Anybody else have this problem?

[Negflar2099]

Okay there's this problem that's come up at my game table on numerous occasions, no matter what game we play or who the GM is (with some exceptions) and I don't know how to solve it.

Basically we're having the problem of people talking over one another which has the effect of making those people feel marginalized. My wife was the one that first brought it to my attention (and sadly she seems to be one of the most often marginalized players, which is why she noticed it first).

It's a complicated issue for us and there's a lot here to unpack. First there's the gender thing. This seems to impact the woman more than the men, although I've felt it too. There's also the issue of inexperienced people who don't (or can't) roleplay their characters versus those who just jump in and start talking, leaving the non-roleplayers feeling like they have no way to respond. Then there's personality issues between the more gregarious out-going people versus the introverts.

We've talked about it individually but it's hard because people become very defensive about it. I have to admit when my wife first raised the issue I started to get a little defensive myself. I was GM and when she pointed out how it was my job to make sure everyone had a chance to speak (which is totally true) I balked at first. Being a GM is stressful enough and although I honestly have tried I just can't seem to remember to keep track of who hasn't spoken. Plus it's so subjective, trying to figure out when one person has spoken too much (here I go being defensive again).

We've also talked about one of the most outgoing players who also tends to be the one who most often talks over other people. He listened and apologized but nothing changed (taking over a room is in his nature and it's hard to fight that sort of thing but maybe I'm making excuses for him.)

So now short of breaking my group into introverts versus extroverts (which would leave me with two teeny tiny groups) I'm not sure what else to do. I thought about adding a talking token that gets passed to everyone who speaks in turn. That way we could keep track of who has actually talked. It sounds good on paper but seems, I don't know, a little group-therapy-ish if that makes sense.

Does anybody have any other suggestions? If you've had this problem at your table how have you dealt with it? Bottom line is I want everyone to have a good time regardless of how outgoing or introverted they are. Thoughts?

 

[Elf Witch]

Yes I have experienced both as a DM and a player.

I was brought up not to interrupt people and I find it hard to do so as a player. I also am not a forceful speaker so people have just talked right over me. Believe it does make you feel marginalized.

For the most part I have had DMs who control the table and say things like let so and so talk. I also resorted to sending notes to the DM which really helped because it made them aware that I had something I wanted to say.

When I DM I am very aware of the people who get talked over so I try and remember to make a point to ask them if they want to say anything. I also stop people from talking over others. I say something like hey I can understand what all of you are saying one at a time please and ten I usually pick the shyer player to go first.

 

[nedjer]

Such a good post for laying bare the group dynamics that can mess with the fun.

Headed towards exactly the same option as you suggest as I read - which might go down well if the spotlight item is awesome, e.g. a cool figure or dice.

Figure/ s with a spotlight marker comes to mind as they could be just beside of you/ moved by you instead of any awkward wrenching a d20 out of the extroverts' hands.

 

[was]

use the talking stick approach...only the person with the stick gets to talk..doesn't have to be a stick..fuzzy dice work too

 

[S'mon]

IME unless you have a tableful of ockers (Australian males) it's usually just the one guy who is overly loud/forceful/dominating. The GM needs to be very careful to keep that player in check, not show him favouritism, and make sure everyone gets equal attention.

One thing you can do is to be liberal with use of the Initiative mechanic or a similar device - it slows down play, but it does ensure everyone gets My Turn. Some people will happily wait a long time as long as they know My Turn will come round again.

Good players should make an effort to engage other players, esp the shyer players, in in-character discussion and other activties, but be aware some may be Watchers and prefer to be relatively passive.

 

[Crothian]

I've seen this problem plenty of times over the years. As the DM I think it is that person's responsibility to stop it from happening. Interrupt the player that is talking over another person and ask (or tell) them to hold on and allow the other player to speak first. Sometimes a DM needs to act like a referee of a sporting event. Pull a yellow card on players if that will help.

 

[Spatula]

I agree with Crothian that it's part of your job as DM to keep the group from getting unruly. If person A cuts person B off, tell person A (nicely) to let B finish. "A" will probably learn to interrupt less over time, but you as the DM need to set the clear boundary first.

 

[ahayford]

Another thing you can do is actively try to pull the introverts into the story more. Have characters call out your marginalized players by name. Maybe the local barkeep heard you wizard is the real brains behind the operation, and really doesn't want to deal with the gregarious blowhard warrior that thinks he runs things. Try to learn the backstory of some of your marginalized players and create situations/reasons for them to be the center of attention.

 

[saskganesh]

I know as a player I can overtalk, especially when I am excited. So I make conscious efforts to slow down and listen to everyone else. And it's OK as I also know my ideas will be heard anyway. I don't have to say them three times or three different ways.

We booted one guy who could not do any of that that. He either loved his own voice too much or he was so insecure he could not shut up. The game is better for it. But he was pretty bitter.

As a GM I make conscious efforts to talk to everyone directly at the table. Not everyone talks the same amount, as in life, and we don't have "turns", and we don't use a (gah!) talking stick. But everyone gets engaged.

Of course, the other players help a lot too. It's a group game,. Make sure everyone understand what that means.

 

[the Jester]

I think a firm "Wait your turn" every time it happens is bound to break him of the habit eventually, right?

Emphasize to the overtalker that it is a real issue and the group wants to see change.

If you have to mention it again game after game, you'll have to decide whether it's worth booting the guy over.