How many were abused due to their love of D&D, RPGs, and related items when they were young?

[GreyLord]

This is probably a somewhat controversial post. I am writing it because I am actually in shock regarding what a friend recently talked to me about. Before I get into that, I'll touch lightly on a personal experience I had regarding abuse due to RPGs I have seen.

A few years ago I was DMing a public group in a public space. We had some children there. Their parents did not approve of them playing D&D apparently, and were quite abusive (I think I mentioned it in these forums at the time) towards their children in that regards. It was shocking, somewhat, to everyone at the table, and after that I couldn't speak about it for a while (court stuff that went on in regards to the situation). I had a hard time believing anyone would be that way in our more modern time, or that people still felt that way. However, that, to me, was something that was over...or so I thought.

Flash forward to today. I am still somewhat in shock. I'm still grappling with what I discussed with the friend (and yes, they are okay with me bringing it here to talk about it).

We were discussing our experiences with D&D when we were younger. It turns out they had rather religious parents.

One of the things that we both love today are Lone Wolf books and Fighting Fantasy books. I told him I still had my original copies. He then started telling me what I can only feel was a horror story.

When he was in 6th grade he had a friend sell him three books. They were Lone Wolf books and he absolutely fell in love with them. His family moved a lot, and when they moved he got books 4 and 5. They were the only things he was able to bring with him on the move that were not packed up. They were his most treasured items.

His parents browsed through them one day, saw the words D&D, and then took them from him and burned them in front of him.

However, he loved the Lone Wolf series and spent every cent he had to buy them again. He also started buying Endless Quest books and Fighting Fantasy. His parents saw him have those books and they not only took them, but forced him to throw the books away or be "spanked."

He got the books again, but at this point had learned to hide them from his parents. He also met friends at school and started playing D&D. His parents found his Lone Wolf books, and once again threw them away (You'd think the parents would have figured out he REALLY...REALLY...liked the Lone Wolf books at that point). This wasn't punishment, it was because they thought anything fantasy and anything with D&D was evil or something stupid like that.

These were his most treasured items that they were tossing as well. Obviously, as he kept getting them, they were important to him. He was treated as if he was a druggie with them or something.

Anyways, he then told me at the age of 14, his parents found out he was playing D&D at school and then as punishment, forbid him from associating with any of those children (note...he kept associating with them, and found others when they moved) as well as then telling him he no longer would be provided clothes, or anything else from then on except housing and a meal a day. He would have to buy anything he needed otherwise, and if he got any of "those" books, they would be burned.

Guess what....he got more of those books. He was terrified that they would be found (and they were and burned). Today, he has like a million copies of every D&D book he owns due to this paranoia that grew from these events.

As we were talking about this, I just got more and more horrified. I said..."Dude....you were abused. That's abuse." He just laughed it off and said his parents were just really religious. He wasn't allowed to watch anything other than PBS when he was young either so missed the entire experience of watching kids shows.

I wasn't sure whether I was imagining things, so I looked up whether parents who throw away kids most treasured items when they are young, not as punishment but just because...was abuse. Google seems to agree that it IS EXTREME ABUSE. I told this friend that I feel he was extremely abused as a kid and that what happened was not okay.

I'm still reeling from his revelation, and then the thought hit me. He may not be the only one that had this happen in our community. It is highly possible there are those out there that have also been extremely abused.

It is not okay. It was NOT okay. If this happened to you, talk about it. Relate to others about it and realize, what happened to you was actually pretty extremely abusive behavior. It is not normal what occurred. It is NOT right.

There was this thing called the Satanic Panic regarding RPGs, and it probably caused some parents to act in very abusive ways towards their children. What they did was not right, and abuse is wrong any time it is done. After hearing this friends story about his youth I recall a few others who have indicated that they have had at least similar situations from parents when they were younger posting about it occasionally on these very forums.

I want to tell you, what happened to you was wrong. It was wrong then. It has always been wrong to abuse children, and if you were that child, you were abused. I have no idea if anything can be done now, and I'm sure you love your parents, but what they did was wrong. Just like what my friends parents did was wrong. What they did was considered extreme abuse, and that was extremely abusive. I wish there was a way to force all those parents who did that to their children to face justice. I don't think there is a way (though we can still stop abuse to children today) to do that, but I do want to know that you have my deepest sympathies if the above story is reflective of what you also went through, or if it was anything even close to what you went through.

I don't know how else to help my friend and what else to tell him. I simply can't believe that type of evil would exist towards a kid just because they wanted to play a game, especially someone that I have known for years (at this point). I also don't know what else to tell him. I am just shaken trying to comprehend how his parents could have done that to him and how no one else really blinked an eye, or brought up to him over all these years that what happened to him was wrong, it was abusive, and that it is okay for him to be upset that someone did that to him.

 

[billd91]

I was not abused at all about it. I was a good student, playing D&D didn't distract me from my studies, and my parents came from differing religious backgrounds, neither of which was super strict, so overbearing religion was never a problem. In fact, I always assumed that my parents were OK with me gaming because they knew I was in a reasonably controlled environment without parties and fights.

