak?" Beverly suggested.
"There's an apple." Fabio pointed to the golden fruit, high in the upper branches.
"So there is." Floyd nodded, "I guess we found ourselves the fruit we were sent to get. Fact of it, we found the whole damn tree."
"The bark looks kind of like those two humans we killed." Beverly remarked, fishing in her purse for some gum.
"So it does." Floyd pondered for a moment, then turned to the ever-present floating camera, "How soon can you all send some earth-movin' gear down here? Ah'm thinking Mr Patton will be wantin' this here tree for hisself."
"Gross dereliction of duty." Patton fumed, "Asking for leave this close to the end of things. Where's the man's pride in his work?"
"To be fair, sir, his wife is in labour."
"The man has four wives, Jacobsen! If we let him take leave every time one of them drops a brat, the Mormon will have as many days off as that Super-Ninja idiot. Besides, if he goes, that only leaves the Elvisite and the pretty boy. With just the two of 'em, they'll hunker down and sit tight."
"Ah." Jacobsen checked his clipboard. So that was what the old man was so irritated about. "Well, Sir ... we could always send back the young lady?"
"She ain't no lady. Har!" Patton gave a wheezing laugh, slapping his knee with one bone-like hand. "She done with that photo-shoot?"
"She's got one more session scheduled for today, sir, but I'm sure we could get them to rush it through."
"Do it."
"And the Mormon's leave, sir?"
Patton nodded, stiffly.
"He can go."
* * *
"Ah thought y'all said you weren't supposed t'be here?" Floyd raised his eyebrows, "Y'said ya were just an intern, back Earth-side."
Beverly shrugged, tapping glitter-painted nails on the hilt of her Colt .45.
"I guess I did sign something. There were kinda a lot of forms to fill out when I started. I didn't really read them -" she broke off with a jump and a giggle as Fabio walked behind her.
"Since you two seem rarin' t'go." Floyd watched the double entendre go right over Beverly's head, "We'll head on down again and see what all we can find t'kill."
What all they can find turns out to be a fiery-hot worm-like creature, near as long as a man's height. The beast nearly sears its way through Floyd's chest before the three of them manage to finish it. At the end, with a wipe of his brow, the Elvisite looks at his lightly scorched companions. His own flesh has the more-than-healthy pinkness of newly-healed scars.
"Ah'm about tapped out for healin'." he remarks, "What I got left might keep someone from dyin', but I doubt it would get 'em back on their feet."
The decision is made to rest where they are, in a large cavern filled with fields of fungus. A rack of gardening implements lines one wall. Beverly examines these and points at one,
"Look, a hoe!"
"Ah'll say." Floyd isn't looking at the tools, "Lotta hoes around here."
Neither Fabio nor Beverly gets it, and after playing rock-scissors-paper to decide who is on watch (Bev loses), they settle down to rest.
* * *
They have come again.
The voice of the Gulthias tree seeped into Belak's head, like black sap oozing from a cut in the dark wood.
The Outcast raised his head, staring with maddened adoration at the twisted trunk and grasping branches ofthe black-leafed tree. As he did so, one of the stunted, snivelling goblins scampered into the chamber. Belak turned his gaze upon it, brow creasing. The frightened beast sank to the ground, banging its head on the moss-covered stones.
"Measgol sorry to disturb Master Belak," it grovelled, "But Measgol see intruders in western garden. Measgol not seen by them."
"How many?" Belak barked, startling a quiver of terror out of the creature.
"Measgol see three, Master Belak." the goblin quavered, "Measgol run tell Master, so Master can destroy filthy outsiders."
The Outcast stood, fists clenching at his sides,
"You have done well." he allowed, "Now, fetch the rest of your tribe, and be quick about it."
As the goblin ran to obery, Belak bowed to the tree,
"GIve forth your bounty, Oh Gulthias, that I might destroy these intruders in your domain."
All around him, the twisted forms of twig blights began to tear themselves from the earth, ready for the coming battle.
There was a long creak of warping timber, then a dull cracking sound, and the roots of the tree tore up from the earth as a mouth-like hole opened in the trunk, disgorging two bodies onto the floor at Belak's feet.
Belak laughed as the two rose to their feet. Once human, there features were now warped and bestial, twisted into a brown, bark-like appearance.
"Just as I gave you these offerings." he promised the mighty tree, "Soon I will give you three more. They cannot hope to stand against my army."
* * *
"I wonder what he thought he was doin', attackin' us like he did?" Floyd poked his foot into Belak's bullet-shattered body. "Stupid bastard never had a chance."
Fabio shrugged, his attention occupied with gathering the valuables from the bodies of the fallen.
"And what about these two?" Beverly gestured at the two other ... well, 'humans' seemed the nearest approximation. "They look like they came from Earth. Or at least she does." She pointed at the dead woman, who had dyed pink hair, and wore a leotard with leg warmers and an aging Iron Maiden t-shirt.
"They both are. There are Doc Martens on this one." Fabio indicated the man with the sword, now as dead as his partner. A faceful of shotgun will do that to a fellow.
"Musta gone commie." Floyd nodded sagely.
* * *
There was precious little left to do, once the business of sifting through the enemy's corpses was done. It proved that only a handful of chambers were left in the complex, and Belak had all but emptied them for his assault on the three humans.
Eventually, they came to the darkened cavern of the Gulthias tree itself.
"Ho-lee." Floyd whistled, "What all is that?"
"An oak?" Beverly suggested.
"There's an apple." Fabio pointed to the golden fruit, high in the upper branches.
"So there is." Floyd nodded, "I guess we found ourselves the fruit we were sent to get. Fact of it, we found the whole damn tree."
"The bark looks kind of like those two humans we killed." Beverly remarked, fishing in her purse for some gum.
"So it does." Floyd pondered for a moment, then turned to the ever-present floating camera, "How soon can you all send some earth-movin' gear down here? Ah'm thinking Mr Patton will be wantin' this here tree for hisself."
Mathew_Freeman
First Post
Work. Of. Genius!
How dare you keep this one quiet, Capellan! You should be publicising this all over the place - it's fantastic?
Are you planning to keep on running these characters and following the adventure path? Or do you think they'd get a little boring after a while?
How dare you keep this one quiet, Capellan! You should be publicising this all over the place - it's fantastic?
Are you planning to keep on running these characters and following the adventure path? Or do you think they'd get a little boring after a while?
Capellan
Explorer
The plan is to keep doing the Adventure Path, with these characters, until it's no longer fun. However, we play this as one of our rotating Thursday night games, so there's a bit of a gap (3-4 months) between playing each module. We should be starting to The Forge of F.U. in about 6 weeks, and regular updates will resume then.
In a couple of weeks (when I get home from holidays) I will post the house rules we have been using. I have this neat li'l PDF and everything
I may also update with some notes on the setting, if I get motivated enough
In a couple of weeks (when I get home from holidays) I will post the house rules we have been using. I have this neat li'l PDF and everything
I may also update with some notes on the setting, if I get motivated enough
Tony Vargas
Legend
I have to ask: is this modern characters planeshifted into deadly danger for entertainment revenue idea lifted from something? Module? Book? Computer Game? HoL?
Capellan
Explorer
The planeshifting thing was simply the quickest and easiest (and laziest ) way to explain modern-era PCs in an otherwise wholly fantasy-based setting. There wasn't any particular source for it, beyond that (though I have certainly seen plenty of stuff that uses this kind of device).
) way to explain modern-era PCs in an otherwise wholly fantasy-based setting. There wasn't any particular source for it, beyond that (though I have certainly seen plenty of stuff that uses this kind of device).
