Let's read the entire run

[LordVyreth]

Dragon Issue 282: April 2001
Bard on the run is back! With filks based upon brand new songs, not stuff decades old even when the magazine was published. Britney Spears and N'Sync were always pretty self-aware about how cheesy and manufactured they were, so you don't have to stretch very far to make them into comedy. Similarly, ZZ Top have long since become parodies of themselves. So easy targets this year, but at least they're more in tune with fashion than they used to be. That's worth a little praise.

The problem with that theory, though, is that the correlation between gamers dedicated enough to read Dragon and people who know the lyrics to NSync or Brittney Spears well enough to get the parody is pretty small.

 

[(un)reason]

Dragon Issue 282: April 2001


part 3/7


Meanwhile, back in the slime pits of Karvan: Robin Law's first contribution this month is about scene changes, particularly when the players are split up. Some say you should never split the party, but this becomes very unrealistic once you get out of the dungeon and into a social environment. You probably will have to do it at some point, and there are definitely tricks you can do to make it flow better. You need to balance two main objectives. Keeping the players interested despite the fact that they might not be involved in the narrative for a while, and keeping track of what's happening where, and when. Both of these are made easier by regular, fairly fast switching of perspectives, somewhere between 5-15 minutes, which keeps players from drifting off, and one narrative from getting too far ahead of another. If it looks at all like their paths are going to cross, fudge events so it happens. This bit is pretty familiar from my own experiences as a GM. However, he also gives quite a bit of advice for players in this situation too, which I hadn't thought about so much. Once again, this is pretty useful stuff, pushing you towards a more story oriented style of gaming where the players use OOC knowledge to make their characters work together in a way that would be good for the story, rather than disrupting each other and breaking up the group for good. Take that, Tracey Hickman!


D&D personal ads: Or how to advertise for new players in a way that might not actually attract them, but will definitely get their attention. April fool! As with the guide to etiquette, there are some genuinely helpful bits of advice here, but they're hidden amongst the jokes, and it's only really helpful if you already know the right answer. I think this time the comedy part outweighs the useful advice, making this more just an entertainment piece. Still, once again, the illustrations are excellent, with one of those rare cases where the writer is also the illustrator, so the images fit with and enhance the mood of the text perfectly. I do find it interesting how they're varying the art style quite a bit from the norm for this issue, giving the comics guys more to do.


Heroes of the underdork: Last year, Nodwick & co got stats for 2nd edition as part of the april festivities. This time, Muskrats get racial stats, courtesy of John Kovalic and the Dork Tower cast. As seems appropriate, they are a bit underpowered, and quite a bit of this is comprised of jokes, but the statistics are actually legal and usable in 3e. If you were using ECL, they'd definitely deserve to be ECL -1 to balance them out with the other PCs, since they have a total of -4 to their ability scores, and their special powers are nothing much to write home about. So unless you're playing in a game world with a serious giant crayfish problem, powergamers wouldn't touch these guys with a 10 foot pole. Maybe you could get away with having one as a henchman.


Snack monsters: O HAI joke monsters. With plenty of stats and powers that are either mechanically nonsensical or absurdly overpowered, which means you can't really use them in game. Pizza slices, Gummi bears, Doritos, jolly ranchers and spilled pepsi get stats, scaled up to the size they would appear to be to your 25mm minis. So this is true old school silliness, of the sort that's purely for entertainment purposes, not game use unless you're willing to put quite a bit of fudge in (Although I think a toffee monster would be more dangerous. ) It's been a while since we had one of those, and they stand out in starker relief with 3e's more precise and codified rules. It's certainly interesting, anyway.


Fiction: Possessions by Elaine Cunningham. Elaine has obviously been reading the FR books in development, because she's already using the 3e magic terminology. Well, when you're setting your story in Halruua, you need to be up to date in the latest in metaphysics. Otherwise you're going to end up in the out crowd. Or alternately, you can delve into unfashionable and morally questionable fields in search of greater power, and win prestige that way. Which leads to a bad end if you get it wrong. And this definitely winds up falling into the cautionary tale category, showing an ambitious young wizard paying the price for her reckless ambition. Sure she gets immortality out of it, but it's not a very pleasant eternity. In fact, the degree of dramatic irony could almost make this a Ravenloft story. (Actually, they've never done Ravenloft fiction in the magazine, have they. ) So she can tell a good story when she puts the elf fetishism away for a bit. Who knew.

 

[(un)reason]

The problem with that theory, though, is that the correlation between gamers dedicated enough to read Dragon and people who know the lyrics to NSync or Brittney Spears well enough to get the parody is pretty small.

I think you're underestimating how much harder it was to escape the manufactured pop crap of the day before the internet took over from tv & radio as our primary form of entertainment and social networking. I know I couldn't get away from them at the time, although I'd have preferred it if I could.