I didn't see anything I'd call abuse for my close friends and fellow gamers either. At least, not over D&D. One friend was an indifferent student and had his stuff periodically impounded as withdrawal of privileges, but never destroyed. And the players at the table who did suffer abuse got it from parents for reasons not related to D&D, one's old man was generally abusive to all of his kids and the other's parents kicked him out of the house his senior year for reasons I can't fathom (he was taken in by another close family for that year).

I did lose one gamer friend to religion because their pastor thought he shouldn't be playing D&D, but they were never abusive about it. And he obeyed (they eventually moved from the state).

 

[johndesmarais]

I got a minor amount of grief over the “waste of time” that it was, until I pointed out to my mother that her two Bridge groups each met once a week for a couple of hours each and she let the whole matter drop.

 

[Clint_L]

I was very much a latchkey kid, so my parents could care less about my nerdy game. They even got me my first AD&D PHB, plus a set of dice and five miniatures, for X-mas, and I was impressed that they even knew about it. My most treasured gift.

On the other hand, my friends and I took plenty of abuse at school, though we kept our passion for D&D on the down low, so the bullying was just directed at our general weirdness (by 1980s Nanaimo, BC standards).

I'm sorry that your friend suffered so much, though it seems to me that parents like that would have found another excuse if it wasn't D&D.

 

[Erekose]

Terrible that anyone has to suffer at all, let alone for a hobby As Clint_L said, bullies will bully and I don’t think what they’re bullying about is the main issue, they will always find an excuse to do it.

For our group, I don’t think it impacted us at all really beyond the social stigma at school that we already had for being less sporty, more academic, and interested in SciFi and Fantasy books/films. That said, we didn’t go out our way to advertise that we played D&D and Traveller - but by the same token we didn’t try and hide it.

In the UK, at least where I was, we never had the Satanic Panic that plagued the USA.

 

[GrimCo]

From parents- none. My mom even bought me my first VtM books ( green cover with red rose looked romantic to her). They even thought it was nice. I would spend most of Saturday at my friends house. They knew where i was, with whom i was and they were happy that i was spending time socializing and doing something creative. If it's significant, i was raised in Roman Catholic household like almost all of my friends ( in a country with 87% Roman Catholics and some 6% Orthodox ones). First copy of Baldurs Gate, my gateway into D&D, i got from young Dominican friar at our local church. He was holding catechism in preparation for confirmation sacrament, and trough talk we find our shared love for Tolkien, fantasy and heavy metal. So i got Baldurs Gate game and some Metallica and Slayer CDs form him. God bless him.

In school, very little. I'm no slouch when it comes to verbal sparring. So when someone poked fun of my love for nerd stuff, i poked fun at stuff they liked. It also helped that i was into combat sports since young age ( 4 years of greco roman wrestling and 4 years of judo in elementary, plus karate in parallel for 5 years) so few atempts of more agressive bullying from peers were settled behind school. In HS, only one kid from my class was douche about it. We settled it outside of school. Head and arm throw on concrete floor are primo way to stop a-holes.

 

[Joshua Randall]

“Abused” is a pretty strong word.

In school (in the 1980s) I was a nerd and got picked on (in relatively mild ways — no one ever stuck me in a locker or game me a swirlie or anything). But that would’ve happened whether D&D existed or not, because… I was a nerd.

Interestingly I don’t remember any of the insults or teasing ever related specifically to D&D!

With my parents? They couldn’t understand the game nor its appeal, but they supported my interests. (My AD&D DMG was a holiday gift and has an inscription from mom & dad on the inside cover!) Lots of my other nerdy friends played so I’d like to imagine some raised-eyebrow parent conversations at some point… but as pasttimes go, D&D is pretty harmless compared to drugs and rock’n’roll, the two things parents fear most.

 

[Not a Hobbit]

This is probably a somewhat controversial post. I am writing it because I am actually in shock regarding what a friend recently talked to me about. Before I get into that, I'll touch lightly on a personal experience I had regarding abuse due to RPGs I have seen.

A few years ago I was DMing a public group in a public space. We had some children there. Their parents did not approve of them playing D&D apparently, and were quite abusive (I think I mentioned it in these forums at the time) towards their children in that regards. It was shocking, somewhat, to everyone at the table, and after that I couldn't speak about it for a while (court stuff that went on in regards to the situation). I had a hard time believing anyone would be that way in our more modern time, or that people still felt that way. However, that, to me, was something that was over...or so I thought.

Flash forward to today. I am still somewhat in shock. I'm still grappling with what I discussed with the friend (and yes, they are okay with me bringing it here to talk about it).

We were discussing our experiences with D&D when we were younger. It turns out they had rather religious parents.

One of the things that we both love today are Lone Wolf books and Fighting Fantasy books. I told him I still had my original copies. He then started telling me what I can only feel was a horror story.

