In fiction is fine. Out of fiction is not fine. All you mentioned above are in fiction acts. Those are all fine.
But having someone wink at you is also an infiction act. I don't understand what distiinction you think you're pointing to here.
An in game reason that allows the DM to control my PC? Hardly. Absent some sort of mind control, I get to decide if the maiden's wink melts my heart.
No, because charm is an accepted part of the game. I know going into the game that there are in-fiction mechanics such as charm, dominate, command, etc., to assert control over my PC. A wink is not one of those and shouldn't be.
These are just bare assertions of preference. As [MENTION=16814]Ovinomancer[/MENTION] already noted.
I already said that there are some games with out of fiction mechanics, that allows the DM to assert control over my PC via something a wink, and that I wouldn't want to play one of those.
It's not "out of fiction". The wink occurs in the fiction. The melting of your PC's heart happens in the fiction. No difference from a spell.
And the rule that explains how winking works is something written down in a book. Just like the rules for "an accepted part of the game" that "know going into the game."
An in fiction wink has no ability to override a PC's normal reaction. Speaking personally, winks do absolutely nothing for me.
Mere assertion.
As many have pointed out - George Orwell probably most famously in relatively contemporary literature - everyone has their breaking point.
It also suggests significant ignorance of the variety of RPG designs out there. For instance, if you really want your PC never to be influenced by another PC's friendly behaviour, you can choose to play a game which allows that particular sort of immunity to be built into the PC.
And this also brings us back to the assumption that both you and [MENTION=6795602]FrogReaver[/MENTION] seem to be making but have not explicitly acknowledged let alone explained: what is the connection between
playing a character and
getting to decide whether or not that character is the sort of person who might be moved by a wink from another?
magic can do anything it says it does, normal person to person interactions don't exert explicit control over a person
This is just more assertion. In real life people influence one another all the time - eg someone calls out to you to stop, and you do; someone goes to shake your hand, and you respond; someone shows you a shocking image and it stuns you; someone you thought you hated smiles at you and offers you a cupcake that they brought into work from their birthday party on the weekend, and now you think you might have misjudged them.
In the context of a RPG, these are all infiction events that might occur, just like being ensorcelled.
Just as a game system might not always let the player choose whether or not the magic ensorcels his/her PC, so it might not always let the player choose whether or not the generous behaviour softens his/her PC's heart. The issues here go to aesthetics and the subject matter of the game, not to deep questions about "what is a RPG?"