 

[(un)reason]

Dragon Issue 282: April 2001


part 4/7


The adventures of Volo ends abruptly this issue. Since he's been hanging around Cormyr and Sembia for the past half a year, I shall assume one of the people he's been talking about caught up with him and cut off his, um, communication channels. Occupational hazard of being a journalist with integrity. Here we fill in another little bit of setting. Hunting! In the real world, this was currently undergoing the protracted and tedious process that would lead to it's banning in the UK. (which is now routinely breached and has ironically even increased the number of people doing it.) Unsurprisingly, it's never generated the same kind of controversy in the Realms, given the frequency of genuinely dangerous creatures that need a good culling. But catching dangerous creatures and then using them in canned hunts for nobles who want the thrill of killing stuff without the danger does seem a bit tacky, if entirely believable. From sembia to waterdeep, there are adventurers willing to risk their lives so other people can get the XP, if they'll get a bit more money instead. This may throw the CR system out of whack a bit, but life isn't neat. Elminster participates quite a bit more in this one, and it feels like a decent way to close this up. Hopefully whatever format he chooses to deliver info to us next will liven things up for a while.


Rogues Gallery: Oh, now this is an april fool article I can get behind. The association of monster hunters have been starring in the ecologies since 1996, quite often during april, and they haven't been short of humorous touches in other months either. This is a perfect fit for an article that's wanted, funny, and still potentially useful as well.

Buntleby is the closest thing to a protagonist here, with his relatively honest and sensible attitude and Osquip companion. He's also the one that's had some actual onscreen changes, with those reflected in the description.

Dreelix the president is the foil of these stories, a pompous blowhard who deserves all the comical mishaps he suffers. He bickers with Buntleby, tries to impose his authority on the monster hunters, and is generally a driver of conflict in these stories. They wouldn't be half as interesting without him.

Grindle the coin-counter may be big, but it's certainly not all fat, as he has an 18 strength and he's not afraid to use it. He's the kind of guy who follows whoever has a good idea, and this has got him in a bit of trouble in the past. But he's taken it on the chin, unlike Dreelix, and kept on ticking. Again, every group needs a stable sidekick guy.

Zantoullios is the amusingly gangly research wizard who has a tendency to blow up his lab. He's another individual of low wisdom, who gets talked into putting his magical curiosity over his conscience. The sentai model breaks down when you're in a group comprised of wizards, but he's just about the smart guy of the team. Like most of his ilk, he may well come up with a smart solution to the problem, but you'll probably lose at least your eyebrows along the way.

Lady Ablasta is the pompous busybody conjurer, who tries to be the straight woman of the group, but is amusing enough in her own way, being very bitchy to any other women who show any interest in the association. The reasons groups like these end up being male dominated is not because they try actively to keep girls out.

Spontayne the Studious is the highest level wizard amongst them, as befits his name. Not that he actually casts spells very often, but that's neither here nor there. Every group needs a straight man, and I guess he's it for this crew.

Willowquisp the Zoophile isn't a wizard, merely an Expert with lots of useful skills. Since these include swimming, climbing and hiding, he's more than likely to pull them out of a tight spot, even if they don't always appreciate his lectures. After all, the monster hunters aren't the most practical bunch, and don't always remember their environmental protection spells.

Old Gumphrey the Alchemist is also not a spellcaster, just an adept/expert with lots of knowledge in brewing potions. He brings the wonder of mishearing gags to the table, which lets face it, never fails to be an excuse for painful punnery. He's more competent than he appears though, when he can stay awake. Don't underestimate the old guy.

Rhionda the Swordmistress is the newbie of the group, and is certainly bringing a valuable variety of skills in the last few excursions, as well as a daredevil attitude that's amusing in it's own way. She's still not completely accepted by the group, but is getting there, and will probably go further if they have another ecology this issue (which they do)

So this Gallery rocks. Not only are the characters several orders of magnitude less twinked statistically than any of the Realms novel cheesefests, but they're actually consciously balanced for characters of their level in terms of equipment. Plus as their exploits are fully familiar to me, this provides a real kick to the completist in me. It's mad that a joke article would wind up having more mechanical rigor than the serious ones. April fool indeed.

 

[Orius]

Fiction: The hounds of ash by J Gregory Keyes. Well, that's Fool Wolf's story over. He's saved the world, discovered what's really going on with that imprisoned goddess of his, accepted that he'll need to put up with her for the rest of his life, and got himself a similarly immortal and untrustworthy (but also smokin' hot) girlfriend.

Yeah, this was a pretty good end to the three stories we had in a row here, as well as all the stories as a whole. It's good how all the previous stories were wrapped up here, and I suppose there is a hook for more adventures, but it still ends everything well.