When he was in 6th grade he had a friend sell him three books. They were Lone Wolf books and he absolutely fell in love with them. His family moved a lot, and when they moved he got books 4 and 5. They were the only things he was able to bring with him on the move that were not packed up. They were his most treasured items.

His parents browsed through them one day, saw the words D&D, and then took them from him and burned them in front of him.

However, he loved the Lone Wolf series and spent every cent he had to buy them again. He also started buying Endless Quest books and Fighting Fantasy. His parents saw him have those books and they not only took them, but forced him to throw the books away or be "spanked."

He got the books again, but at this point had learned to hide them from his parents. He also met friends at school and started playing D&D. His parents found his Lone Wolf books, and once again threw them away (You'd think the parents would have figured out he REALLY...REALLY...liked the Lone Wolf books at that point). This wasn't punishment, it was because they thought anything fantasy and anything with D&D was evil or something stupid like that.

These were his most treasured items that they were tossing as well. Obviously, as he kept getting them, they were important to him. He was treated as if he was a druggie with them or something.

Anyways, he then told me at the age of 14, his parents found out he was playing D&D at school and then as punishment, forbid him from associating with any of those children (note...he kept associating with them, and found others when they moved) as well as then telling him he no longer would be provided clothes, or anything else from then on except housing and a meal a day. He would have to buy anything he needed otherwise, and if he got any of "those" books, they would be burned.

Guess what....he got more of those books. He was terrified that they would be found (and they were and burned). Today, he has like a million copies of every D&D book he owns due to this paranoia that grew from these events.

As we were talking about this, I just got more and more horrified. I said..."Dude....you were abused. That's abuse." He just laughed it off and said his parents were just really religious. He wasn't allowed to watch anything other than PBS when he was young either so missed the entire experience of watching kids shows.

I wasn't sure whether I was imagining things, so I looked up whether parents who throw away kids most treasured items when they are young, not as punishment but just because...was abuse. Google seems to agree that it IS EXTREME ABUSE. I told this friend that I feel he was extremely abused as a kid and that what happened was not okay.

I'm still reeling from his revelation, and then the thought hit me. He may not be the only one that had this happen in our community. It is highly possible there are those out there that have also been extremely abused.

It is not okay. It was NOT okay. If this happened to you, talk about it. Relate to others about it and realize, what happened to you was actually pretty extremely abusive behavior. It is not normal what occurred. It is NOT right.

There was this thing called the Satanic Panic regarding RPGs, and it probably caused some parents to act in very abusive ways towards their children. What they did was not right, and abuse is wrong any time it is done. After hearing this friends story about his youth I recall a few others who have indicated that they have had at least similar situations from parents when they were younger posting about it occasionally on these very forums.

I want to tell you, what happened to you was wrong. It was wrong then. It has always been wrong to abuse children, and if you were that child, you were abused. I have no idea if anything can be done now, and I'm sure you love your parents, but what they did was wrong. Just like what my friends parents did was wrong. What they did was considered extreme abuse, and that was extremely abusive. I wish there was a way to force all those parents who did that to their children to face justice. I don't think there is a way (though we can still stop abuse to children today) to do that, but I do want to know that you have my deepest sympathies if the above story is reflective of what you also went through, or if it was anything even close to what you went through.

I don't know how else to help my friend and what else to tell him. I simply can't believe that type of evil would exist towards a kid just because they wanted to play a game, especially someone that I have known for years (at this point). I also don't know what else to tell him. I am just shaken trying to comprehend how his parents could have done that to him and how no one else really blinked an eye, or brought up to him over all these years that what happened to him was wrong, it was abusive, and that it is okay for him to be upset that someone did that to him.

Cool story, bro.

 

[Bae'zel]

I wasn't "abused" but definitely shamed for it, adding to the pile of anxieties as a bullied child.

My mother was ultra religious (she's softened up a lot since). But back then, D&D was utterly satanic. Roleplaying games were one of the few hobbies that made me excited as a lonely, socially awkward kid. Her vitriol and fear mongering made me feel especially worthless. Not to mention that I got teased about it at school too.

I think it felt worse than it was because she also lumped in comic books, heavy metal music and girls into her list of "It's the dEvIL!!"

You can guess what topics I became obsessed with as a teen...

As an aside, the cognitive dissonance was epic: the first RPG she bought for me was Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay 1st edition (only because it was associated with the wargame, which was okay to her for some reason). WFRP 1E has arguably FAR more darkly occult content than any edition of D&D. Look at the Chaos and Necromancy spell ingredients, for example (truly ghastly).

 

[Echohawk]

I was (and still am) blessed with awesome parents. As a teen, when the mother of one of my players took issue with what she had been told was a "satanic" game, my mother phoned her up and suggested that she come over and watch us playing one of our game sessions before taking any action against her son. To her credit, she did exactly that. After an hour of watching us, she said "Well this is clearly completely harmless. I don't see what all the fuss is about," then got up and left.

And that was the extent of the impact of the satanic panic on our little group.