Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[Afrodyte]

I feel sorry for you. My husband and I have been gaming together since we met in college. Certainly not everyone is interested in gaming, even if their partner does it, but for us it's always been something we shared. Our group is two couples, and two singles.

This sort of thing really gets to me.

Why does Arnwyn need to be pitied? Does having a separate interest somehow mean Arnwyn is unhappy in the relationship he has with his wife? Is not wanting everyone you know involved in the same things some sort of psychological dysfunction?

Why do single people or people without kids need to be pitied? Does it make you less of a person to not have a S.O.? Does not having children make someone less than whole? Is it so inconceivable that even people in a good relationship need to spend some time on their own interests? Or even that people who have children need a respite from being a parent? Why do people need to be "on" all the time just to be viewed as a functional human being?

 

[Mustrum_Ridcully]

Why do single people or people without kids need to be pitied?

As a childless single: Because they miss something, the experience of a kid growing up, teaching it to speak, to learn, to think.
Because once they are dead, they leave no lasting legacy. Their genetic markup is lost, their personality and ideals have been lost since no kids where exposed and formed by it. I personally find that idea a little sad. It doesn't get me off my lazy ass to do something about it, like going out and finding a woman, but it is a thought that's sometimes nagging at me.

 

[roguerouge]

This sort of thing really gets to me.

Why does Arnwyn need to be pitied? Does having a separate interest somehow mean Arnwyn is unhappy in the relationship he has with his wife? Is not wanting everyone you know involved in the same things some sort of psychological dysfunction?

Why do single people or people without kids need to be pitied? Does it make you less of a person to not have a S.O.? Does not having children make someone less than whole? Is it so inconceivable that even people in a good relationship need to spend some time on their own interests? Or even that people who have children need a respite from being a parent? Why do people need to be "on" all the time just to be viewed as a functional human being?

Seconded. I believe in alone time and I believe in separate time and I understand that not everyone shares those beliefs and I understand that not everyone believes in and wants those things in their relationships and I don't pity them for disagreeing with me.

Sanctimonious, much? May the Soccer Mom Squad come knocking on your door, pitying you for your inadequate selflessness!

 

[Zinovia]

Why does Arnwyn need to be pitied? Does having a separate interest somehow mean Arnwyn is unhappy in the relationship he has with his wife? Is not wanting everyone you know involved in the same things some sort of psychological dysfunction?

He may well be perfectly happy, nevertheless I am sorry for him because he said he was *glad* to not play RPG's with his wife, or be in a group that included couples or people with children. I think he's missing out on some worthwhile experiences that might enrich his playing, but that's just my opinion. I can feel sorry for him even if he is happy the way things are. I never said not sharing interests was a psychological dysfunction, it's just not the way I work, so I'm projecting my own feelings into it.

Why do single people or people without kids need to be pitied?

That's not what I meant. it's not pity because he doesn't have children, but because he doesn't *want* to play with people who have them, with married couples, or even his wife. It's not that he wants her to play and she just doesn't care for it - perhaps that is the case, but it's sad to me that he doesn't even want her to play.

People don't need to have a partner or children to be complete, or happy. My pity is akin to what I'd feel for a person who couldn't see color when faced with a glorious sunset. They may enjoy it, but I am experiencing it in a different way that I am sorry they cannot share.

My feelings here may be silly, but they are mine. Don't read more into it than that please.

 

[Knightfall]

If your friends aren't having fun anymore because you had to go and drag your S.O. or children into their game time, seriously consider that it may be time to find a different table or just hang up the dice bag and pay more attention to the spouse and kids. They aren't bad friends or bad people because they aren't moving heaven and earth to make your social life ideal. Don't try to force square pegs into round holes.

I have to agree with this. I've played and DMed in several games where a player insisted on dragging his/her spouse or girlfriend to the game when that person really had no desire to be there.

If the S.O. is actually interested in learning to play, then that's great. However, if that person isn't interested and just sits on the sideline looking bored or distracts others from the game, then you have a problem.

It's amazing how often this happens, and it's really annoying when the "host" gets no warning that the S.O. is going to be tagging along. This has happened to me as a DM; although, I wasn't the "host."

Now, I haven't had this happen with kids, but I can see how it could be annoying for those without kids.

 

[Mamacat]

My son usually goes to bed at 9PM (he's 3-and-a-half), and he's the earliest sleeper of all the kids we know. The couple who game with us have kids who go to sleep between 11PM and 1AM.

My daughter is 2, and her bed time is 10:30pm, because I get home from work at 9:30pm, and my husband goes to work at 10pm. She refuses to go to bed until I get home. She doesn't get up until 9am / 10 am, so she's getting enough sleep, and on game nights, she's up until the game breaks up at 10pm. So, yes, she's part of the whole package here at our house.

And, yeah, we LIKE having her share in our game nights. That's not time alone for us - we save that for dinner and a movie.

 

[Mamacat]

How about with gaming with babies versus children? Or is there no difference in the etiquette?

Actually, gaming with babies is easier. They sleep if they are under 6 months, and are very portable. If they are between 6 - 12 months, you can take a high chair, and let them sit at the table. Provide crackers, etc, and a few high chair toys, and they are good to go. My daughter had a ball when we would do this. Once they are truly mobile, though, they aren't as portable, nor as patient.

If you are using minis - the baby can sit in for the Bulette (yes, I'm kidding!!).

 

[Mamacat]

I have to agree with this. I've played and DMed in several games where a player insisted on dragging his/her spouse or girlfriend to the game when that person really had no desire to be there.

If the S.O. is actually interested in learning to play, then that's great. However, if that person isn't interested and just sits on the sideline looking bored or distracts others from the game, then you have a problem.

It's amazing how often this happens, and it's really annoying when the "host" gets no warning that the S.O. is going to be tagging along. This has happened to me as a DM; although, I wasn't the "host."

Now, I haven't had this happen with kids, but I can see how it could be annoying for those without kids.

I had this happen, but luckily, the player was smart enough to bring along a DVD, and his girlfriend decided she didn't want to play, and so hung out and watched her movie. It worked out well, the gf had something to do, and the next week, she went out with friends instead of coming to the game.

 

[Jack99]

NEVER discipline a child that isn't yours physically. It's OK to say, "Hey, that's mine, please give it back.", and then get your stuff back. But if the kid needs a spanking, swat on the butt, or time out, let the parents do it. The parents should be quick to take care of their children, as well. If a child is in your way, either ask the parents to move the child, or ask them if you can do so (my group knows to gently move my daughter by putting a hand in the small of her back, and nudging her. She moves on her own.).

I have to ask. Is that still legal in the States, or do you just know a lot of bad parents?

 

[Mamacat]

I have to ask. Is that still legal in the States, or do you just know a lot of bad parents?

Is what legal, spanking? Or spanking someone else's kid? The answers, in that order, are yes technically, and no technically.