Snack monsters: O HAI joke monsters. With plenty of stats and powers that are either mechanically nonsensical or absurdly overpowered, which means you can't really use them in game. Pizza slices, Gummi bears, Doritos, jolly ranchers and spilled pepsi get stats, scaled up to the size they would appear to be to your 25mm minis. So this is true old school silliness, of the sort that's purely for entertainment purposes, not game use unless you're willing to put quite a bit of fudge in (Although I think a toffee monster would be more dangerous. ) It's been a while since we had one of those, and they stand out in starker relief with 3e's more precise and codified rules. It's certainly interesting, anyway.

I'm the sort of guy who would get irritated by some klutz knocking snacks all over the game table, and I'm not above using stuff like this to punish the players.

The adventures of Volo ends abruptly this issue. Since he's been hanging around Cormyr and Sembia for the past half a year, I shall assume one of the people he's been talking about caught up with him and cut off his, um, communication channels. Occupational hazard of being a journalist with integrity. Here we fill in another little bit of setting. Hunting!

I liked the second part more about the little treasure hunt in Undermountain. Crazy and stupid, and it's a good plot idea for a low-level party. And Elminster's comment that this whole affair amuses Halaster makes it even more interesting.

Rogues Gallery: Oh, now this is an april fool article I can get behind. The association of monster hunters have been starring in the ecologies since 1996, quite often during april, and they haven't been short of humorous touches in other months either. This is a perfect fit for an article that's wanted, funny, and still potentially useful as well.

Somewhat ironic that their stats are finally presented in 3e, when the bulk of their adventure occured during the days of 2e.

 

[(un)reason]

Dragon Issue 282: April 2001


part 5/7


Class acts: The orky warboyz get to kick some more ass this month with the blessed of Gruumsh. Designed largely for bad guys, you have to pluck out your own eye to get into this one, making it unlikely PC's would choose it even if they were of a more questionable moral character. They get lots of good once per day effects, further reinforcing that this class would be deadly when applied to monsters, but not such a huge benefit when a PC takes the class, due to the nova effect. Ahh, the old LA vs ECL issue that plagued 3rd ed, and was part of the reason 4th reined back what races you could have as PC's. Also notable is that they've started organizing class skills by key ability in little boxes, which does look nice and save space. So not a brilliant class, but still perfectly serviceable, and it's good to see them refining their format as well.


The ecology of the purple worm: What would an april be without the association of monster hunters making an appearance? Especially now they're statted up. They've become quite the fixture. And they're having lots of fun, traveling the world and killing things for science and profit. The addition of a warrior to the team has improved their tactical acumen, and the conversion to 3rd ed rules has even let them do a little multiclassing, it seems. But that doesn't stop battles from being frantic scrambles where no plan survives contact with the enemy. The comedy is dialled back a little this time for a genuinely cinematic battle, and most of the humour is in the dialogue and interplay between characters. The format for the footnotes is changed again, with this succumbing to the current fashion for sidebars. They also add a bit more colour to the illustrations, as befits the theme. All pretty good. This series seems to finally be maturing. Let's hope that doesn't mean it's about to be canceled. :Checks ahead: It does? Totally weak. How are we ever supposed to have any character development if we cancel things just as they're starting to genuinely change in an interesting way?


VS Elves: If it's tricky coming up with good countertactics against psychics, against prettier than thou mary sues who now have access to any class they like, it seems almost impossible. Fortunately, that only really applies to PC's. NPC elves are still the good old woodland dwelling, bow shooting, spell slingers, and that's a skillset you can anticipate and counter. Spot them coming, use protection from normal missiles to keep yourself from being turned into a pincushion, blast them with effects that require Fort saves, and then close en masse for slicing and dicing fun. In the longer term, wars of attrition are pretty effective, as most races can replenish themselves considerably faster, forcing them to retreat or negotiate even if you're suffering more casualties. Get a tribe of goblinoids, then when they get killed, animate their bodies and send a second wave of zombies to further wear down the tree-huggers. And don't forget to cut the trees down while you're at it, reduce their ability to hide and shoot from cover. Actually, it looks like if you want to win, you need to think strategics and logistics rather than tactics of an individual fight. And that's definitely something this format doesn't do enough of, focussed on an adventuring party that doesn't use hirelings and camp followers as 3e is. Once again, it's a bit of a disappointment, and I'm left feeling I could do better.


