I am going to take a guess and state that the poster you think is trying to "school" you on your game was using a generic "you" and "your" to describe DMing in general and not a "you == Ariosto" or "your game == Ariosto's game".
You guessed correctly. I was talking about the times it's undeniably the party's fault for getting into trouble by being stupid, like not fleeing from an obviously superior foe when they can. In that context, I used the collective "you" to say when it's because of the DM that PCs die, not an attack on Ariosto. If I put the PCs in a situation where they can't escape against an enemy I grossly misjudged the power level of, I did in fact screw up a far as I'm concerned. And I have screwed up, on many occasions. The important thing is recognizing it as soon as possible and taking steps to correct it. Covertly if still possible, but if not, just be up front about it and admit you misjudged the encounter and that you're going to adjust the enemy's hp or stats to compensate.
Maybe it's just my playstyle, but to me PC death should be rare or for when they "deserve" it. I have the ability to throw whatever the hell I want at them, a TPK is not a challenge to produce. I find it much more enjoyable, for the PCs and for me, if I can walk the fine line of
nearly killing them in a fight, putting the fear of DM into their hearts but still leaving the encounter level such that they can survive and overcome it. And I don't mean every time i roll damage, I fudge to what's thematically coolest. I go with what's rolled generally, until it becomes a big problem. I mean that I try to tailor the encounters I plan to attain that "extremely dangerous but 100% survivable if you use good tactics" level.
Maybe with this in mind, it makes more sense to not take these posts personally and instead understand that the poster may be describing the playstyle that they enjoy, or discussing the circumstances they and many other DMs that post here might have experienced in the past.
Then again, I may be wrong, and the poster was personally addressing you specifically and no one else, but I really doubt it.
Basically. Though I do refuse to believe any DM is "just" a referee, like he claimed. Unless the PCs are telling you what monsters and how many to encounter, you're still choosing their antagonists, which makes you more than a referee. The PCs can say "we're going to explore the volcano dungeon!", sure. But the DM still determines just what they encounter in that dungeon, the layout of the terrain and map, the effects and/or abundance of dangerous lava pools at various points, how well adapted the enemies are to the situation for kicking PC ass (orcs on flying carpets with str composite bows hovering over impassable lava? just a quick example, I'm sure it's "flawed"). Even if you're just running a module verbatim (I find it hard to believe a DM wouldn't at least review it beforehand and consider tweaking it to fit the party or his goals as DM better), you're still effectively determining what the PCs face by your inaction.
Actually, "you screwed up" was from just a few posts ago, and "it's your fault" (twice) was from the poster who first saw fit to "school" me on my game.
I was contesting what you said. Not "schooling" you. Cripes.
What does "misjudged an encounter" mean? On what basis is it to be "judged"? How would I know that I was not "misjudging" it again?
Well, if you...
1. Think that with the DM's power to select and/or stat out the opponents the PCs face gives you any influence
at all in how difficult an encounter turns out to be.
2. Recognize that as DM there's no real challenge in just killing off the party (and if you are doing an adversarial style of DMing, you're also not just a referee), and thus question what exactly is the "challenge" in DMing -- Is it possible to "fail" the group as a DM? Is there any general measurement of what makes a person a good DM?
Then I guess I expect a person who realizes those two things to come to the conclusion that if the party's dying in encounters despite seemingly making sound choices in combat, to wonder if "maybe the problem is me?"
I'm mostly familiar with 3E rules. In 3E, something that was considered an "equivalent challenge rating" was supposed to have a very, very low chance of being fatal. The idea was that a party should in fact be able to go through 3, 4, 5, even 6 of these things on a given adventuring day, each encounter draining some of their resources, but otherise leaving them alive. If each encounter of "equivlant" challenge were significantly deadly, then by probability alone no adventuring party would last for very long.
If you disagree with those points or see what's "normal" as different, then obviously you disagree with me. But the whole "just a referee" comment is still hard for me to believe.
Finally, why should I break my word to my friends?
You shouldn't. My friends just expect me to be fair in the situations I throw them into, as part of my "word" in being DM.