The Railroad Test


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...If the NPC doesn't introduce himeself, you are NOT on a railroad.
If the NPC introduces himself as "Bigsley the Merchant," you MIGHT be on a railroad.
If the NPC introduces himself as "Elminster," you are ARE on a (crappy) railroad...

ROTFLMAO!

I wanted to give you some XP for this but I have to spread some around yet...but that was hillarious. You just made my day.:D
 


I just tried to leave town ... and boy are my arms tired.

Take my quasi-omniscient NPC wizard advisor... please.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
You're supposed to answer the door.
I'm not answering the door.
Fine, the door bursts open.
Now I'm really not answering it. I fire my crossbow.
You weren't expecting trouble, so your crossbow wasn't drawn.
I was too expecting trouble! I just said I'm not answering the door! I shoot my honking crossbow!
Fine, go ahead. It won't do anything anyway.

A cleric, a fighter, and a rogue are on a flying carpet, which catches on fire. They only have two rings of featherfalling between them. The cleric says, "I should have one of the rings, so I can heal and resurrect the party," and takes one of the rings, while the other two begrudgingly watch. He jumps off and gently drifts to the ground. The rogue says, "I should have the other ring, so I can scout for and recover your body." The fighter say, "Whatever. The GM has had it in for us every since we threw that artifact into the bay anyway."
 


THE KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE
---------------------------------------------------------------
DM: Hey, my girlfriend just texted me a funny joke. Wanna hear it?

Player: Sure.

DM: Okay. Knock knock.

Player: Hello?

DM: You're supposed to say "who's there."

Player: Yeah, but I didn't. I said "hello" instead.

DM: Come on, say "who's there."

Player: No. I said "hello."

DM: But it's a knock-knock joke.

Player: Yeah, and I think knock-knock jokes are lame. I'm taking this joke in a different direction.

DM: But you said you wanted to hear this joke.

Player: That was before I knew it was going to be lame.

DM: You didn't even hear it yet. How do you know it's...

Player: Any joke that requires me to follow a script is automatically lame. I prefer dynamic jokes.

DM: So you want me to make up a joke, based on whatever you say?

Player: Yep. Is that a problem?

DM: Well, yeah. That's not a joke, that's...that's improv comedy.

Player: That sounds awesome! Let's do that!

DM: I'm not an improv comedian.

Player: Oh, sorry. When you said you had a joke, I thought you were an actual comedian.

DM: *headdesk*
 
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