My experience has been that not everyone finds just one thing fun - it's a range of things. My goal is to be in a group that shares an interest in that range. Anyone else can go find another game that better suits them.
Where I guess I find it more interesting to have a group where that range is very wide, in order to promote in-character variety and differing viewpoints.
I can't force anything on anyone. We all agree what we want to spend our time on in the game and then we do that. To echo
@Charlaquin's sentiment, we get 4,000 Friday's on this earth if we're lucky. I'm not going to waste them on stuff I don't like, if I can avoid it.
If I've got 4000 Friday evenings to run a campaign, having a few of them disappear in character discussion is trivial.
As for Tom, if there are multiple adventures to choose from in a given time, then that represents a decision the party has to make and I'll direct you to my advice on "Keep Things Moving," which I assume you also hate.
Is that the "Yes, and..." piece? If so, my question is this: how can a party ever come to the point of having to make a decision if opposing points of view cannot be put forward?
Keep in mind I'm reading your words as written, as that's all I have to go by, and what actually happens in play may be (and probably is) more relaxed. But as written, if for example someone in the party opens conversation with "I've heard about this place called the Sunless Citadel, let's go check it out", that commits the party right there to going to Sunless Citadel no matter what - nobody can oppose it. Tom can't say "Hey, what about this Tegal Manor place they mentioned down at the Mercenaries' Guild; that one caught my interest" becasue if he does, that's not a "Yes, and..." it's at best a "Yes, or...".
It's thinking on both the group AND individual level. The group quickly agrees on a general goal because that's best for the group to get a move on and the players add their individual flourishes by fine-tuning it with their ideas in ways that don't negate other people's ideas.
How does this work if (when!) someone comes up with a flat-out bad idea, is my question.
Each person is cognizant of spotlight time (and the DM can redirect anyway) and so they informally make sure everyone has a shot at being the first at bat to guide the group with the initial idea.
Even though you say it's informal, that's still far more formal than I ever imagine interatcions with friends as being.
I'm pretty confident that my games have a broad appeal based on experience in running pickup games with hundreds of players. I'd at least be willing to put good money on any random person showing up to my game and having a blast.
As you touched on already, there's a big difference between pickup/one-shot/convention games and long-term home games.
My discussion here is completely concerned with the latter, that are not usually time-limited in any hard and fast sense.
I agree with all of these. The tardiness though. That would really bother me. If someone is late, we usually just start without them and they can jump in when they get there.
Our lot - well, most of us anyway - have at best a rather vague idea of what "on time" means. You set 7:30 as a start time, hope
anybody shows up by 8, and hope they've got the socializing and snacks-drinks preparation out of the way by 8:30...