PC Portraits: April Fool comes to the portraits too this month, with Phil Foglio puncturing the format in a similar way to his april fool centrefold in issue 60. The individual images are funny, and they're laid out in an amusingly meta way as well. I think we can safely say he's still got it when it comes to funny one-liners, (well, one panel jokes) with each image managing to tell a story in itself. Bravo, dear boy, bravo indeed. :claps:


WWF: Elminster vs Raistlin. Aaron gives Nodwick a break from the spotlight, (although not from suffering horrible pain) to do a comic on this amusing rivalry. It's not really a fair fight, as by the rules Elminster outclasses Raistlin so badly it's laughable. And indeed, it looks like he's more likely to win until Raistlin pulls some dirty trickery to turn the tables (which is also pretty in character) and the whole thing is stopped due to rulesbreaking. Despite the fact that the Realms has been beating Dragonlance in popularity pretty much since it was released, they still can't show it THAT much favouritism to allow it a conclusive win. Plus it wouldn't be as funny anyway. So the debate will continue in other forums.


The play's the thing: As is becoming standard for Robin Laws, the bit of advice in his regular column is less consequential than the earlier article. In fact, it's really just a single line of advice stretched out to two pages. Instead of spending ages writing or drawing a description for your character, just cast an actor as them and everyone will be able to instantly imagine roughly what they look like. Just saying they're X, or X crossed with Y, or X if Z change was made will save you substantial amounts of time. Which you can then use on getting straight into those convoluted multiperspective plotlines. Simple and easy. I could have told you that, although probably not in as much style. Whether this will blow your mind or be so obvious as to not be worth mentioning will once again depend on how experienced you are and how much time you spend hanging around game forums. I suppose that once again marks it as a good invention.

 

[Richards]

Rogues Gallery: Oh, now this is an april fool article I can get behind. The association of monster hunters have been starring in the ecologies since 1996, quite often during april, and they haven't been short of humorous touches in other months either. This is a perfect fit for an article that's wanted, funny, and still potentially useful as well.

Somewhat ironic that their stats are finally presented in 3e, when the bulk of their adventure occured during the days of 2e.

This article came about as a specific request from Dave Gross. I was initially against the idea, not wanting to "paint myself in a corner" by specifying which spells each wizard knew (since I routinely added to their individual spell repertoires as the dictates of the story demanded), but once Dave came up with the "documented spell use" compromise I was on board with it. And I LOVED the artwork for this article; Mike May instantly became one of my favorite fantasy artists.

Johnathan

 

[Richards]

The ecology of the purple worm: ...This series seems to finally be maturing. Let's hope that doesn't mean it's about to be canceled. :Checks ahead: It does? Totally weak. How are we ever supposed to have any character development if we cancel things just as they're starting to genuinely change in an interesting way?

You're not kidding. This was the last of the "fiction and footnote" styled "Ecology" articles, and the last "Ecology" I'd be involved in until the very last print issue of Dragon, when they had Ed Greenwood and me team up for "The Ecology of the Tarrasque." (The Monster Hunters get a tiny scene in a sidebar for that one, but otherwise that's it for them.)

For those interested in more Monster Hunters stories, though, check out the links to the following unpublished articles in my signature: "Grick," "Gulguthydra," and "Death Kiss" (in that order).

Johnathan

 

[Orius]

The ecology of the purple worm: What would an april be without the association of monster hunters making an appearance? Especially now they're statted up. They've become quite the fixture. And they're having lots of fun, traveling the world and killing things for science and profit. The addition of a warrior to the team has improved their tactical acumen, and the conversion to 3rd ed rules has even let them do a little multiclassing, it seems. But that doesn't stop battles from being frantic scrambles where no plan survives contact with the enemy. The comedy is dialled back a little this time for a genuinely cinematic battle, and most of the humour is in the dialogue and interplay between characters. The format for the footnotes is changed again, with this succumbing to the current fashion for sidebars. They also add a bit more colour to the illustrations, as befits the theme. All pretty good. This series seems to finally be maturing. Let's hope that doesn't mean it's about to be canceled. :Checks ahead: It does? Totally weak. How are we ever supposed to have any character development if we cancel things just as they're starting to genuinely change in an interesting way?

Yes, it's a shame the Monster Hunters officially ended here, because they had some of the most entertaining ecologies in the magazine's run.

WWF: Elminster vs Raistlin. Aaron gives Nodwick a break from the spotlight, (although not from suffering horrible pain) to do a comic on this amusing rivalry. It's not really a fair fight, as by the rules Elminster outclasses Raistlin so badly it's laughable. And indeed, it looks like he's more likely to win until Raistlin pulls some dirty trickery to turn the tables (which is also pretty in character) and the whole thing is stopped due to rulesbreaking. Despite the fact that the Realms has been beating Dragonlance in popularity pretty much since it was released, they still can't show it THAT much favouritism to allow it a conclusive win. Plus it wouldn't be as funny anyway. So the debate will continue in other forums.

This was a pretty funny strip. Yeah, neither one is going to be allowed to actually win here, but there's still some good jokes.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

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